Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
As the nukes came rushing down towards earth, Electronics everywhere were acting as if an EMP just set off. The nukes came closer, shining red, about to hit the surface. The air raid alarm went off but then got shut down. No one knew what was coming. The rockets hit the ground, exploding one after another, leaving craters and spreading radiation. Glass on buildings shatter as the explosion expands. Tree's falling over all over, crushing houses and cars. It was just like a sandstorm.
Are you ready for the apocalypse?
WASTELANDS
Coming soon...
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
In all honesty, this caught my attention. Not very much at first, but as I read the rest of it (several times might I add) It really did catch my attention. This is something I would love to read some day!
I'm not going to say anything about the trees, as the other three already have, but I will say that you portrayed an amazing vivid image. A tragic, beautiful image.
"Are you ready for the apocalypse?" This right here is what really caught my attention, because as a reader, this single line is telling me that we are going to be in the book, as if we are right along side the main character(s), which is my absolute most favorite part about reading.
I'm not sure if this was intended or not, but Wastelands, nukes, it's a little like Fallout? I'm not sure if you've played the games or not, where as I've only played one of them, but part of Fallout (A game based on post-apocalyptic living after a nuclear holocaust) is centered around the open area, called the Wastelands. Just something I noticed, it could possibly cause issues in the future with copyright stuff? I'm not too sure, I haven't read into it, just a heads up.
All in all, I loved it, it's a great introduction, and you did an amazing job! Message me if you upload anything? I'd kill to read some of it.
Hi @EmeraldLinks
Nice and decent looking portray of something viably interesting to come ahead. I assume you are a very yyoung writer and have something interesting to share. But it is definitely not so violent for 16+. May be some more violent bloodshed or destruction will be visible in your upcoming chapters. Overall looks like an emerging Apocalypse.
But as readers I think we are ready for everything.
Carry on, keep writing mate.
All the very best.
Ok, I did make the mistake with the 16 there, but the actual story that's gonna be out is going to be REALLY violent, thanks for pointing that out.
Alright, I am interested in reading more. It seems in this little sneak peek you have put the reader in the action right off the bat, and it has a quick pace. I'd suggest that you give a bit more description to give the readers a chance to breathe.
Keep up the good work.
"Tree's falling over all over"
Perhaps, to keep from being repetitive, change "falling over all over" to "falling over everywhere" instead?
That's all I can find to nitpick.
All in all, I'm hooked. I liked the concept, and so would like to read it! Could you let me know when you come out with a chapter?
Hello, Cheetah here to review!
Wow. You've certainly started out in the middle of the action! It's an unique approach, well done on that. I get the feeling this is a sneak peek to get others interested in your book. Onto the review!
The first thing I noticed here was how fast everything happened. There's a lot going on here, and I think it would be a good idea to give us some breathing room. If you wanted, you could put some suspense in this, but everything happens too quick to fit any in. Take some more time for description. Who are the people? Where exactly on earth did they hit? Little details like that can help us get a better picture of what's going on.
This fragment feels a bit awkward because of the double use of the word 'over'. Maybe instead you could say ''Trees falling over everywhere,' so there's more variety.
It's hard to review something like this, but I liked the concept. If you'd like, let me know when you've come out with a chapter and I'll be happy to review it for you!
Great job and keep writing!