Elegy for a nobody.

by Eraqio

Published May 21, 2009

In No refinement.

Andre, Andre always smiles.
He covers something with those smiles.
He laughs, he jokes, he exaggerates,
makes us all laugh at his awkward state.

We think he knows what it is he means
when he whispers about his dreams,
even with his eye's deep hollows
his dose of society he just swallows.

What is it, Andre, that makes you grin?
Is it some joke you don't let us in?
Or perhaps is it something missing
a friend, a foe, someone listening?

Looking down when not asleep,
always dazed whenever you meet,
a willing being with much to share,
your stumbling self makes you not dare.

The day shut out, himself locked away,
he wonders what the kids will say,
when he misses school tomorrow,
a bullet healing all his sorrow.

His death, so quiet, shook us all the same.
I wonder at his mental state;
so calm, so rigid, so nonchalant
His joyless levity the most frightening taunt.

Sleep now Andre, I cant say I'll miss you,
your pointless dialogue was to me an issue.
Now that your gone its been quiet for a while,
I'm still hoping that in death you will smile.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Way2Dawn
Review
Way2Dawn wrote a review Review · Jun 27, 2010

Great piece you have written!
Though I only remotely get what message you have share it still can be praised for being well written and presented!
Again I say great work and keep writing man!
-Dawn

Random avatar
babygirl12
Comment
babygirl12 commented Comment · Jun 15, 2010

Nice. :]
Sad, but nice.
Keep it up!!


-BG-

Random avatar
quietloud798
Review
quietloud798 wrote a review Review · May 24, 2009

I liked the style of this, but some things didn't really make sense.

Andre, Andre always smiles.
He covers something with those smiles.


This section doesn't really flow together.
It's more or less kind of stunted.

What is it, Andre, that makes you grin?
Is it some joke you don't let us in?


The second line in this needs a bit more.
Kind of seems forced in a way.

The day shut out, himself locked away,
he wonders what the kids will say,
when he misses school tomorrow,
a bullet healing all his sorrow.


This whole stanza needs to be looked over.
"The day shut out," doesn't make much sense, because how can a day shut itself out?

I love the idea of this poem, and you are a fabulous writer.
Just a few parts need to be looked over, but other than that, it was pretty amazing.
Keep up the awesome job.

-Rachel

User avatar
music
Comment
music commented Comment · May 24, 2009

i LOVED it. Gosh, that was so good. I wish I could write like that. Bravo! Great poem.



october smells like being ten years old and not scared of anything
— dissonance