Perfect Weather

Ding. Ding. Ding.

Everyone’s on their feet in seconds and running out the door. School’s finally out for summer, and for some people, like me, we don’t ever have to come back. Some people are going to college, some are starting in the workforce, or joining the military. I’m staying home. I have to tend to the farm. With dad’s condition, there’s nobody else to do it. He doesn’t trust hiring anybody else to do the work for him on the farm that he took years and years to build it to how is to this day.

Cancer. Cancer’s a pain in the ass. I’d go into the ring with it, and knock it out any day. Dad’s body has grown older and gone through pain that no one else deems imaginable. He’s had multiple surgeries, and scars that cover his body. They have found brain tumors before, and they said they may or may not see them again. His blue eyes, where I got mine from, have been getting more and more distant. He no longer has the smile in his eyes that used to wrap me in love as a boy. Ma’s grown older too. Her sun-bleached brown hair has gotten whiter and whiter throughout the last year with anxiety. Her laugh lines are now even more visible on her face.

I’m walking out to my covered in rust, beat up black Chevy. I have other words for it, which I’m just not going to get into. Just as I’m stepping into it, my friend, Ben, stops me, “Hey, Jake, party at the old pond tonight. You in?”

The old pond’s something that has been a significant part of this small town, people are always there no matter the time of day. I mused on it, “I don’t know man. I’ve got a lot of work to do to prepare for summer.”

He punched me in the arm, not hard, considering how much of a weakling he is. He’s older than I am, yet a good foot and a half smaller than me. His blonde hair and blue eyes would show his German pride, if his mouth already didn’t. “C’mon man! You work as much as a middle-aged man does! You’re young, have at least one last hoorah. You’ll regret it if you don’t come, and I’ll even help you out one day if you do come. And guess what? Rachel will even be there. Say one last word to her before you never see her again.”

Rachel is someone who I used to love with all of my heart. Or thought I did until she cheated on me. I still get butterflies when I see her glance at me, and sometimes I can feel my face get really warm. Her long, red hair always smelled like strawberries and her big, blue eyes seemed endless. She was there for me when I needed someone, through all of the hard times and plenty of good ones. She was the kindest person, and not just to me, to anyone she met. She never judged and Ma adored her. That’s why I didn’t believe her at first when she told me what she had done. She’ll always be a small piece of my heart, even though she’s the one who shattered it.

“So does that mean you will come?” I was so lost in thought I forgot that he was even there anymore.

“Yeah, I guess so. But only for a little bit.” I started my engine and started backing up. “And don’t pull anything while I’m there.” I called out of the window towards him.

He put his hands in the air in denial with that same mischievous smile that I’m sure all the teachers won’t miss, “I’d never!”

I started driving off and I looked in my rearview mirror I watched him as he turned around and hugged his girlfriend, Bridgette. They’re smiling at each other with such love, and it hurts my heart to the point that I can’t watch them. I’m jealous of him, something that I don’t feel too often. Oh, how much I miss being caressed like that in lust with somebody. I miss being able to hug someone that was so special to me.

I look back to the road and drive all the way home, thinking about tonight.

I ran out the screen door, it slamming behind me. I open it back up a crack knowing Ma probably wants to beat me right now. She’s the kindest woman in the world, but once that door slams shut, you want to run. She turned around from the dishes and is stared at me. “Sorry Ma!”

Her frown turns into a smile, “Never mind that boy, go have fun!”

I sprinted to my truck, after slowly closing the door of course. I don’t know why I’m so excited to go, but I am.

I drove down the old, dirt road to the pond, blasting my country tunes. I pull up and people are running around everywhere. There are people hovering around the beer, some talking in groups, and some doing a run-and-jump into the pond, splashing the girls who run in fear.

I get out of my truck and Tom comes over to me handing me a beer, “What’s going on man?” He’s not your typical man at this party. Instead, he has his ears pierced, tattoos all over, and I’m sure he doesn’t really know what work is.

