I hate parties; people will notice me… The fear of others seeing what I see in the mirror makes me want to vomit. Deep down I know that what I see isn’t real. But I can’t figure out why I see myself like that in the mirror. I feel too skinny. I feel too short I see myself as a skeleton, as a little girl who can’t form words properly yet. I’m so afraid to let people see me. I hide under layers of clothing. No matter how hot it is, my body is always covered from the eyes of others.
They can’t see me.
They can't see me.
They mustn't notice me...
I wish I were her, maybe I wouldn't hate my hair, my eyes, even my nose. Maybe I could love my ears, my smile, my weight, and my hands… But I’m not as pretty.
I hate parties… I know people will see me. They’ll whisper into each other’s ears about me and giggle. They’ll walk past me and I’ll catch the stare of a girl criticizing me. Everything I do they watch. I hate eating… When I eat I feel fat. I look fat. Maybe that was the reason I stopped eating.
I hate parties, There are too many people who’ll talk to me, people who will act like they care. Who'll act like they know you, then stab you in the chest. They've always expected me to come to those parties, Always dragging me into a dark, scary place; where everyone laughs and casts aside the ones who're different. There's too many people who expect something from me. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations…