Published January 2, 2013
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139,537 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Okay a review as promised! (sorry it took so long my computer crashed!)
Okay so I loved this poem! But in parts I was slightly confused.
"Crisp wind
blows. Notes dance as
they travel through the gaps,
hollow. Once, these gaps were filled with
color,"
(Here at first I wasn't sure what you meant by notes. I guessed at music because you said dance, but in my head I was picturing fluttering slips of paper)
"auras
that fluctuate,
stunning reflections of
illumination. Weighted by
sadness,"
(I loved this stanza, it has good description 'stunning reflections of illumination' That is my favorite line)
"the notes
linger. Each soul
sings it’s own song. Heartbreak,
the melody. Every note is
tinted"
(Okay, here is when I decided that you did mean music notes because you brought up melody, so I thought that the poem was a bit confusing up to this point)
"yellow,
reminiscent
of hope, a shimmering
firefly; the pattern they left, an
echo."
(I love when songs or poems use the word firefly, no idea why. But this is the part of your poem that really drew me in. But it also made me wonder, so the notes are Freed? Freed from where?)
"An echo
haunting the air,
crystal-clear ringing, outlasting
ruin."
(This was an amazing way to end this. It left me wondering, but also just summed up everything.)
There is nothing to nitpick in this poem! Your grammar is fine, your punctuation is fine, your poem is amazing! And with that I will end!
~mari~
Wow! Epic, this peice is very good.
)
I think that this peice has some very good potential and maybe to get this peice even more stars, you can add more drama.
I, however, could've never, ever, written this. It's so detailed; and though I write poetry, mine is more about... love and sadness. I'm guessing this peice is also about being freed (no, duh) because you literally explain to the reader how much the narrarator enjoys being freed. (Tell me if I'm wrong
Great job overall! I didn't see any major problems!
~Pixie
Thanks, though I would like it if you tell me how I could add more drama. x3 But thanks <3
I could not for the life of me determine exactly what it is the poem depicts.....
....but that being said, It was fantastic. The imagery was among the most vivid I've ever encountered. The lack of rhythm is a rhythm in itself and it was refreshingly brilliant. I agree with the previous commenter in that the format drew me in.
Fantastic job!
RC
I could not for the life of me determine exactly what it is the poem depicts.....
....but that being said, It was fantastic. The imagery was among the most vivid I've ever encountered. The lack of rhythm is a rhythm in itself and it was refreshingly brilliant. I agree with the previous commenter in that the format drew me in.
Fantastic job!
RC
Thanks!
the vivid words you used brought the poem to life! The structure of the poem is perfect. I couldn't find a perfect beat, but not all poems need one. The way you allingned the poem grabbed me and drew me into it. Good work!
Aw, thanks!