Lost
I’ve been lost before,
Lost and not found,
Like a piece of sea glass taken by the tide,
I was taken by the pain,
Swept away by the burn inside my heart,
By the emptiness within,
Gone with everything and the wind,
I’ve been lost before,
Lost and not found,
I’ve been lost before,
Lost in a world of locked doors and love,
I’ve loved and lost in the past,
But never again will I lose,
Never again will I hurt,
Deep inside my chest,
Sore and aching for something to be there,
For something to fill the hole,
I’ve been lost before,
Lost in a world of locked doors and love,
I’ve been lost before,
Lost and never to be sought for,
I’ve never been pursued,
Never asked for,
Never needed,
I am the pursuer,
The asker, the needer,
Always and not at all,
I’ve been lost before.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Definitely you get a 10/10 for content. Some witty ideas in here about the different aspects of being 'lost.'
But I did feel somewhat overwhelmed by the vague, overloaded words you used:
pain, burn, heart, emptiness, hurt, pursued to name a few.
These words clutter your work and prevent you from being subtle, which after all is the true indicator of powerful poetry. They're also words that have so many different meanings for everyone and therefore to use them means you're carrying a lot of baggage. I'd like to see you use more details. Where have you been lost? What did it taste like when you loved someone and then lost them? Was it bitter?
Your rhythm at the end of the poem is really good and I like the contradiction. But how you got to that point needs to be fixed.
What I liked about this poem was that you explored more then just one meaning of the word lost I also rely like the first stanza it grabbed my attention right off the bat and kept it til the end of the second stanza, but the third one
I’ve been lost before,
Lost and never to be sought for,
I’ve never been pursued,
Never asked for,
Never needed,
I am the pursuer,
The asker, the needer,
Always and not at all,
I’ve been lost before.
I don't think this fits into your poem it doesn't hold the same depth that dragged me into it and seemed very weak and just out of place. I do believe if you took it out and worked on it as a seperate poem it would be much better.