Andre, Andre always smiles.
He covers something with those smiles.
He laughs, he jokes, he exaggerates,
makes us all laugh at his awkward state.
We think he knows what it is he means
when he whispers about his dreams,
even with his eye's deep hollows
his dose of society he just swallows.
What is it, Andre, that makes you grin?
Is it some joke you don't let us in?
Or perhaps is it something missing
a friend, a foe, someone listening?
Looking down when not asleep,
always dazed whenever you meet,
a willing being with much to share,
your stumbling self makes you not dare.
The day shut out, himself locked away,
he wonders what the kids will say,
when he misses school tomorrow,
a bullet healing all his sorrow.
His death, so quiet, shook us all the same.
I wonder at his mental state;
so calm, so rigid, so nonchalant
His joyless levity the most frightening taunt.
Sleep now Andre, I cant say I'll miss you,
your pointless dialogue was to me an issue.
Now that your gone its been quiet for a while,
I'm still hoping that in death you will smile.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Great piece you have written!
Though I only remotely get what message you have share it still can be praised for being well written and presented!
Again I say great work and keep writing man!
-Dawn
Nice. :]
Sad, but nice.
Keep it up!!
-BG-
I liked the style of this, but some things didn't really make sense.
This section doesn't really flow together.
It's more or less kind of stunted.
The second line in this needs a bit more.
Kind of seems forced in a way.
This whole stanza needs to be looked over.
"The day shut out," doesn't make much sense, because how can a day shut itself out?
I love the idea of this poem, and you are a fabulous writer.
Just a few parts need to be looked over, but other than that, it was pretty amazing.
Keep up the awesome job.
-Rachel
i LOVED it. Gosh, that was so good. I wish I could write like that. Bravo! Great poem.