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Young Writers Society



The Dark Abyss (Preface & Chapter 1)

by EmoBear


Preface

I was searching for my dreams. The constant nightmare that I have had for weeks. I couldn't stand to be away from my friends and family, but it was the only way. I lingered in the shadows as I watched the dark figures talk among themselves.A tall man came in the door and everyone was silent.I waited for the man to speak.

The man's face looked so familiar that I backed away. I couldn't believe who I thought it was.I was over taken by a rush of cold air and then I felt dizzy.I fell backwards on to the floor and heard the voices of Jake,Jason,and Marcus in my head. Hearing them each saying the same thing over and over again. "Skye.I love you! Don't go away!"

The Warning

I was falling,but falling no where. It just kept getting darker and darker. I wanted to scream,but the scenery changed quickly.I was suddenly surrounded by dark figures in dark red cloaks.I backed up against the wall.

"Who are you?!" I screamed.

"We are here to warn you Miss Skye Quinn." A strange male voice said.

I sat up screaming.My dreams weren't normally like that.What were they trying to warn me about? It didn't matter.I looked at my alarm clock.It was already noon.I was glad it was Saturday.I looked around my usual room.My walls were purple,which was my favorite color.I had one window on the right side. My door was just a regular white door, but had my tall mirror on the back.My dresser sat against the wall in front of my bed. They were a good six feet away.My closet was on the left side of my room. My bed tied it all together by being in the middle against the wall.My night stand sat next to my bed.

My breathing went back to normal.I was thankful to be away from the cloaked figures.I got up from my bed and stretched.I tried to shed my mind away from the nightmare.The summer was near,so I could put that on my mind.Monday was going to be my last day of school.Great.More summer torture from Marcus.I thought dreadfully.Marcus was my older brother. His hair was a hazel-nut brown color and his eyes were a dark green.Marcus was sixteen years old. I was only thirteen.

I walked over to my door.I jumped when I saw myself in the mirror.My brown emo-styled hair was a mess.I grabbed my brush off my night stand and pulled it through my hair.My eyes were a soft brown.I was wearing my normal bed clothes.Which were silk shorts and a black shirt.I opened my bedroom door and headed downstairs.

"Hey sweetie," my mom greeted.

"Hi mom.Do you work today?" I asked

"No. Not today. Why?"

"I want to go to the mall today."

"Well. Okay.How about 4:30?"

"Okay. Seems fair enough." I smiled at her.

My mother was always nice to me. She never wanted to lose me like she had lost my dad. My mom's hair was a curly blonde and her eyes were green like Marcus's eyes.He and I got our hair color from our father. My eyes came from my Aunt Bell.I went to the fridge and got some orange juice and a cup from the cabinet.I poured myself a glass and put the orange juice away.

I went back upstairs and banged on Marcus's bedroom door. "Get your lazy butt up! Mom said so!" I shouted really loud.I heard Marcus growl and mumble something quietly.I snickered to myself.I loved making him mad.According to him, it was my job as a little sister. I walked to my bedroom and found some clothes.My outfit consisted of jeans and an orange Fox Racing t-shirt.

I headed back downstairs to find Marcus in the kitchen.He glared at me.I simply smiled at him."Good morning Marc," I said.He rolled his eyes at me.I went to go sit on the couch to put my shoes on.My shoes were the pair that I had always wanted.They were white Nike Airs with purple shocks and a purple streak on the side.Absolutely perfect for me.My mom came down stairs in jeans, a pink Tye-dyed shirt, and a pair of black flip-flops.

"Marcus. We're going to the mall. Okay?" My mom informed him.

"Okay. And? What about me?" He replied.

"Go some where for the day. I'm leaving the truck" She said.

"So I get the truck and you get the car?" He asked.

"I have my cell phone and yes."

"Mom doesn't trust you like she does me," I mocked.

"Shut up shorty!" Marcus shouted.

"Come on Skye," my mom interrupted.

We were at the mall in an hour.I was ready to shop because that was exactly what I needed to forget the dream.Maybe I'll see him here.I thought.By him I meant Jason White.He was perfect.His hair is emo-styled like mine but instead it was sandy blonde. His eyes are a strange light green.My mom let me walk around by myself.She had handed me a $150. She trusted me so well.I walked to my favorite store,which is Wet Seal.I walked in and stopped dead.

Impossible.It can't be.I thought.It was none other than Jake Ross. He was supposed to be on a cruise.Jake was my best friend. I ran up to him and hugged him to death.When I let go he turned and smiled.

"Oh my god! Hey Skye." Jake said.

"I missed you Jake." I told him.

"Same here."

"Yeah right."

"What? A guy can't miss his best friend?"

"Nope.Not at all."

That got us laughing.Then Jake stopped laughing."What is it Jake?" I asked.He shook his head and hugged me one more time.I skipped out on getting some jeans from Wet Seal.I decided to walk around with Jake.His hair was sleek black hair and his eyes were a soft sky blue.He wasn't much taller than me.Jake was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. His t-shirt had some kind of white design on the front. It looked like a white skull with wings.His shoes are old worn out Nikes.He always wears them.

"I missed you so much Skye." He broke the silence.

"Yeah I missed you, too." I said.

"But I-I think that I m-might be in love with you."

"Oh! I um" I said trying to think.

"I guess I'll leave you alone." He said sadly.

"No! I don't want you to." I said quickly.

I grabbed his arm when he tried to walk away.I pulled him close to me and kissed him."Maybe I'm in love with you, too. Never leave me Jake." I said when I pulled away.He pulled me into a gentle hug.We continued our walk around the mall, but he had his arm around me.What about your perfect Jason? A voice in the back of my head said.I pulled myself closer to Jake. I hated Jason now.He was distant.

Jake and I found my mom in a shoe store. She offered him a ride home.He said yes and we headed home.But when we got to Jake's house, I stayed with him. It was a good thing I had my bag with me. I got my shopping bags out of the car, waved to my mom, and went inside with Jake.


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Tue Apr 28, 2009 4:40 pm
Esmé wrote a review...



Hello,

Joining date gives you away, ha! Welcome to YWS ^^ Hopefully you’ll find your own snuggly spot here and stay with us forever and always. Before I comment on your story, though, you must know that to legally post anything of your own, you have to critique, too. Or, differently – for every one piece you post, you must review two other stories/poems in any forum. You do that :]


***


First things first, visuals. Yes, yes, packaging may not seem so important, but for someone who might skim first, and then eventually read, or *gasp* publish, it is. And those spaces – or lack of them – after a comma, period are annoying. They just are. Sometimes you have them, sometimes you don’t. Clean that up.

Dialogue punctuation. You have some very nice tags, but they could be even nicer with proper punctuation. Google it before I try to explain all the little nuances and make a muddle of your brain.
Mmm. You definitely have a story there, a good basis to build around. Everything happens rather quickly, though. Perhaps you should slow down the pace? Add description (though character-wise you have it covered, so I can easily imagine them), add emotion – show, don’t just tell us, state, but show. Make me go “awwwww” at the kiss!


Cheers,
Esme





Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away.
— Carl Sandburg