Fading Away

Hallo Ephe, I am here to review for you today.

First, I must day, this is an extremely poetic piece of prose. So much that it would easily fit under the free verse poetry label, but my guess is your unfamiliar with all the ins and outs of poetry, that's why it's here in other.

There is certainly a lot of emotion and imagery in this piece. I think that's what makes it so lovely. The poetic wording also deserves some merit. You have done a wonderful job in wording it so it gets the ideas across.

My one qualm is that the third paragraph is too much. The one giant sentence swirls the thoughts into an almost meaningless rumble. It's like taking a gulp of water so huge that your mouth overflows with the stuff. Breaking it up into smaller sections, even using the good ol' semi-colon (;) would help.

"... I am no longer losing – I am lost." Is my favourite line in this piece. There is something about it that just resonates with me a lot.

The tone in this really helps set the feeling and emotion in this. It's a very dark, melancholic tone that weighs down on the soul like the words in this piece. It really helps convey the idea of loss and fading away.

The final paragraph certainly makes a nice conclusion to the piece. It helps end and almost resolve the topic of hand. The mentioning of "new light" flashes a tiny sliver of hope before crashing away with "too many days gone by.". Bravo in writing this piece. If you classify it as poetry, it is amazing, even so if you don't.

Anyways, good job, and as always, keep on writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

Hello there Ephermeral! Dogs here with your review. Ok, I loved the idea of this piece and you put so much excellent imagery into your writing here that it made it incredibly enjoyable to read. You use great vocab and than immediately makes my job as a reviewer easier. Although sometimes you have some run on sentences so we'll see what we can do about those. Let's dive in now shall we?

"My shadow is a half-considered suggestion of being, a tangible reminder to the blind that I am fading away."

Nice line, I loved the imagery and idea of it. Although I don't understand how your shadow can be a reminder to the blind that you're fading away. That line doesn't seem to make much sense. Moving on though. I think this is excellent but you can shorten it up a tad, omit all useless words when you can. So try saying: "My shadow is a half- considered suggestion of being a reminder to the blind, that I'm fading away." minor suggestions but necessary.

"that has forgotten how to smile, are all that await.."

I think for flow purposes this should be: "forgotten how to smile, is all that awaits"

"They told me I was losing my grip, years ago, when the dregs of autumn still sat forlornly at the bottom of my mug, and I scoured them for the answers to the non-existent questions that so evaded me."

Yikes town, epic run on sentence. Try breaking this up into two different thoughts. After "bottom of my mug" put a period. And than cut out "and" and just continue the sentence from there. So like: "bottom of my mug. I scoured them..."

Nice ending, way to bring closure to this piece. You use some excellent imagery and great vocab, two big things I always look for in writing. I really enjoyed reading this, great writing and all around well done. Just edit those little nit picks I noted and you'll be raring to go. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh