Young Writers Society

Hello, hello! Gxldencrxwns here for a review! Now, I'm no expert at poetry, but this is a very good piece of writing you have here.

The beginning makes it sound like the typical high school girl love story, to be honest. Nothing special, all cliche. However, the title, "Lover" gives it a special feeling. I don't know why though. Anyways, moving on.

As we move on closer to the end, it seems to get more emotional. For example:

What I mean is that no matter how big or small of a fight we might have,

I will still love you,

and that is for sure.

It shows that the narrator still loves this person, even if said person hurts him/her or leaves him/her. I actually find that to be quite sad, you still love that person no matter what they did to you. That's pretty deep.

Overall, I don't see much wrong with this, the spelling and grammar seem alright, but some lines don't rhyme up correctly, as the last reviewer had pointed out.

Keep up the good work!
~Gxldencrxwns

Hey there!
Eli here!
Great morning/afternoon/eve!

I am here to review of lovely piece. Not very good with poetry to be honest. It is not the best I could review but that does not mean I will not give my whole honest opinion about it. My review iwll be more discussion of what the poem is making me feel and how I like in it as a reader. Hope you find this review interesting or even slightly helpful. Also, I appreciate the rhymes lots. I will be sectioning this work of your to shorter and smaller parts so I can discuss and talk about them easier.


Maybe not my last love,

but my first you are.

Before you, there were others,

but none deserving the title of lover.

The first two lines make you think that you talk about that sweet first love of a highschool girl for example. This is what I thought to be honest. Just the obvious basic story. But I did not expect the title 'lover' to be actually soemthing more special than in the boring romance dramas. Usually first lover means exactly what the words say but you make it sound more special just the way it is. 'Before you, there were others' show that they are actually not the 'first' person to be able to get to you at all but the 'first' to fulfil you and earn the title of being called that. It makes the poem already seem more strong and deeper. The rhymes start here.

I shall cherish all the memories we make,

even if later they make heart ache.

My heart won’t break,

Remembering the love,

I will forever remember.

Here we have broken rhythm of the rhyming. It starts pretty well with the rhymes of 'make' and 'ache'. They actually make sense and go well with the whole composition. 'Break' also comes in the rhyming even if usually I go by one rhyme for two lines. It goes smooth until there. Maybe the 'remember' that is breaking the whole way the words are coming out of the throat. It is a longer word right at the end of your line, not rhymed with the other previous lines. 'I will forever remember even if gone' would be something suitable? But just an option as I can not tell if it goes with the concept.


Innocent and naive,

I belive,

you will never forget me.

I know I might not be cheesy,

and I might even feel queasy,

when you are.

In these first three lines the rhyme seems perfect even if you do not connect the first two lines with the third, it does not sound or seem any kind of wrong and actually not being rhymed makes it better. The fourth line confuses me a bit even if I understand what you meant there. Usually person would be saying that they try to not be cheesy or they are sorry for being cheesy or I do not know but they would not say sorry for not being cheesy. Kind of weird but I do not know.


But honey,

The truth is you make me feel addicted,

to your love;

In fact, of it, I won’t get sick of.

I have two options for this part to be honest. Either let the second and third line be together so you do not stop the flow or cut the last line so it looks as good as the beginning. The third line is such a awkward pause of the flow. It is short and the last line is so long.


Your company is such a treat,

and without I feel incomplete,

I know im being not even close to discreet,

but you make my heart skip a beat,

whenever you are sweet.

You have missed one 'it' in the second line. And one sweet ' betweem I and m. The rhyme is perfect in this part.



You should hear me talk about you,

believe me when I say I can get cheesier than the notebook,

If only you understood,

how much I would endure,

to ensure to you,

how much I love you.

I do not get the comparison of a notebook and yourself to be honest.


I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.

I love you more…

When I say this I mean so much more than you can imagine.

What I mean is that no matter how big or small of a fight we might have,

I will still love you,

and that is for sure.

What I mean is that I love you more than any distance that might be between us.

What I mean is that you are the kind of person I would write a 1000 page novel about.

What I mean is that you are mine and that I am yours and I want to keep it that way.

Just know, no matter what I say, how much I might deny it,

my heart belongs to you,

and only when you don’t want it anymore,

is when I shall ever get it back,

and even if I do,

your name will be engraved on it,

because what we have isn’t something I nor my heart could ever forget.

This last part was very emotional but also torn apart. The 'I love you' repetative parts can be kind of forgiven, they give us the feel of all that you could possibly do for that person's attention and affection. But it gets too much when we get to the 'What I mean'. The sentences are great on their own but not in that order. Maybe something else in between them to not tighten the poem around that phrase.

Some lines really confused me so I will display them here.

and only when you don’t want it anymore,

is when I shall ever get it back,

and even if I do,

your name will be engraved on it,

So if that person does not want your heart anymore, you will get it back? Doesn't it make more sense if you give them back your heart when they least want it? Sounds romantic. And what do you get back? Their heart?

So even if you do, their name is engraved on your heart. Even if you get it back? Maybe I lost the point of it somewhere.

Keep on writing!