I've expended it all.
Every nauseating yearn of attachment,
Every selfless stare and every gracious offer-- I have expended.
Now, you are only an image:
An image stored in a fragile wooden box, aging each day.
Gradually, your sight is receding.
Your grin dulling into sepia every moment.
Your voice silencing every year.
You're an image and I was the marveling photographer with a scant album.
Now, You've developed into an image with no purposeful memory.
You're only an object, nothing profound.
You are an image reminding me of the anguish
The pang I experience whenever I recall our laughter and hope.
You are an image.
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140,340 Literary Works • 673,114 Reviews
Hey EmilyRMaiorano,
First Impressions: Nice little piece with some intriguing thoughts. Perhaps a bit cliche and overused, but still not bad.
Positives:
Thought that this was good. Also somewhat cliche, but then, it's classic, so it works well, especially when you're working with someone like a photo that is slowly turning old.
Negatives:
The poem starts out pretty good, and flows into the center section where it levels out a bit, but it ends on a sort of redundant note. Obviously part of that will come from the fact that you use the same wording for each line, which may be something that you wanted to do. If not, then it would be good to switch it up a little, that way the reader doesn't stop paying attention because it seems as if they've already read the same thing before.
Overall: It's okay, needs a little tuning here and there.
I give it:
This was a wonderful piece! It could use some editing, some of your word choices could have been changed to make the poem flow. There was also few grammar mistakes. Other than that, I loved the mood of this poem and the ending definitely left an impact on me. This was a strong piece, wonderful job!
Sillia here!
Its amazing and says a lot.So first off; I normally don't do poetry reviews so pardon me if I step on any toes.
I really liked this poem. I really liked the detail and the emotion that you put into this piece. There was a lot of things that I can connect to based off..ah..my own experiences. You're description is...amazing. I know I kinda already said that lol. Honestly my favorite line is:
Anyway thats kind of all I have to say
Thanks for the read!
Keep writing!
Sillia
Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback!
Your welcome!