I take the beer out of his hand, happy to know that there’ll be more of it if I really need it. “Not much.”

He chuckled, “Work on your farm?”

“Yeah, as soon as I got home I was out there until it was time for supper.” I took a nice big gulp of beer. It soothed my throat, warming my body.

He patted me on the back, “Do you know-“

“Jake!” Ben interrupted him. He walked over and grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from Tom. “Sorry about that, bud, nobody invited him. He just sort of came I guess. Anyways, a part of me thought you wouldn’t come. I guess I’m going to have to help you on the farm now for a day.” He laughed.

I smiled, “I actually needed to get out of the house for a while.”

“Yeah I bet.” He walked me to a group of girls standing by the picnic table that someone placed next to the camp fire, which included Bridgette and Rachel. Rachel looked at me and smiled.

Ben looked at Bridgette, “Hey babe, can you come help me really quick?”

Bridgette walked away with him, the other girls following. Only Rachel stayed behind. I knew this was one of Ben’s tricks. I started walking away, but she grabbed my arm. “Wait, can we talk?”

I took another gulp of beer, “Yeah, I guess.”

She smiled softly, “Okay, meet me at the dock? I’m going to go get us some drinks.”

She walked away as I walked slowly over to the dock and sat down lying on my back. She came back in no time and sat down next to me dipping her toes in the water. “You know, I’m really sorry about everything.”

I closed my eyes and rolled them, “It doesn’t change anything now.”

She smirked, “I never said it did. I just don’t want you to hate me anymore.”

“It’s kind of hard not too, you know. You did break my heart.”

She sighed, “Yeah, I didn’t mean to though.”

“How did you mean it then?” I stared at her dead in the eyes.

“I don’t know, it all just happened so fast. I got a call from my dad one time when you were out working on the farm and I was hanging out at the park with Lucas. My dad was yelling at me over the phone and I needed someone there for me right then and it all just happened so fast. I didn’t mean it. I still care about you.”

I got up and started walking away. I didn’t care about what she had to say to me, I had a right to not have to listen to her cover for herself. “I would have come to you if you called me.”

I kept walking until I got to my truck, got in, and left. Nobody went after me. Nobody probably figured that I’d even show up here tonight, let alone stay as long as I did. I drove home and quietly went in through the door, making sure that it didn’t slam shut. I walked down the hallway past the kitchen to see Dad and Ma sitting in the living room/. I sat down on the green chair that makes you feel as if you’re being sucked into a black hole. Dad is smoking a cigar, while Ma is reading on of her old books. She is complaining to him about his smoking habits. “You know, Henry, if you’re not going to care about your own health, then why should I?”

He looked at me and smiled, “Then don’t care.”

She became furious, “How am I not supposed to care? I am your wife and you are my husband. It is my duty to care about you and everything that has to do with you. Even your terrible smoking habit! That’s not helping you fight the cancer any.”

He remained unusually calm, “If my time is coming to an end, my smoking isn’t going to change the fact. Please, stop your worrying. Anyways, it’s probably your cooking that’s done it to me.”

She smiled, “I don’t want to hear it, Henry. If my cooking is that bad then you can cook for yourself and I’ll sit around waiting for people to wait on me.”

“You know that I don’t mean that literally, honey. I admire you’re cooking very much. It is how I got this,” he patted his stomach that has become larger throughout the years.

I looked at him, remembering when he had muscles from the hard work on the farm. I remember us out in the barn playing catch, his movements so sudden and fast I could to never imagine him being old and weak. But reality took a hold of him and now looking at him I think I almost pity him. Not that he wants it, he hates attention, unless it’s from him showing off. But now that he can’t work on his own farm without difficulty, it saddens him. He never says so, but I can see it in his eyes, and he gets upset when he can’t get something done from either the pain of doing it or the weakness in his body. He curses and walks to me, slowly, head down, asking for my help. I can tell that he thinks he’s a disappointment to me, but he’s far from that. He’s the inspiration for everything that I do.

