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12+ Language Violence

My Brother's Bully's Brother Is Hot

by EmbraceTheSass

The rattle the thin metal made as Dean shoved his brother’s assailant into a row of lockers sounded like screams against the silent hallway. His left fist clutched the front of the stocky, blonde boy’s shirt, a leer that could kill directed straight at him.

Every single kid in the hallway stood shell shocked at the scene before them, many of them clutching their textbooks and backpacks to their chests as if they would become the next victim. They had forgotten the lanky boy that lay in the middle of the ring formed around the altercation, his eye already tinting purple as he watched his brother defend him mercilessly. Sam covered his injured eye with his free hand, supporting himself in a sitting position with the other as he watched.

“You ever so much as look at my brother again, and I swear to god you’ll never see the light of day again. Understood?” The menacing words rung out past Dean’s lips no louder than a whisper, but he knew that every student spectating had heard it. Gabriel swallowed hard, the lump running down his throat obtrusive. He nodded rapidly, his back rigid in fear of another harsh blow from the larger boy. Dean clenched his jaw as his fingers wound together into another fist, prepare to give the bully the exact mark he had placed on his brother. His arm swinging back-

“What the hell are you doing!” A new voice growled out, several students being shoved aside as the person stormed into the circle. Dean released the collar of Gabriel’s shirt, letting him fall to the floor with fear still radiating from his eyes. An angry huff pushed itself from Dean’s chest as he turned around, already prepared to bruise another person that dared to interfere with his punishments.

The intruder’s face was stern, irritation and bewilderment obvious in his voice as he glared daggers at his own brothers attacker. Fury should have shot through Dean like a rocket at the statement, but instead his breath caught in his throat as he finally looked over the nuisance.

Dark shaggy hair almost sheltered the stunning turquoise of his eyes, his jaw tense from anger that only intensified his features. But something softer resided behind the defensive nature of the boy, that made Dean’s heart swoon against the wrath he was supposed to feel.

“Are you deaf?! What the hell are you doing to my brother!?” He shouted again, the students surrounding them jumping slightly at the tone. With a few struggled notes, Dean growled out in opposition to the cheery bubbles in his stomach, “Your brother was beating the shit out of mine!”

Cas twisted his wrists to stop the instinctive urge to knock something straight in his brother’s assaulter, but he knew that he was right. Gabe always went around, picking on the younger kids, sometimes going as far to physically harm them. He stayed silent and with an exaggerated sigh, Castiel pushed past Dean and Sam and dragged his brother up on his feet, mumbling harsh words towards Gabriel. With a rough tug, they started maneuvering their way out of the ring and out into the abandoned halls, leaving students blankly staring in shock and Dean’s heart beating impossibly fast. But it defiantly wasn’t anger fueling the rhythm in the older Winchester’s chest….

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285 Reviews

Points: 237
Reviews: 285

Thu Nov 26, 2015 4:37 pm
GreenTulip wrote a review...

Hello, my name is Tulip and I am here to give your fanfiction a review on this wonder Thanksgiving day!

I happen to run across this in the Green Room, and when I saw that it had something to do with Supernatural I was naturally inclined to come read it.

I loved how you properly portrayed the characters. Dean was just as protective as he should have been. It was well written and I didn't find any faults in it, except for what the person underneath me said.

The descriptions are wonderful! Not too overly done, but not under developed to where the reader has to grasp what you are trying to say.

I liked how you made Cas, the elder brother between Gabriel and him. I think that it is a nice change from how Cas is usually the one pushed around and roughed up.

But I liked it, and I'm going to leave it at this.

Good luck in future writings!

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802 Reviews

Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Sun Oct 25, 2015 1:57 am
Dracula wrote a review...

Oh wait. This is a Supernatural fanfiction, isn't it? Well I know nothing about it and don't care to learn, but I'll still give this a go. :)

The rattle the thin metal made as Dean shoved his brother’s assailant into a row of lockers sounded like screams against the silent hallway.
Your descriptions are vivid, but the sentences are a little too long. Try to combine phrases to shorten them. I edited the above sentence as an example: The rattle Dean made, shoving his brother’s assailant into a row of lockers, sounded like screams against the silent hallway.

Fury should have shot through Dean like a rocket at the statement,
Watch the way you word sentences, this one doesn't make sense. I know what you mean, but it seems like you're saying that the rocket is at a place called 'the statement'. An example is: 'An angry clown at the circus' means that an angry clown is standing at the circus. 'A clown angry at the circus' means that the circus has done something to anger the clown.

Because this is a short, there could have been a problem with familiarity. But in your story, there was not. Even though I've never watched Supernatural in my life, I was able to pick up on what was happening in the scene, and the characters' emotions were clear as day. Overall I'd say you did a great job. Just fix up those two things I mentioned and you're good to go. :D

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
— Emily Dickinson