Hey EmilyRMaiorano,
First Impressions: Nice little piece with some intriguing thoughts. Perhaps a bit cliche and overused, but still not bad.
Positives:
Your grin dulling into sepia every moment.
Thought that this was good. Also somewhat cliche, but then, it's classic, so it works well, especially when you're working with someone like a photo that is slowly turning old.
Negatives:
Your grin dulling into sepia every moment.
Your voice silencing every year.
You're an image and I was the marveling photographer with a scant album.
You are an image now with no purposeful memory.
You're only an object, nothing profound.
You are an image reminding me of the anguish I experience whenever I recall our laughter and hope.
You are an image.
The poem starts out pretty good, and flows into the center section where it levels out a bit, but it ends on a sort of redundant note. Obviously part of that will come from the fact that you use the same wording for each line, which may be something that you wanted to do. If not, then it would be good to switch it up a little, that way the reader doesn't stop paying attention because it seems as if they've already read the same thing before.
Overall: It's okay, needs a little tuning here and there.
I give it:
Joseph Henry George
Points: 6987
Reviews: 117
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