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Confessions from the optimistic pessimist

by Empires

Half-full glass:

I feel my light going out
and fading into ashes
dancing around my misery. 

It drains me to carry all
the hopes and dreams of others. 
I try to be happy for everyone,
but I often feel...unfulfilled. 

Half-empty glass:

I could write an elegy on all the hearts
I've broken, and all the pieces
I've kept as souvenirs.

No expectations, no disappointments.
I am a grand party of one.
And I'll raise my glass to that. 

Fully realistic glass: 

Some words are left unsaid,
Some desires still not fed,
Some love is lost,
And some to pay the cost
of a shattered glass. 

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Points: 223
Reviews: 4

Thu Mar 09, 2017 3:49 am
take3breaths wrote a review...

I saw the title of this poem and thought, " This is me all the way". but I was wrong. this poem is good, but it seems that not much effort was put into it. don't get me wrong, I am in no way a professional nor am I good at giving reviews since I like everything. and I did like this poem, but it isn't that relatable. the rhyme scheme seems forced a bit. and maybe this means a lot to you that the rest of us don't know about. though seemingly effortless, it certainly isn't meaningless. I love the topic and format, but I recommend more work and maybe more clarity.

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55 Reviews

Points: 3562
Reviews: 55

Wed Mar 08, 2017 1:40 pm
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Silberfee says...

Firstly I apologise for my shoddy reviewing skills it is my first time on this website, but I do hope in the future with practice I will improve.

I like your theme it does mirror the way people's moods fluctuate and the use of 'half glass full,' is a very effective introduction as it is a common English euphemism.

I thought that your poem was too vague and general and it is not clear to me what you are speaking about. it seems on the first stanza you are talking about your relationship with other people, then on the second I'm not sure what relationship it is ...it seems to be about love?

I liked the finality of the last line which does conclude and balance out the stanzas , which is the purpose of your poem.

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75 Reviews

Points: 2162
Reviews: 75

Wed Mar 08, 2017 3:59 am
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SilverBerry wrote a review...

Heyo! Silverberry here for a review! You're a very talented writer from what I see and your metaphors are on point and your theme is very unique and relatable. I like this work a lot, yet I'll try to be picky so that I'm at least a little helpful.

Structure-wise, I like that you put your poem into stanzas and split it into three different thoughts/parts, for it highlighted the contrast between the switching pessimistic and optimistic views and how they go together, if that makes sense. I would've liked a little more consistency though. As @sheyren said, there are technically no rules for poetry and I like uniqueness, but consistency when it comes to structure is, in my opinion, important so that your thoughts are different in meaning yet still compare. For example, you are switching between talking about your pessimistic nature and your tries ar optimism, so I would consider making them more inverse of each other by adding another stanza to your Half-empty glass section. I'm sorry if I'm a little confusing, but the gist is that since you're tone changes from half-full to half-empty I'd suggest having them to be similar with only different meaning, so that particular "variable", so to speak, is more prominent.

Next for the rhyme I actually like that you ended with a line that didn't rhyme, for I think it ended your stanza well. It was a little abrupt, but I think it worked in this scenario.

Some words are left unsaid,
Some desires still not fed,
Some love lost,
And some to pay the cost
Of shattered glass

I suggest adding more to the third line here about love for it's a little shorter than the other lines and a little more simple so it stands out a little. It can be something really small, such as "Some love IS lost", but I'm sure if you experiment with it it'll sound a little better.
I do like that you added that last sentence also because otherwise that last line would feel a little forced, but you continue your talk of glasses and wrap the poem up well.

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176 Reviews

Points: 1983
Reviews: 176

Wed Mar 08, 2017 12:23 am
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sheysse wrote a review...

Hey! Shey is here to review!

This was a neat set of three poems, all of which had a cold hard reality theme. However, they were still fun reads, and overall quite interesting.

The grammar was fine; I saw no real issues. Rhythm was also efficient, and I loved his you had stanzas. I'm a huge fan of them, and really get disappointed when people, instead of splitting things into stanzas, have one big blob of poetry.

My one comment was the last stanza. It rhymed, which was nice, but out of place. All the rest of the poem has now rhyme scheme, so it was weird to suddenly end it with a rhyming poem. It's poetry, so there isn't any rules, truly, but you may want to keep in mind that rhyming is done best all-or-nothing.

Alson it was strange that the rhyme pattern in the last stanza was AABBC. I feel there should have been another C, since AABBCC is a more complete-sounding poem. Again, no rules in poetry, but just something to keep in mind.

That's all I got! Nice poem! I look forward to seeing more of your works in the future. Adieu!


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