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16+ Language Violence

Hostage - A Creepypasta story

by EmeraldOre


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

I had been running for I don’t even know how long. My legs ached and my lungs burned but I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, I wouldn’t get up again.

After it seemed like I was going to be left to my fate in this forest, I saw it. It was covered by fog, but I saw what looked like a house.

I used the last of my strength and pushed further, shoving open the door and collapsing onto the floor from exhaustion.

I could hear movement around me as I slowly regained consciousness. I was on a metal table with my side bandaged. I opened my eyes and looked around. I saw a man with his back towards me.

I tried to sit up and groaned from the pain in my side.

He turned around and I saw he was wearing a blue mask. His eyes looked hollow and black liquid was dripping from the eye holes in his mask.

He helped me sit up and gave me water.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“Fine.”

“You’re lucky. Any longer without help and you would have bled out.”

I just stayed quiet.

“Can you walk?”

I didn’t answer but I slowly slipped off the table. I winced a little but walked around the room.

“Follow me.”

He walked towards the door. I followed him as he led me down a few corridors, before stopping at a door. He knocked.

“Enter.” The voice was a bit like static and sounded like it was in my head.

He opened the door and pushed me in.

“Ah she’s awake. Wait outside Jack.” The man behind the desk was completely and literally white, he had no face either, and wore a suit.

Jack left and closed the door and I looked at the figure.

“How did you find this place?” He asked.

“I uhm... I was running and I saw a building through the fog and I just went to it. I don’t really remember why I was running or how long.” I answered while looking down.

“Well I can’t just let you leave since you know how to find us.”

Did he say us? Wait I can’t leave?

“You will stay here as a maid.”

“I’m sorry. A maid?” I asked thinking I misheard him.

“Yes. A maid.”

“Wait I don’t-“

He cut me off. “One thing I will let you know is to Never question me.”

I stayed quiet and he called the man back.

“She will be working here as a maid so give her uniform.”

“Yes sir.” He grabbed my arm and dragged me out and down a couple corridors. He opened a door, gave me my clothes, and shoved me inside.

“Hurry up.”

I changed into a white shirt and a black skirt. I was also given knee high socks and some flats so I put those on.

I came out and he nodded before walking away.

“Wait!”

He turned his head to look at me.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re a maid, right? Don’t maids clean?” He answered.

“Yeah...”

He walked away and I looked in the closet he shoved me into for a rag or something. I found one plus a duster and left the closet. I saw a door and opened it, cleaning the room.

The room was pretty simple. A bed, a closet, a dresser, a table, and a chair. I saw a knife in the closet and pulled it out. It was lodged in deep but was easy to take out.

Why was a knife in the closet?

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

I heard a rough deep voice say behind me.

“Oh, I was cleaning.”

He came toward me, shoved me so I turned toward him and grabbed the knife from my hand. “You were cleaning with my knife?”

I saw his face when he turned me around and just stared. His skin was leathery and white, his eyes seemed to be hollow around them since he didn’t have eyelids, and his mouth had a carved smile.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you.” He growled as he grabbed me by my shirt.

“I was cleaning and saw the knife in the closet, so I took it out I didn’t know it was yours.”

“What’s your name?” He asked as he glared at me.

“Parker.”

“Don’t ever. Touch. My knife. Again. Got it?” He growled.

I nodded and he shoved me out the door. Slamming it in my face.

I got up and realized I left my rag in the room. There was no way I was getting it back, so I just went downstairs and started sweeping. There was a boy on the couch playing video games. He looked kind of like Link.

He won a level and clenched his fist. “Yes!”

He noticed me and I kept sweeping.

“Who are you?”

“The maid.” I answered.

“Wanna play?” He held the controller to me and smiled.

“I… I don’t know if I should. I don’t wanna get in trouble.” I tightened my grip on the broom handle.

“Oh, come one. One game?”

I looked up at him and saw his black eyes with red iris’. There was blood dripping from them but despite his appearance he seemed nice.

I thought about it a little and decided. “Ok.”

He smiled and moved over so I could sit next to him.

“What are we playing?” I asked.

“Smash bros. Ultimate.”