My mom looked at me with saddened eyes as if she’s recalling the past with me, “Yes, I’ve noticed you getting plumper, old man.” She put the book down on the end table next to her and placed her glasses on top of that, “I suppose it’s time for me to take the clothes off the line before bed.”

She stood up, but I stopped her, “I’ve got it, mom.” Her chores help her escape from reality. Sometimes when I try to talk to her as she’s doing the dishes or laundry she doesn’t hear me or even notice that I’m there. Like she’s lost in another world of thought much deeper than anyone would ever know.

She opened her mouth as if to protest, but then stood up, smiled at me, and went to her room. Dad got up saluted me and followed her into the room, leaving me sitting in this sunken chair in complete silence. I sat there for a second, listening to the unceasing clicks of the grandfather clock in our hallway. I smiled to myself remembering how it was brought into our home. Dad found it on the side of the road, broken and beat up. Parts were missing and most that were there were broken, some beyond repair. Ma always said that she wanted one and the second Dad saw it lying there he pulled over and put it into the bed of his truck. After we got back home that day he quickly shoved it in the barn, telling me to keep quiet about it, so we can surprise Ma. It was one of the most fun projects we had together. Rebuilding it took time, but I honestly never wanted it to end. We would joke and run around like mad men. One day we finished it though. Now it’s one of the most beautiful things that I’ve ever seen. Dad gave it to Ma saying that he bought it for her like that. I never understood why he would lie about doing something so big for someone, and I wonder if Ma would ever know. Maybe he doesn’t like the attention of doing something good for someone because he feels that he doesn’t deserve it.

I stood up and went outside to take down the laundry. I folded each piece of clothing, put it in the washroom and went inside to get myself ready for bed. Within seconds I was fast asleep.

I woke to the smell of Ma’s homemade waffles. Within minutes I was dressed and sitting at the table, even beating my dad to it. He shuffled his way out to take his seat not too long after me and he seemed as if he were still sleeping. He looked at me for a second then looked away, “You know that damn tractor is still broken.”

Ma came over and placed the food on the table and took her seat next to Dad.

I grabbed as much food as I could and slapped it all on my plate, “Do you know what’s wrong with it?”

He shook his head, taking a big bite of waffles, and swallowing it, “I haven’t really been able to take a good look.” He rubbed his hands together, and I knew instantly that they were the reason why he wasn’t able to.

“I’ll go out there after I finish up eating and take a look at it. Maybe I’ll even fix it, it all depends.”

He nodded his head, but said nothing more. I know how he must feel to have to depend on someone else to take care of things that he used to be able to do within a few hours, having no problems after. It must seem like he’s on a leash, forbidden to be who he really is on the inside. Frustration would take over and you’ll become like a dog that is lying sadly in the grass, watching all of the other dogs run around you, wishing you could just be one of them for a day.

Ma pipes up after eating only half her plate and pushing it aside, “That green house down the street has finally been sold.”

The green house has been sitting there for most of my life, the last people living in it moved out when I was only six or seven. It’s a decent house, farther into the woods, so you can hardly see it from the road. It’s been more than well taken care of. There’s not a scratch or dent on the whole thing, just no one wants to buy it.

Dad grumbled, “It’s about time. I was afraid that house would start falling apart. How do you know someone moved in?”

“Well I was going for a walk yesterday morning and I saw a lot of commotion there so I stopped by to see what was going on and I talked to the new owners. They’re very kind people and seem to have open hearts. They’re from the city though, so they had a lot of questions for me and I said if they were to ever need anything to stop by and ask.”

Dad laughed, “And you invited them over didn’t you?”

She smiled too, “Well how could I not? They were so nice to me. They’re coming over later for dinner. And they have a daughter,” she was looking at me, “she’s about your age. I didn’t get to see her though. She was busy unpacking in her room when I went over.”

