Published October 6, 2011
Listen
Listen
Listen
Can you hear her crying?
Can't you see she's dying?
Listen
Listen
Listen
Can you hear her breathing?
No -
Not now.
Listen
Listen
Listen
God.
Can you hear her, praying?
God.
Won't you stop her Daddy playing?
Listen
Listen
Listen
Does she pray now?
God?
God?
God?
No -
Not now.
Listen
Listen
Listen
Baby sister started dying,
Mother started crying.
Other baby girl was trying,
But nobody was replying.
Listen
Listen
Listen
Who cares?
Not her - not anymore.
You?
Who's listening?
Listen
Listen
Listen
You can see a baby girl
Without a sister, or a mother,
And a Daddy who abused her.
Daddy is a mess.
Daddy loathes his baby daughter.
Who cares?
Listen
Listen
Listen
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I love this poem, and I wouldn't change it, but I think it would nice to know who the baby sister died and what happened to the mother. Why has her father started abusing her? Is she praying to God, and she thinks he's not listening? Who does she want to listen to her story? These are just some things to think about. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.
Have a great day,
Tiffany
You don't hold anything back! wow.... This poem was really touching. Firstly, I think the title is perfect.
The only thing I wasn't sure about was the line: Won't you stop her Daddy, playing? ---- I wasn't sure if you need the comma? I don't think it does anything but confuse me were it is now.
I think the stanza I felt was the best is :
Baby sister started dying,
Mother started crying.
Other baby girl was trying,
But nobody was replying.
It shows the helplessness of abuse, the shame, the isolation.
awww! you should submit this into someone or like a magazine! I love this and it's so heart touching. Man this is a tear jerker also is this about child abuse or someone dying? Would you clear this up for me. I'm pretty sure it's about child abuse just wanna make sure. <3
~Neonwriter <3