I smirked.

He started the game and I picked my character. Zero suit Samus has been my main for 6 years and has never failed me. He picked Link and I chuckled a bit.

He smiled and put the arena on random.

When the game started, we were in the Battlefield stage. I played this stage a lot, so I was pretty confident.

We were playing on 3 stock and when the game started, we both went full gamer mode.

He tried to attack me, so I jumped over him and attacked him from behind. He started rapidly pressing buttons and doing combos.

I met his attacks with my own.

After 20 minutes we were both down to one stock and on edge.

He tried to use a Spin attack on me, so I dodged and used Plasma Whip followed by a side kick and KO’d him.

I jumped up off the couch and raised my fists in the air, still holding the controller. “Yes!”

“Damnit!” The boy yelled.

I giggled and smiled. “good game.”

“You’re the first person to actually beat me in any game.” He said with surprise in his voice. “I’m BEN.”

“Parker.” I sat back down on the couch and smiled. “You know you’re the first person here to be actually nice to me.”

He shrugged. “Everyone here can be really edgy at times. Especially Jeff.”

“Jeff?” I asked confused as to who that was.

“He looks like a Joker reject.”

“Oh him. He got mad at me when I went in his room to clean it.”

BEN chuckled. “Sounds like Jeff.”

We decided to play another round since BEN wanted to beat me. Just as I was about to beat him again a voice behind me made me jump and gave BEN the window, he needed to beat me.

“What!? That’s not fair!” I whined. “I got distracted.”

“That’s why you have to concentrate.” BEN replied, playfully teasing me.

“Hey, did you hear me? Why the fuck aren’t you cleaning?” I heard a familiar rough voice behind me.

“Because-“ I started to reply before BEN cut me off.

“Because I made her play me in Smash. I told her if she didn’t, I’d strangle her with wires.”

Huh? Does he actually do that?

Jeff huffed and went into the kitchen. BEN winked and gently shoved me off the couch. I smiled and went back to sweeping.

Two girls came downstairs and glared at me. They were really pretty, even if one did have a clock as a replacement for her left eye.

The girl with the clock eye came up to me and crossed her arms. “Who the hell are you?” She said with a hint of disgust in her voice.

“I’m Parker. The new maid.”

“Why would Slender let you live here?” The other join came over and asked.

“I honestly don’t know he just said I couldn’t leave.”

They looked at each other than back at me and glared. Just as they were about to add something someone else came downstairs.

“Hey Jane. Hey Clocky. Who’s this?” She asked.

“The new maid.” The girl I’m guessing was ‘Clocky’ replied.

“Oh, hi I’m Sadie.” She said as she smiled.

“Parker.” I replied while still sweeping.

“Look at someone when they’re talking to you.” Clocky snapped as she grabbed the broom.

“Sorry Clocky.”

“That’s Clockwork to you!” She snapped again.

“Sorry…”

“Parker!” A voice yelled from the kitchen.

I walked to the kitchen and saw Jeff who looked pissed.

“Why aren’t you making dinner?” He asked with venom on his tongue.

“Sorry I was sweeping. I’ll do that now.”

He left and I made burgers. I didn’t know how many people were here though so I just made 15 hoping it would be enough.

Everyone ate except for Jack. I didn’t know why he wasn’t eating but after everyone got up I took the plates and washed them.

It was already almost 11:45 and I was pretty tired. I wasn’t given a room, so I laid on the floor in the kitchen and closed my eyes. Later I felt someone kick me awake.

“Get up.”

I opened my eyes and saw Jeff standing over me.

“I said get up!” He growled.

I got off the floor. “yes?”

“Come with me.” He said as he walked away.

I followed him upstairs and down some corridors. He led me into a room that looked familiar. His room.

“You can sleep in the corner.” He pointed to the corner on the right.

I walked over to it and laid on the floor. I fell asleep almost instantly.

In the morning I was shaken awake by Jeff. He told me to get up and go make breakfast, so I headed down to the kitchen.

When I got there, I saw a boy sitting at the counter. I ignored him and went to the fridge looking for eggs or something. I decided to make eggs and waffles.