I didn’t see why that really mattered to me, but I nodded my head anyways, and finished off my plate. I got up and washed my dishes and went outside to work on the tractor. It didn’t take long for me to finish, it was one of the easier things to take care of on the tractor.

I went back inside after about an hour or two to clean myself up before the neighbors came over. After my shower I walked into the kitchen, where I could smell and somewhat taste the pork chops that mom has started to make for dinner tonight. She turned to me and smiled, “You have sure grown into a handsome man. You know I used to be scared for you when you were younger,” she joked.

I grabbed an apple and took a bite out of it, “Where’s Dad? I want to tell him how it went and what needed to be fixed on the tractor.”

She thought for a moment, and then turned back to her food, “Probably in the barn, smoking his cigars and drinking beer. Trying not to upset me, I presume, but it’s not working.”

She was probably right, but I didn’t say so, instead I thanked her and went out to the barn where, sure enough was Dad, with a cigar in his mouth and a beer in his lap. He was listening to our ancient radio that he’s had since I could remember, playing some oldies with his eyes closed and humming along. He didn’t see me come in, but once I cracked open the cooler he opened his eyes at me. He didn’t smile, “Yeah?”

I opened up a beer, “I came to tell you that I fixed it up, it wasn’t anything major it was just the-”

“I don’t feel like listening to that right now,” he interrupted. “I have a migraine the size of Alaska and thinking is just not in me right now.”

That worried me, “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

He chuckled a little, “You get your worrying from your mother. No, I’m fine. I get them all the time, even when I was younger. It’ll pass in no time, just let me be for a while.”

“Okay,” I started out the door.

“And don’t you even think about telling your mother about this,” he called after me. “I’ll be at in the E.R. within two minutes if she does, and the closest hospital is half an hour away!”

I knew he was probably right, but what if it turns into something major and I didn’t say anything about it? Mom would be sure to never forgive me if that were to happen. He used to have a lot of migraines when I was younger, I remember those clearly. He wouldn’t want to play with me, and got angry when I asked. Or when we were in the middle of playing, he would stand up and walk away without a word. He would go and hide somewhere and rest, either the barn or he’d go for a walk down towards the creek. I was never allowed to come and instead I would sit on the grass and wait for hours on end, plucking the grass one by one, and waiting for him to come out of hiding. Mom’s always tried to help him by buying medicine to help with the headaches, but he would always refuse. He didn’t believe in things like that, “They do more harm than good, and only last a few hours at that,” he would always say to her. It was hard enough for the doctors to put him under when he had to have the surgeries done, but after he looked at Mom crying in the corner he knew that he had to.

I went back into the house, not wanting to bother him, and mom turned to look at me instantly, “Is he smoking and drinking?”

I nodded, afraid that I might just happen to spill something more than I mean to.

She also nodded and once again turned back to working on her food, “He’s got a migraine doesn’t he?”

I didn’t know what to say, but Mom was far from stupid. She would know how you were feeling long before you were feeling it or before you realized that’s what you were feeling. “Yes, but I don’t think it’s that bad. He was talking to me just fine. And he told me not to tell you about it.”

“No one had to tell me. The second that he silently walked out there without a word I knew that’s what was going on. You know, Jake, I’m not as bad of a worrier as everyone makes it seem like I am. Yes, I care deeply about everything, but just because someone happened to get a sliver, I’m not going to rush them to the hospital. If that was the case then we’d be there right now. I’m not stupid, I know everything that’s going on around me, whether you’re trying to keep it a secret or not.”

“I never said you were stupid.”

“I never said you did.” She started taking off her apron and placed it on the hanger, “I’m going out there to help him, could you please peel the peas for me?”

“Of course I can.”

She smiled and walked out the door, silently shutting it behind her. I turned to the pea pods and opened up the first one, and let four small peas fall into an empty bowl. A while later mom came back inside, my dad not far behind. My mom gave me a wink. I laughed, “What’s that for?”

They locked eyes with each other and my mom giggled, “Oh nothing, Jake.” She looked over at the peas, “Why thanks, that should be more than enough for now.” She laughed to herself as she finished up with everything.

