Blimp
She told me , she had a dream.
Once it would seem obscence
that my blimp had a dream.
She kneeled down and prayed
so I would be suade.
She told me she had a dream.
I feared , this day would come.
When she did not see the approching
glee , it seemed to me a elementary
thing.
We danced to the beat of a neatley
stowed snow pile.
We did not agree...to be , anything but
real.
My blimp , my love...our dream.
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141,310 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
Hi, Erebus!
I would like to start off by saying I think your poem was lovely! I am a big fan of both the writing of it, and reading it.
Some things you could work on are making the plot line a bit more clear to the readers. Though I think I understand what is happening, I would like to be certain! Also, there are a few grammatical errors.
"Obscene"
"Swayed"
"Approaching"
"Neatly"
Those are really the only things I found! Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Have fun expanding on your writing!!
-amber
Hello ~ Emily here.
I really liked your poem. Something you could improve is maybe making it a bit more clear. I'm not good at poetry but I love reading it. Writers use all different techniques to make their poetry easily understandable. Despite that I thought it was great. I like the imagery that the readers get when reading. I'm new so I may nit be the best to critique but I hope this was helpful.
Have a lovely day