I cracked some eggs into a big bowl and whisked them for a couple minutes, then I added a pinch of salt and pepper, then I poured some into the pan to cook them. After putting the eggs on the pan, I put some waffles in the toaster.

The boy was watching me, but I didn’t pay him any attention.

I finished making breakfast and I set up the table. The boy put a couple waffles on his plate and went back to the counter.

I slid down the wall and sat with my legs to my chest.

“These w-waffles are good.”

I heard a voice next to me.

I turned my head to see who the voice belonged to.

I turned my head and saw the boy. For the first time I actually looked at him.

He was wearing a striped hoodie with a matching striped mask and wore orange goggles that hid his eyes. Under a hood he had messy brown hair.

“Thanks. I really just put them in a toaster.”

“Still. I’m Toby.”

“Parker.”

Just then everyone started coming downstairs to eat. I immediately got up from the floor and stood with my hands in front of me.

No one payed any attention to me and sat down.

After everyone ate and left the table, I picked up the plates and washed the dishes. Once I was done I overheard Jeff saying how he had to go on a mission.

“Can I come?” I asked, almost running to the door.

“No.” Jeff answered.

“Please let me come I won’t bother you. You won’t even know I’m there.”

He sighed. “Fine but don’t think I won’t kill you.”

I smiled and took out a black mask from my pocket, putting it on.

Jeff didn’t say anything and we both left. I looked over his shoulder and saw the address on the slip of paper he had.

I knew where that was. I knew who lived there.

I looked around and saw a fairly big rock. I carefully and quietly picked it up and hit Jeff on the back of the head. He went down and I took his knife before running where Jeff was supposed to go.

It didn’t take long to get there but I was a bit out of breath so I crouched behind a bush and caught my breath for 10 minutes since I knew someone would hear me breathing if I didn’t.

After catching my breath, I quietly climbed in through a first-floor window. I gripped the knife and crept to the door, looking out to make sure no one was around. Seeing no one, I went upstairs. I quietly opened the door and saw someone sitting at a desk with their back to me. I closed the door and crept up behind them. I grabbed them and threw them onto the floor. He yelped a bit and landed on his back.

“P-parker? I thought you were dead.” He looked up at me with a mixture of shock, fear, and confusion on his face.

I stood over him holding the knife. “No, but you’ll be.” With that I slit his throat and watched him choke on his own blood as he tried to catch his breath.

“Ethan? Are you ok Honey?”

I heard a woman coming up the stairs and stood next to the door so I wouldn’t be seen when it opened.

I didn’t have to wait long before I saw it open.

“Ethan?-“

I quickly moved from my hiding spot, put my hand over her mouth, and held my knife to her throat. “Ethan can’t really talk right now. He’s a little…dead. But don’t worry you can join him.” I slit her throat and pushed her onto the floor.

“I’m home.”

Perfect.

I crept downstairs and crouched behind the kitchen counter.

“Hello?”

I heard footsteps walking around. They went through the kitchen and into the living room.

I quietly left my hiding place and followed.

“Honey? Etha-“

I stabbed him in the side.

The man turned around holding his hand to his side. “W-who the hell-“

I held the knife under his chin. “Ah. I wouldn’t worry about who I am. I’d worry about whether you’re going to leave this house again.”

“What do you want? I’ll give you whatever you want.” He pleaded as he looked down at me.

I chuckled. “what I want?” I stabbed his stomach and twisted the knife. Never once breaking my gaze. “What I want. You can’t give me.”

He dropped onto the floor with a thud and I turned around to see Jeff staring at me looking very pissed.

Shit.

I went for the window and jumped out. I landed wrong and started rolling. I landed on the knife and cut my hand.

I winced but grabbed it and started running.

I suddenly felt myself falling and I hit the ground. The ground was thrown from my hand and landed a few feet away. I tried reaching for it but saw a hand grab it before I could. Then I felt a foot kick me in order to turn me onto my back.

Jeff wrapped his hands around my throat and started to cut off my oxygen supply.

“You little shit! You really thought you could smash my head in with a rock and steal my knife and I wouldn’t do anything?”