I started walking away to go rest some in the living room, “Let me know if you guys need anything, I’m going to rest before dinner.”

My mom started laughing even more, “Okay, but just a fair warning, make yourself look nice before dinner. You’ve got yourself a crush!”

I didn’t answer her because I had no idea what that meant or what it was supposed to mean. I also didn’t want to question the issue either, and make it more of something that probably isn’t anything at all. But as I sat down on my bed and rested my head, all I could think about is what my mom said to me just a few seconds ago and what might happen tonight. I was actually getting butterflies in my stomach over a person that I don’t even know the name of. Somewhere in my daydreams about a perfect relationship I managed to fall asleep.

“Jake! Jake, honey, wake up!”

I slowly opened my eyes, having a hard time adjusting to the light of my room. I looked at the clock that’s hanging on my wall, it’s almost six. I get up not noticing my mom standing in the doorway. “Is dinner done?”

She smiled, “Yes, and its set. Our company is over too. I’m sorry; I forgot to wake you when I planned on doing it.” She walked over to me, licked her hand, and flattened my hair.

I grimaced, “Mom? What are you doing? I’m not six anymore.”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled, “I know you’re not. You’ve grown into a very handsome man and I’m so proud of you. There’s a very pretty girl out there that happens to like you. And I want you to finally be happy again. I miss that smile that used to take place on your face, before you had your first heartbreak.”

Likes me? “How do you know she likes me? I’ve never met this girl before.”

“She was taking a walk past our house as you were working on the tractor and her mother called earlier this morning to confirm a time for tonight and dropped that fact. She’s been recently heartbroken too, and her mother is becoming concerned as I am with you.”

“Concerned? Mom I’m the last thing you should be concerned about. I mean look at these guns,” I held up my arm and flexed. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, okay? Plus I’m only eighteen, not exactly forty and still living here, you know?”

She looked at the ground, “Yes, but I don’t want you to end up like that one day, sucking me dry with food and money, I want grandkids someday, and not thirty years from now when I might not even be here. You’ve just not been you, lately, ever since your heart was broken. I don’t want you to think that that’s how all women are, devious and untrustworthy. There are some girls out there who are nice and caring and ones that would do anything for the one they love. I know because that’s how I feel about your father. I’m not just concerned about the cancer itself and the smoking. I don’t know what I would do without your father at my side, through everything. The day he dies is the day I will too.”

I smiled at her. I already knew that’s what would happen to her once that day comes. I’m sorrowing more for her than myself. I touched her shoulder, “How about that dinner? I think we’ve kept them drooling long enough.”

She nodded only slightly letting a smile emerge from her lips, and we walked out to the kitchen side by side and she welcomed everyone to the meal.

I look around the table; there was a couple who are maybe a few years younger than Mom and Dad. The woman has a wide smile that showed the gums above her teeth. Her hair is short, curly, and red. She looked like the Lucy from the I Love Lucy show. She has big eyes and wore little to no makeup. The man is pudgy, not extremely overweight, but that’s the first thing that one notices when they look at him for the first time. He has a horseshoe haircut, meaning that he is bald everywhere but the sides of his head. He has small features with a small set of glasses that go with them. Then there’s the girl who sits next to her mom, barely glancing at me. She has long, straight, brown hair with blue eyes to compliment it. She looks nothing like either of her parents, having features that are close to flawless. She, in my opinion, is what I would classify as beautiful.

I take my seat across from her, not able to peel my eyes away. Dad’s mumbling on to Mom about keeping everyone waiting on the stupendous food, but I can barely hear him over the escalated rhythm of my heartbeat. The second she makes eye contact with me, I was sure that I was going to faint right then and there. I never felt this way about anyone, not even Rachel, but I grew up with her since I was just a baby.

Mom nudges me with her elbow and I turn my gaze to her, “Yeah?”

