Lullaby

Hello
Wow, this is an amazing poem! When I looked at the title I expected something very cheesy, however this turned out to be the opposite. I really like the first stanza, it starts off the poem really well, and of course as said many times before the line "My ink is dark and my heart is bright" is pretty much brilliant.
I really enjoyed that even though it is not very obvious, this poem has a certain story line and a plot. You use a lot of imagery, and metaphors that let the reader see their own images when reading the poem, which is what a poem should be doing. Another thing that I though was very well done was the ending. The repetition in the end have set me back into the mood of a lullaby.
I really enjoyed this poem, and I don't have anything negative to say.

This is very good, keep writing!

This was amazing! I love any piece of writing that makes me feel emotion and this definitely did. Please keep writing because you obviously have real talent!!!

Hey there Emery, Adel here!
Interesting, and fasinating poem you have here!
I am really impressed, my favorite line is
"my blood is dark but my heart is bright"
It just really stood out to me. I did not catch any mistakes, that have not been mentioned before, no point in telling them again.
Again this was very, very amazing and beautiful! Keep it up!

Hey, Emery! Nice piece you have there.

The first thing I thought when I looked at this work was: this needs some verses. Cramming them all together isn't the best choice here, and separating the lines together would really help make the piece look more organized and all in all, better.

The second thing is this little typo right here. I think you meant to put an "s" after "twist?...

"It twist and turns and takes me away..."

Also, "Babylon" should be capitalized.

"look, I’ve left babylon far far behind..."

My suggestion is, at the end, you should put some type of punctuation mark to let the reader know it's finished. Overall this was amazing! Your rhymes were lovely, and it all made sense and flowed beautifully. Good job and keep writing!

-wisegirl22

Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

Okay, well first thing first, I want to say that I'm not that good at poetry. In fact, I'm downright awful. I wish I could do something half as good as what you did. So, in light of that fact, this won't be the best review. But I will try my best.

You have almost no punctuation. A few question marks and that's it. You need to run through and paste a few in. Here, I'll show you with the first six lines.

It won’t be long, look here comes night!
My ink is dark and my heart is bright,
Can you hear me sing, are you listening?
This child’s dream, it's maddening.
It twist and turns and takes me away,
six miles or three? What does the candle say?

I really love this. I like the sort of innocent sweetness of the full heart and light tread, as well as the nursery rhyme vibe and then how its paired with the darkness of the risks the speaker takes to feel alive and the idea of living in the moment with reality lies just around the corner. Eep! There's so much good stuff in here, keep doing what you're doing. I also really love how it rolls off the tongue. I seriously don't even know how to correct any of this. Can't wait to read some of your other stuff

Hello,

Wow, I loved this poem! Your rhyming was playful yet couldn't be more perfect. I agree with the first reviewer that the lullaby is quite sinister, yet it is intriguing too and I can imagine someone's child trying to figure out the meaning when they are older.
Some of the lines I particularly liked was, 'It won’t be long, look here comes night,' and, 'My ink is dark and my heart is bright.'
I really liked the inferred contrast of blood and ink you put in there, how they both represent different aspects of life. The blood in our hearts is what keeps our bodies going and ink is often used to represent our thoughts, and how we convey them through the written word.
Then, I love how you reinforce this with, 'my blood is dark but my heart is bright.' There is so much hidden meaning here and I love it.
One of the only things that I would say you could do to improve is to go back and look at some of your rhyming. Whilst it is nearly all perfect, the words listening and maddening don't really rhyme, which breaks the wonderful rhyming couplet scheme you have going on there.
Apart from that there is nothing wrong with this poem, it is a very impressive piece and I look forward greatly to viewing more of you work.
Keep writing!
priceofwords

Hi,
one of my favorite genre of poetry, lullaby!

Yeah, this is fine for a lullaby for everyone except baby and toddler because it's so gloomy; kinda scary sometimes (when I'm alone with the darkness of night befallen everything including light and sound); kinda sad sometimes (when I'm listening to a sad song/music.).

I'll go one by one (hopefully I did them right...)

It won’t be long, look here comes night

My ink is dark and my heart is bright

Can you hear me sing, are you listening?

This child’s dream, it's maddening

It twist and turns and takes me away

six miles or three? What does the candle say?