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Young Writers Society



Hourglass

by Emma


Wow thats good! Doesnt make sense at all! I will go and read from the beginning! Stupid grin!


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Fri Apr 01, 2005 10:07 pm
Sam wrote a review...



Thanks, Jack, but I usually just post them separately because otherwise it's hard for new readers to crit the first chapter or something. :D

and this was supposed to feel rushed...but not very rushed, like you pointed out. partly that's because i am planning to go over that later, but I'll fix it up nonetheless.




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Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:57 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



Ah, ‘tis a mix of emotions I feel as, in the dead of night, I peer out my window to see rows of soldiers in uniform rows. Their weapons strapped to their backs glint evilly in the flickering light of a streetlamp, whilst their faces glint with a mixture of sweat and blood- theirs, I do not know. I do not even want to know. Once-crisp britches and coats are also splattered with the stuff, adding to the overall eerie majesty of the group.

I am not sure if I am the only one to witness their arrival, but I cannot be the only one affected by it. For, in itself, ‘tis a blessign and a curse to have His Majesty’s army come to town.


I think we need more description in this bit, you seem to skim over it rather quickly.

Actually you could say that for most of it. It seems a little rushed.

Anyway, I need to find the start of this. It's hard when people start a new topic for each new insert, it'd be more useful if you just put it in the same topic!




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Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:45 pm
hekategirl wrote a review...



This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly extrodanarily good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!! you are out of your writing block, Sam! woohoo!!!!!! but it was a tinsy bit confusing, just the first part. I know in the second part its from Luke's point of view but i'm not sure from who's point of view the beginning was from. Liberty? if it was Liberty I think you should say like you did on that one part you sent me on AIM. But this was great. Not boring at all. Can't wait for more :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D




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Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:15 pm
Sam says...



LOL!

hee...





It's crazy how your life can be twisted upside down inside out and around and you can get sushi from safeway still looking like a normal person
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