I just looked at him and gripped his wrists.

He loosened his grip a bit. “Why did you kill those people?”

I still didn’t say anything.

“Answer me!”

“Because that kid is the reason I was in the forest in the first place! Him and his stupid friends!”

Jeff let go of my neck and I coughed trying to catch my breath.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He threatened as he got up.

I got up too and started walking back toward the mansion. Jeff grabbed my arm and I stopped, he walked in front of me and let go off my arm.

We got back to the mansion and I grabbed Jeff’s wrist. “Uh Jeff?”

“What?” He said as he jerked his arm out of my grip.

“How are we going to explain why I’m covered in blood and you’re not?”

He scratched his head. “Oh. Right.” He looked around as he tried to think of what to do.

I looked around and saw a deer.

Not exactly what I had in mind, but we didn’t have many options.

I quickly climbed a tree and crawled to the branch of the tree next to it until I was almost on top of the deer. I put on my mask and quietly jumped down from the branch, landing behind the deer. It heard me and tried to run but I pounced onto it’s back and brought it down. It struggled to get away, but I held on. I grabbed its head and snapped its neck and the deer stopped moving. I stood up and Jeff came up behind me.

“So, what’s the deer for?” He asked as he put his hands in his jean pockets.

“Isn’t it obvious? You can use it’s blood to make it look like nothing happened.”

“That’s… not a bad idea.” He said and glared at me.

I crossed my arms and smirked as he took out his knife and stabbed the deer.

It didn’t take long for him to become covered in blood and we went inside the mansion when he was done.

Of course, when we came in BEN was in front of the TV playing a video game. Someone I hadn’t seen before was sitting on a chair next to the couch watching him.

Me and Jeff walked into the room and the boy I didn’t know looked at us. I stopped in my tracks and my eyes widened.

Jeff looked at me confused.

I looked down and quickly walked away and upstairs.

I went into Jeff’s room and quickly closed the door. I sat on the bed and hugged my knees.

Jeff opened the door and slammed it behind him. “What the hell are you doing on my bed?”

“Sitting on it.” I answered without looking at him.

He growled and pounced on me, pushing me off the bed and pinning me to the floor.

“Hey! What the hell Jeff?!”

“Why did you just leave when you saw LJ?” He asked, ignoring my question.

“Because!..” I sighed “I-I hate clowns.”

He laughed a bit. “You’re afraid of clowns?”

“I didn’t say that!” I shoved him off me and he laughed more.

“You’re afraid of LJ.”

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have run away.”

“I didn’t run away idiot! I walked.” I crossed my arms and looked away from him.

“Yeah sure ok.”

“Alright that’s it!” I pounced on him and pinned him to the floor.

He grabbed me and put me on my back pinning me to the floor. “Nice try.”

“Not as nice as this.” I lifted my leg and hit his crotch with my knee. Hard.

He groaned and fell on his side. I laughed as he laid on the floor in pain.

“Not funny.” He growled.

“No, you’re right. It’s not funny. It’s hilarious.” I said as I laughed more.

He caught me off guard and pinned me to the floor again.

“Yo Jeff, EJ’s looking for y-“ BEN opened Jeff’s door and looked at us. “Uh am I interrupting something?”

I felt my face go red and I kicked Jeff off me. I got up and walked out the door. “You still owe me a rematch.” I told BEN as I passed him.

I found a mop in the closet and started to mop the upstairs hallways.

Seriously? Me and Jeff? As if. He’s the most aggravating person I know.

I was still mopping and ranting in my head when a little girl came from around a corner. She had a pink dress that was dirty and ripped, long messy brown hair, beautiful bright green eyes, and was clutching a teddy bear against her chest.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“Parker. I’m the maid.”

“I’m Sally. Wanna play with me.” She asked as she looked up at with her big green eyes.

“I’d love to but I’m not sure Slender would approve I’m supposed to be cleaning.” I said as I squatted down to be face to face with her.

“Please? We can play hide and seek! You can clean while we play!” She said as her face lit up with excitement.

How was I supposed to say no to her?

“Well… alright.”

“Yay! I’ll go hide.” She said as she ran away.

