The midnight.
It engulfs the very light that shone upon it long ago,
goes inside the makers of the foundations of this world.
Corroding their minds of the mercy that once held.
It burns into the hearts of the innocent,
turning them black and damaged.
It sticks to the passages of life and builds up,
never leaving its final resting place.
It blinds the many that are seeking for what we need,
destroys the means for survival and happiness.
It penetrates the flowing life line,
keeping Earth's inhabitants clean and thirst-less.
The midnight, it never stops.
It kills its users with the loudest of gunshots,
leaves the many fighters slain on foreign land.
It mixes in with the bloodshed and dances with the soul of man.
It will diminish all forms of life if not left alone.
It will bring the world to extinction.
The midnight, is traitor.
The midnight, the midnight must be gone.
**Note: I wrote this poem in depicting on what I thought of war and its effects. I also came up with the midnight part because it's the middle of day and night. I symbolize day and night as good and evil and war as a between. What other way you would like to use as your explanation for this is fine, it could be endless of possibilities of what this might mean to someone else.
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Canary word: Present
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Thanks for that constructive criticism and your thoughts on the poem. I also used what you said and I've redone the poem over. Thanks again
Overall, I thought this was good. I liked the metaphor, and you had some good images to go along with it. However, I don't feel that repeating "it" at the beginning of every single line was needed. Sometimes it is, but other times you could probably re-word the phrase so you don't have "it" again.
Also, this line stuck out for being so darn long:
In addition to being long, it's chunky and wordy. Either split this, say it more concisely, or both.
Overall, this was good, just needs some polishing. Keep writing!