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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
O.O
Nice work with the rhyming scheme = D There are some really interesting pair ups in there. It's all too easy to stick to the normal "Though-go, heart-apart, me-free," the kind that can be predicted three verses before hand. These ones were interesting.
The only one that caught me off was 'Government will fall / We’re fools one and all," you already used Goverment in the previous line and the rhyme here does seem a bit too forced.
I can't tell if this is a cheery poem or not XD Half way through I was feeling miserable and wondering how things can seem so grim through someone elses eyes, but that last line caught me off guard. I love it, so much. It's like a little sparkle amidst lots of hate and angst.
I don't know if you intended it that way, but it made me suddenly think of why this place is so hard to leave. The first thing that came to mind is a child, or a brother, or friend, or maybe just hope. For that last line alone and the big question it put in my mind I really like this one.
Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.
~Ten