Published March 2, 2009
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Hi there! So here's my review;
Most of the review will be along the lines of stanza length, flow and rhythm and then also typos and a little bit about puntuation, but I'm not very good at it myself so don't tend to give accurate advice. The last two lines of this stanza pretty much don't work that well - I think the word 'work' being that which ruins the flow. Also, watch out for those typos - I've placed in bold and corrected.
I liked this stanza actually, it was pretty good. You got some sort of rhythm going and it was cocnsistent, so that's always good - just watch out for your typo's again. I think it would be wise to capitalise some of your beginning letters too - to make it look more professional.
Line five in this stanza is pretty off with the rest of the stanza and the poem - I don't think it works very well. Perhaps 'hide' or 'deny' instead of 'hinder'? 'Bring it on' also doesn't fit into the poem amazingly - the rest seems somewhat regal whereas I class your phrase choice as quite informal.
I didn't like your word choice for line two in this stanza - there rhyming and then there's cramming, which is what you've done here, I think. I liked line three though - I just think the line before should be re-thought.
I hope this helps!
I like your style of poetry! your opinion shows in your poem a lot! i like it