Published May 11, 2010
I'm a man of little means
But true love I will never miss
It shines so bright in the sky
And seems so far from a man like me
But until I find true love, I will never die
They say because i'm of little means, true love will never come to me
That wealth brings true love
Still that I will never doubt, but reverse
True love brings wealth.
So until I find true love,
Even if I had a million bucks,
I will never be truly wealthy.
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I kind of like the message you mean with this poem, however I was a bit bugged by the fact there's little punctuation and also I believe the same as BrookeBrontosaurus, there should be the I before am, try shortening it to I'm for example ^^
I think this is way too long, try shortening it and if needed, widening it into two stanzas ( the 2nd stanza )
I had the habit to break the poem formation at the end and it seems you have broken it here. You made it into three from four. I know it might be pretty much meant to be so, but in terms of the rhythm and poetry I think it'd be better to stick to four verses per stanza ( because in your case your stanzas are of four verses ).
Hope it helps ^^
Good luck and keep writing!
I thought this was really good. I really liked the message you were sending.
I think you need the word I in front of those (am)s, though.