Published August 28, 2008
Lacey
...I knew that hadwriting. I KNEW that handwriting.
I also knew that blood turned brown when it dried, the color of the words on the perfect square of clean white paper I held gingerly between my thumb and forefinger.
But why Alli, my ex best friend and the happiest person on Earth with the weirdest handwriting, would write me a note in blood, I did not know.
Ron
Lacey didn't usually talk to me, although we were parteners in science and sat together in Calculus.
But now was obviously an exception.
She ran up to me just as I was getting on my bike to ride home from school. She was pale, paler tha those kids who sat with that new kid, Lexi, at lunch. It was like she had seen a ghost.
"Ron, Ron, help..." She trailed off as she got close to me.
Me, ever the gallant gentleman, replied "I'm not going to do your homework if that's what you want."
She glared, but quickly reverted to her 'seen-a-ghost' expression. "I got this note in my locker from Alli," she said.
"Alli?" I was new last year and didn't know much about the girl social scene. In a high school of 3000, it was very, very difficult to do so.
"She was my best friend. We broke up three years ago...
"...nothing from her, and then this note." she finished.
"I don't see what's so wrong with a little bit of contact," I said. "If the note's so unusual, then show it to me."
I wish she hadn't.
Lacey
"I don't know what to do," I whispered.
Ron shrugged. "I've heard of something like this at my old school. Kids getting those notes shoved into their lockers, disappearing for a few days, and then coming back, but different. Way different." He lowered his eyes.
"Do you think... Lexi... Maybe... Oh, I don't know what to do!" I wailed.
Ron frowned. "Just relax."
I snorted. "Easy for you to say."
He raised his eyebrows. "Are you scared?"
"No."
He smiled in obvious relief.
"I'm terrified."
In record time, he vaulted onto his bike and pedaled away furiously.
"Ron? Ron? Why..." Then I turned around.
Lexi.
She was blocking my path to the bus, standing there boldly with all her Gothy glory.
I glared. "Why did you get Alli to put that note in my locker?"
Her eyebrows raised past the top of her tinted glasses. "What note?" She said in an odd, singsong voice.
I was furious. "Do these words sound familiar to you?" I grappled with my backpack zippers as I tried to pull out the note.
"What words?" She said innocently, a small smile on her face. But I saw her eyebrows start to crinkle into a delicate frown.
"Read this!" I flung the note at her. "Keep it. There's no way in hell I'd want that in my pocket."
Lexi caught the crumpled up paper with surprising agility and began to unfold it, so I pushed past her towards the buses while she was distracted.
"Wait!" I heard. I quickened my pace.
"Lacey! Hold up!" Four more buses to go, three more buses to go...
"I'm serious! Please!"
I broke out into a full-tilt sprint and squeezed through my buses' closing doors. As I turned to get into a seat, the bus started moving. But I could still hear her voice waft over the sound of the roaring engine.
"I can help!" Sure, you can. I'd really want help from the person who could change Alli so drastically, who made her write those two words. Even now they were still spinning in my head.
"You're next"...
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140,920 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
This seems like a brilliant idea, and one that I will certainly read more of when you post more.
Will you pm me when you do post some more?
I like the way you changed perspectives-its a refreshing writing style, since we get to see the events as different people see them.
The conclusion was fabulous-a real cliffhanger, and makes us want more!
The characters are brilliant, and I think that you seperate them very well.
And let's not forget the beginning. I love the introduction-short, snappy, and makes you want to read on.
Excellent work!
I wish you the best of luck with continuing it! You certainly have an idea that is well worth continuing!
WOW i love it.
Please i would love to read the rest soon!
I'm going to give you a gold star it was so Good!
Please keep writing!
borntoshop
I Really love what you have so far. I can't wait to read the real thing. I love stories that have dark, errie subjects and I can tell that this story will have some of that. One mistake though:
[quote]She was pale, paler tha those kids who sat with that new kid, Lexi, at lunch.
I think you ment than those kids.
Keep writting!!!
oops! when I wrote 3000, I meant 3000 kids! Ill try to make that one clearer next time.
wow. this was really good. I can't wait to read more.
like this. how come he was relieved? will that be explained later?crit: at first I was confused that this changed perspectives. I'm not really sure why at this point, it didn't seem nessicary to me, but I do like that writing style. Maybe later it will be more important? Also, maybe put the person's name in italics or something so we know that's who's talking.
plot: I felt like it was introduced kind of fast. It worked, but mayb take more time later when you continue with it to explain things, like it's in the year 3000, put in details that show that. What is your futuristic world like? also, i was confused by Ron's reactions.
I loved how you didn't say what the note said until the end. The suspense realy kept me reading, and it tied it together wonderfully in the end.
overall, very good, can't wait to see more. =]