“Mr. Richardson would like the butter. He asked many times for it.” Mom says with a hint of amusement in her eyes.

I look down at the table, face red, and pass the butter to Mom to pass to him. I take a few breaths and fill my plate with food, but not too much. I’m afraid of her judging me if I do. Take a few more breaths. I never thought I would ever be afraid of someone judging me and not liking me.

Mom touches my arm, “Autumn this is Jake. Jake this is Autumn.”

She smiles at me with the most perfect set of lips, “Hello, Jake.”

I nod my head and smile, “Hello, Autumn.” That’s such a pretty name. It rolls off my tongue with excitement. “How are you on this fine day?”

She giggles, “I’m pretty good, you?”

The adults start carrying on their own conversations, no longer paying us any mind. I look out the window and back to her, “I’m alright. It’s perfect fishing weather.”

“Fishing?”

“You know what fishing is, right?”

“I know what it is. I just haven’t done it. And I thought it had to be colder to do so.”

I laughed. It wasn’t hard to tell that she’s from the city. “You can fish in any kind of weather. Didn’t have any fish bowls to fish from in the city?”

Another beautiful smile, “You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

“Kinda.”

“What about winter? You can’t fish if the water is frozen over.” She smirked as if she thought she got me.

I slap my hand to my forehead, “That’s called ice fishing. You drill a hole in the ice and fish through it. Is this your first time out of the city?”

“No, and you know I have more country in me than what meets the eye. I can get dirty if I need to.”

“Oh yeah? Well I’m going to hold you to that then.”

Her face became bright red, “What do you mean?”

“Let’s go fishing after dinner.”

She looked at her mom, who I didn’t realize was watching us. She nodded to Autumn, who looked back to me, “Yeah, I guess.”

We didn’t say much else for the rest of the dinner. She talked about her life in the city, and mine on the farm. I never realized how different they were from each other. There were the main things, but she says the smell alone is a million times different than in the city. We laughed at how in awe we were of each other, and the stories that we had to tell seemed like it would take years and years to finish talking about. I smiled at myself. I only knew this girl for about an hour now and I’m already thinking about all the years we have ahead of us.

Dinner finally past and she followed me to the basement to grab the fishing gear. Mom and her mom were cleaning up and doing dishes, and Dad and her dad were outside drinking beer and smoking cigars. I went out the back door, the sun was still shining bright, although not as bright as it was not too long ago. She followed my every step, and I liked that. I liked the being around her. It’s been a long time since I was actually happy about someone’s presence.

We walked the short distance through the woods to the small pond on my property. The same one my old coon hound, Beaver, used to swim around in. I grabbed the small container of worms out of the kit and showed her how to put a worm on the hook. She grimaced as I poked the hook through its body. I also showed her how to cast a hook and gave her that pole to hold on to. I did the same to my pole as I had done to hers and we sat down on the ground next to each other.

Her arm brushed against mine and I got the shivers. Not in a bad way, at all. The wind blew slightly and I caught the sweet scent of lilacs coming off of her. We sat some time talking until it was slightly darker than before. I looked at the pond and noticed that her bobber was under the water. I stood up, “Reel the line in, you’ve got something!”

She looked at me confused, “I don’t know what to do! What do I do? Help me! Help me!”

I laughed as I grabbed her pole and started reeling in the line. She watched the bobber draw closer with such excitement in her eyes. Finally it came to the end of the line, and on it was the smallest sunfish I’ve ever seen.

Her smile was the biggest smile that I’ve ever seen, “Oh. My. God. It’s so cute! I can’t believe I caught it! How rare is it?”

I laughed, “It’s not rare at all. It’s the easiest fish that you can catch. They’re not worth much, nor do they taste that good.”

She scrunched her nose up, “You eat the fish you catch?”

“Yes ma’am. That’s the best way to eat, with things that don’t have artificial products in them. And they taste a heck of a lot better too.”

She nose remained scrunched up, “I was never a big fan of seafood.” She looked down at the fish again, who was slowing his pace of trying to escape. She pointed to it, “Can I keep it?”