I continued mopping as I walked down the corridor in the direction she ran. She was a fairly small girl and knew this house much better than I did so she had an advantage. I opened doors and cleaned the rooms as I looked for her. I’d opened about 10 doors by now and still hadn’t found her.

“Where is she?” I wondered aloud.

I heard a giggle echo through the halls and followed it down a dark hallway. There were a few doors and I opened all of them. When I got to the last one it creaked a bit as I opened it. I cringed a bit and opened it fully. The room was dark. I felt around for a light switch, my hand pressed against something. Thinking it was the light switch I flipped it and the room illuminated itself.

I looked around.

The room looked like any other. It had a bed, dresser, table, a chair, and a window. There were other things of course I just didn’t pay them any attention. I looked around and saw an odd place on the wall. It looked like the wall was pulled out. I went over to it and tried to pull at it. I opened and I realized it was a secret door.

I heard giggling from the small square tunnel.

I went in and crawled through. It wasn’t long, just long enough that you couldn’t see the end. I reached the end and jumped out into a small room.

I looked around and saw a small figure in the corner. She was covering her mouth with her hands trying not to giggle and had her eyes closed.

I smiled and picked her up.

“gotcha!” I said.

She giggled and hugged me.

“let’s go I have to go make dinner.” I said as I put her down.

“Ok!” She crawled into the tunnel and I followed her.


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94 Reviews


Points: 12832
Reviews: 94

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Wed Jan 13, 2021 12:48 am
SilverNight wrote a review...



Hey! I thought that since this has been in here a while, I'd try a new kind of story and get it out of the Green Room. Rather than doing an overall review, I'll try to point out a few places you might want to work on!

I had been running for I don’t even know how long. My legs ached and my lungs burned but I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, I wouldn’t get up again.


That's a rather suspenseful beginning there, which seems to match the story vibe you're trying to get at.

“You’re lucky. Any longer without help and you would have bled out.”


I feel like he would probably be asking her how she got hurt at this moment.

“Ah she’s awake. Wait outside Jack.” The man behind the desk was completely and literally white, he had no face either, and wore a suit.


I'd change just a few things about punctuation here. Try taking a look at how I would suggest fixing it!

“Ah, she’s awake. Wait outside, Jack.” The man behind the desk was completely and literally white. He had no face either, and wore a suit.

“Wait I don’t-“

He cut me off. “One thing I will let you know is to Never question me.”

I stayed quiet and he called the man back.


I'd like to see some inner thoughts from her here, or at least an emotional reaction. After all, that's nothing to be shrugged off.

He started the game and I picked my character. Zero suit Samus has been my main for 6 years and has never failed me. He picked Link and I chuckled a bit.

He smiled and put the arena on random.

When the game started, we were in the Battlefield stage. I played this stage a lot, so I was pretty confident.

We were playing on 3 stock and when the game started, we both went full gamer mode.

He tried to attack me, so I jumped over him and attacked him from behind. He started rapidly pressing buttons and doing combos.

I met his attacks with my own.

After 20 minutes we were both down to one stock and on edge.

He tried to use a Spin attack on me, so I dodged and used Plasma Whip followed by a side kick and KO’d him.


I think this part would look better if you combined them into a couple larger paragraphs, since they're all related.

“Hey Jane. Hey Clocky. Who’s this?” She asked.

“The new maid.” The girl I’m guessing was ‘Clocky’ replied.

“Oh, hi I’m Sadie.” She said as she smiled.

“Parker.” I replied while still sweeping.

“Look at someone when they’re talking to you.” Clocky snapped as she grabbed the broom.

“Sorry Clocky.”

“That’s Clockwork to you!” She snapped again.

“Sorry…”


This part feels a little contradictory to me, in more than one way. She went from smiling to snapping in the blink of an eye, which leads to confusion about her character and personality. Also, the mix of names and nicknames is a bit perplexing.

I looked around and saw a fairly big rock. I carefully and quietly picked it up and hit Jeff on the back of the head. He went down and I took his knife before running where Jeff was supposed to go.


