Published August 10, 2011
What does thou see?
When thou gaze'th at me?
A creamy concoction
Of sugars;
Of spice.
But I am not willing
to be sacrificed.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I wear a mask of chocolate
To hide what's felt within
But when I cringe in horror,
within my sugary skin.
You do nothing but
watch me,
and grin.
Smelling,
Seeing;
Caressing and
Licking
me
Again and again...
Unmercifully.
I am your
Paradise;
Whether I like it,
Or not.
But at my exhaust
I feel nothing but Lost.
For that's who I am.
I am nothing.
I am your...
Paradise; Lost.
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141,442 Literary Works • 674,439 Reviews
This was absolutely amazing! I have no complaints at all.
I'd like to think you're talking about chocolate or something of the like. It is also a bit unsettling because now I feel like I've molested every single piece of candy I have ever eaten in my life. Every ice cream cone, Hershey's bar, Twix, well you get it. You had a good structure and the poem flowed effortlessly - to me anyway.
You just keep writing.
I hope I understood your poem's inner meaning because it looks.....deep and well expressed.
The punctuation, grammar, and imagery, I guess, was very good.
The flow and pace was nice. Certainly, you're a pro. But I
I wear a mask of chocolateTo hide what's felt within -But sometimes I cringe,And I crumble in horror,within my sugary skin. You watch me, and you grin.
You could edit this to rhyme in better.
Best of luck!