I laughed and dipped it in the water to let it breathe, “Keep it? What are you going to do with it?”

“Put it in my bathtub until I get a tank for it. And I’ll go to the store and buy fish food. I’ve had fish before.”

“Yes, but one that was straight out of the pond? Plus, how do you plan on getting it back to your house, filling your bathtub with water without it dying on the way back? It needs water to breathe and your house isn’t exactly a few seconds away.”

She looked down, “Alright, alright. So that was a bad idea, but please don’t take it home and eat it.”

I unhooked the fish and let it swim off in a hurry, hoping she’d see how kind I was. I looked up at her after reeling the line all the way in, “Happy?”

“Yes.” She looked down at the ground and her smile faded, “Where’s your pole?”

I looked around and it was nowhere in sight. I looked at the pond, and sure enough right in the middle of it floated my fishing pole. “One of the bigger fish must have grabbed it while we weren’t paying attention. Oh well, it’s too late now.”

She looked confused, “You’re not going to get it?”

“Do you know how many poles are on the bottom of that pond right now? More than I want to even know about. Plus if you want to swim out there to go get it and risk getting the hook stuck in your skin be my guest. I won’t be going in to save you then.”

She was looking all over the place, scanning the landscape that I knew as home to me, the one that I grew up with and played in my whole life. Yet to her it looked like the most unimaginable place in the world. And it was just starting to become night time. “No, I’m good. I wonder what it would have been like to grown up here. It’s so pretty, and different. It’s calming too. Like there’s not a worry in the world. I would stay here forever if I could. And the stars too,” She said pointing at the sky, “They’re so bright, and there’s so many. I’ve only seen them like this in pictures and on television. Oh, and one time when I was camping, but that was so long ago that I hardly remember or even cared to look at them long enough to soak in the beauty.”

I looked at the sky. I didn’t notice that the sun went down a lot more, leaving the sky with the red and purple haze before it would eventually turn black. “It’ll get a lot darker too. The stars are just starting to emerge from the sky. And this place is calming; it’s always been for me. It’s my secret hideout, where I used to go when I got into a fight with my parents, or if I just needed to get away for some time. I’ll come here, sit down on the ground and listen to nature as it speaks to me. I love it here, but it no longer saves me from my worries. When I was younger it did, when I would be upset about a girl rejecting my offer to buy her a school lunch in middle school, or when my pet turtle got sick. Now that I’m older, though, it doesn’t have the same magic as it used to.”

She looked at me with a look that I’ve never seen anyone give me before, “Kind of like a kid who learned that Santa isn’t real?”

“Kinda.”

“You know, Jake, if you offered me a school lunch, I’d take it.”

I didn’t say anything more to her, only acknowledging the statement with a glance and a slight smirk. She sat down on the ground, and I did the same, gently placing the pole on the ground next to me. She touched my hand, “What does a joker like you have to worry about? Especially one that can’t be diminished by this place?” She noticed my hesitance, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I’m sorry, you just met me and-”

“No, it’s fine,” I interrupted. “My dad has had tumors on his brain in the past. He’s gotten one removed in, but it came back and he was diagnosed with cancer not too long ago. He doesn’t go in for checkups and he doesn’t care about himself enough to go get it looked at and regulate it. He doesn’t believe in that stuff. He believes that if his time is going to come, then it will come no matter what. Which makes sense, but it’s driving my mom insane. So, I guess I’m more worried for my mom than myself. She’s grown so much older mentally and physically ever since my dad was diagnosed. We don’t know how much longer he has, or if he’ll live through it, or if the tumors have gotten bigger. We just don’t know. My mom is going to die with my dad and we all know it. I just don’t think he understands that yet.”

She didn’t say anything to me, just leaned in and kissed me. It took me a few seconds to realize what was going on, and then I relaxed and kissed her back. After a few short seconds, she pulled away and stared into my eyes, then looked away, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.”