After catching my breath, I quietly climbed in through a first-floor window. I gripped the knife and crept to the door, looking out to make sure no one was around. Seeing no one, I went upstairs. I quietly opened the door and saw someone sitting at a desk with their back to me. I closed the door and crept up behind them. I grabbed them and threw them onto the floor. He yelped a bit and landed on his back.

“P-parker? I thought you were dead.” He looked up at me with a mixture of shock, fear, and confusion on his face.

I stood over him holding the knife. “No, but you’ll be.” With that I slit his throat and watched him choke on his own blood as he tried to catch his breath.


I quickly moved from my hiding spot, put my hand over her mouth, and held my knife to her throat. “Ethan can’t really talk right now. He’s a little…dead. But don’t worry you can join him.” I slit her throat and pushed her onto the floor.


I stabbed him in the side.

The man turned around holding his hand to his side. “W-who the hell-“

I held the knife under his chin. “Ah. I wouldn’t worry about who I am. I’d worry about whether you’re going to leave this house again.”

“What do you want? I’ll give you whatever you want.” He pleaded as he looked down at me.

I chuckled. “what I want?” I stabbed his stomach and twisted the knife. Never once breaking my gaze. “What I want. You can’t give me.”


This all felt rather overwhelming. It came as a bit of a shock that she could overpower so many people, since she never seemed like someone who was willing to kill earlier. I'd suggest hinting at that.

I quickly climbed a tree and crawled to the branch of the tree next to it until I was almost on top of the deer. I put on my mask and quietly jumped down from the branch, landing behind the deer. It heard me and tried to run but I pounced onto it’s back and brought it down. It struggled to get away, but I held on. I grabbed its head and snapped its neck and the deer stopped moving. I stood up and Jeff came up behind me.


This isn't the way people hunt or kill deer, so I'd suggest thinking of another way to do it.

“let’s go I have to go make dinner.” I said as I put her down.

“Ok!” She crawled into the tunnel and I followed her.


I feel like the story could have ended earlier, when Parker got back, since the following part is less important. In order to make the story feel more complete, I think there needs to be more detail to the plot, because there isn't much reasoning behind everything that's happened. I think you could make this much better if you put just a bit more effort into that part! Keep writing.




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Sat Dec 12, 2020 8:28 pm
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luminescence wrote a review...



'Ello, first review in a while.

Ah, been a while since I've read one of these. You captured their personalities; Jeff is still the Jeff everyone hates loves, Ben likes video games because he was originally written so badly by whoever created him of his origin, and Sally is an overused character and basically every scary girl in horror movies adorably scary little girl.

Not at all a mock on your part. Just on the people who created them. In my opinion, creepypastas fuel Mary-sue writing. This isn't bad, the main isn't a clueless teen girl, so good job on that.

I also try to stay away from creepypastas. They romanticize killers and already have caused so many deaths that could've been avoidable. The Slenderman Stabbing is one example, and I have more. Stay in whatever fandom you want to be in, but to me, supporting something like this is meh.

Now, onto the actual review of this.

Dialogue isn't capitalized. It's the beginning of a sentence, so using grammar rules as a guide, it shouldn't be capital. Another thing, this is totally personal preference and many people could disagree, but i believe that "Ok" is actually only correctly spelled when it is either "okay" or "OK." OK stands for 'oll korrect,' which is, yes, a misspelling of "all correct."

And the

“Don’t ever. Touch. My knife. Again. Got it?” He growled.
was... in character, but very childish. (Also side note, maybe not best to write it like that. You could move all the periods and then add "he stressed the words to make his point clear" or something. Or italicize the words for the effect.)

She had a pink dress that was dirty and ripped, long messy brown hair, beautiful bright green eyes, and was clutching a teddy bear against her chest.


That's a bit of an info dump. Writing that into the story would make it smoother. If they're playing, maybe you can add something about her eyes or dress. And then move on later and talk about her hair. I highly recommend character sheeting first.

One last thing, I found myself struggling to follow along. I lost my spot more than five times when reading through. It might be because of my eyes though, so no need to worry.

Good job!

- Lum.





Oh yeah. Blame it on the assistants Jack.
— David Letterman