Published February 26, 2009
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Canary word: Present
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
lol. I really liked it. It really hooks you into the story. Seems like you know your character well. "No this isn’t one of those over told fluffy, bubble gum pop stories about how after many failing tries to pursue my career in acting I finally landed the role of a lifetime.
This isn’t even one of those stories about how after never having any acting experience I decided to try out for show and surprisingly got it. No, this is my story"
Love that.Great way to get the reader interested. Can't wait to read the rest of the story.
I agree with everyone else. This was a very interesting beginning and the narrator has a strong, engaging voice. It's just short enough to keep you interested, and it makes me want to read the rest.
Hi,
I see no one has given you a full crtic yet, so I'll do the honour of being your first. Okay, what I'm going to do is copy and paste your whole story and put it in a "quote". All my edits, concerns and comments will be in bold!
Overall this story was very well done and I love how you ended with a cliff hanger. I will certainly go read the rest.
You had a few minor mistakes but otherwise it was very well done.
PM me if you need anything!
Love,
N
This is very good. I really the narrator's voice.
More, please.
I found it! Thanks for the PM telling me about this. This defently adds, I dunno, It kinda makes you want to read more (I forgot what I was supposed to call that). You had a few grammer mistakes here and there, but I can't really complain about it becuase there was just way to many good things to over power the bad things (does that make sense?). Anyway, I liked it, a lot.
Hey =]
YWS has a rule where you should review two pieces of work before posting a piece of your own - bear this in mind when you next post =]
This sounds really interesting and i'd like to know where it's going.
I'd definitely be interested in reading the next part/ chapter one.
I like how your MC talks straight to the reader too - i think it helps the reader to develop a bond with the narrator which in turn makes the reader want to read on.
Nice job =]
xDudettex
This sounds interesting!
I'm wondering what the ''incident'' is....? You should keep going, and develop your story!
Don't forget to check over some of your grammar errors, such as the uses of there and their.
Keep going! And keep me updated!! =]