“Don’t be. I didn’t mind at all.” I grabbed her chin and brought her lips to mine. A short while later, her mom called her name saying it was time to go home. She kissed me goodbye and ran off as I stayed back, at first watching her disappear into the woods, then to pick up the fishing gear.

I walked back through the woods, the smile never leaving my face. As soon as I came through the door, Mom jumped on me, “What happened? Do you like her? I can tell you like her.”

I spilled everything to her. I could no longer hold back the excitement I was holding inside. As soon as I was done telling my story she started crying. I dropped the gear and ran over to hug her, “What’s wrong?”

“I just want you to be happy again. I just want you to be happy.”

Throughout the remainder of the summer, I did a lot of working on the farm. Plowing the fields and harvesting. I worked on the broken equipment and got up at the break of dawn to milk the cows and feed the animals.

I also became really close with Autumn, she was always at my side. She would even work on the farm with me sometimes and I showed her and taught her things about nature and she loved every second of all of it. And I was happy to experience it all again through new eyes, especially her beautiful blue ones. I’ve taken her on hikes, mudding, swimming in the old pond, laid down in the wheat field, picked flowers, let her shoot a gun, drank beer, taught her how to drive my truck, and so much more and there’s still so much more that she wants to experience. Halfway through the summer I asked her to be mine and she accepted. I haven’t ever been so happy in my whole entire life, even when I thought I was on top of the world before, it turns out that I wasn’t even halfway there.

Although I’m the happiest person, I still have some days that bring me to rock bottom. Dad’s not doing so well anymore. He’s been the hospital for a week now, he can hardly speak. Mom has been there ever since, refusing to go home no matter how many times the doctors and I have begged her. She sits next to his bed staring at him, heartbroken as the oxygen is poured into his nose. She’s aged twenty years within the last week, her eyes blood shot from crying so much, no longer caring about what she looks like to everyone else. The only one she ever dressed up for cannot see what she looks like right now. The doctors haven’t said much to Mom, while she’s in this fragile state. All they have said was the tumors have gotten a lot larger than when they first started appearing again, and my mom cursed at his stubborn body for not taking care of himself. The doctors also don’t know how much longer he has left, leaving my mom unprepared for anything that might come. She’s dying with him. I’m losing both parents at once, and I can’t bear that burden in my heart.

Every day I wake up and do the morning chores on the farm, then drive over to the hospital to comfort Mom. Autumn has been there with me every day for the last week, cleaning the house as I’m on the farm, then going with me to the hospital so I don’t have to be by myself. She comforts me as I comfort Mom, and I thank her for that every second.

A few days later, I’m walking to the shed with a bucket full of fresh milk as my mom’s car pulls into the driveway. She doesn’t get out, but instead puts her head down on the steering wheel. I can see her back shaking so I know she’s crying. I drop the bucket, spilling the milk, and run to her as Autumn rushes out the front door. I open the door, “Mom? What’s wrong? Mom?”

Autumn is at my side as my mom slowly raises her head, tears streaming down her pale face, “Your father passed away this morning. He’s gone.”

I drop to my knees and let the tears stream down my face. I can’t believe that it actually happened. My hero, my best friend, my father, is gone. I never even got to say goodbye to him. I stood up and without saying anything, I walked through the woods to the pond and stood there, hating everything. No one followed, but I didn’t want to be followed. I sat on the ground my back against a tree, closed my eyes and cried.

A few hours later, Autumn walked to me with fishing gear in her hands. She put them on the ground, and sat down next to me. She grabbed my hand and played with my fingers, “I comforted your mom. She’s in bed now, sleeping. She needed it.”

I nodded, but couldn’t get myself to face her.

She understood though, “I brought the fishing gear.”

Finally I looked at her. At her beautiful face with eyes that comfort and relax you with just one glance. I looked at the fishing gear and back to her, “Why?”

She smiled, looked at the sky, then back to me, “It’s perfect fishing weather.”