Chapter one: move.
Boxes were everywhere. In shelves, on beds and desks. I was depressed to move. Especially on my sixteenth birthday. Oh well. At least I got my sketches. I hate books, but my parents are both writers. They don't get it. Even after six years of the same, annoying kid going through absolute hell to kill just one dude. Why in gods name would anyone want to read monotony? I myself don't like it. Day in day out, the same boring crap. ' oh no, theres a psycho killer, let's run and cast spells and see if he dies!' I hate it. I want a real adventure, something not do self sacrificing to your mind. I swear it's why ninety percent of every kids book I see is on the best seller shelf, and one hundred percent why I hate reading. Why the heck should WE have to read, much less watch it?
I stand up slowly from the table, and grab my satchel. Its a hot sunny day in this boring as a morgue town of Winthrop Falls, but I get my beanie anyway. I don't like wearing short sleeve shirts, or shorts. I wear jeans, any long sleeve shirt that's clean, and a beanie. I don't brush my hair, I just let it hang wherever it falls, usually over my right eye. I dyed it white this year. I don't ever want to wear glasses, so contacts have to do. Good thing I can use them.
"Aspen, let's go." I walk to the door, turn around, and take a deep breath. This house, with the creaky third step, and the warm as an oven upstairs landing, was my home. I grew up here. I can't imagine leaving. Yet, here I am, with my carry on bag, and my drawing kit, leaving forever the only place I knew. The only place i loved. I get in the car and it pulls away, leaving my normal life behind in the dust.
An hour into the drive, and I'm half asleep, listening to Casting Crowns, a christian rock band Ive come acquainted to. I'm a Christian in my faith and I love being one. God is truly King. He will be the Omega. No joke, he is the Alpha Omega. Serious stuff, but I'm glad I follow Him.
I turn up the volume and tune out the radio, the annoying songs that they think we love but are really.
Chapter two: Alastair.
Trees are everywhere. In the roads due to bad storms, on sidewalks. You'd think a tornado from hell hit this town. This boring, one horse town was a desolate hellhole, and I was imprisoned in the biggest cell. A Tudor mansion on a scraggly-treed hill, high above the town hall.
"Aspen, wake up, we're here." mom says after another ten minutes of driving. I answer smartly,
"where's the mansion? I don't see anything." we round a corner and my jaw hits the carpeted car floor: we are pulling up to the biggest house I'd ever seen, and I was feeling quite minuscule at the moment. Talk about home sweet home.
" uhhhhh...." was all I could say. Dad pulls the car to a stop, and i open the door. My feet crunch gravel as i walk to two big black oak doors with a giant silver and gold lion shaped knocker. I open the door, and my breath escapes me: I feel like I'm Annie after walking into Mr. Warbuck's mansion. Everything was ginormous, and an impossibly intricate copper chandelier hung low from a huge, cavernous ceiling. The marble staircase was immaculately carved, as if by Leonardo Da Vinci. In short, it was breathtaking.
" mom are we secretly billionaires or something? This can not be our house." mom ruffles my hair as she shoves a bag into my arms. My new art kit for my room. I walk up to the marble stairs, the soles of my sneakers squeaking embarrassingly loud.
The thing is, I am a very self conscious person. I hate when people whisper behind my back, since It happens all the freaking time. I get pranks by bullies, hit, ridiculed, beat up, and basically pure hell from all my peers. The reason is all because of me. They HATE me. I'm the nerdy art fag to them, and the fact that I wear tight jeans doesn't help. Whatever.
I walk up to the door of my room and feel the wood, glossy and smooth. Laminate wood. Amazing. I open the door slowly, and find that it doesn't creak. "perfect." my jaw has dropped so much, I'm afraid I may dislocate it. I walk into my room and yelp: a tall black panther is lying on my bed. He opens his mouth and says: Welcome home, Aspen Hall.
Chapter three
"AAAH! What are you doing here?" I cried as i walked Into a room with a panther. Yes, a rabid, evil, possibly ferocious panther was on my bed. Plus, it talked to me. In perfect English. God, I must be crazy. On top of my late, ridiculously rich great-aunt Elda giving us a earth sized mansion. What the bleep, right?
I stand still, daring not to make sudden movements. The panther eyes me, its yellow slits boring a hole into my soul. Gosh I hate my poetic mind sometimes. The panther yawns and quips,
"for sake of being corny, take a picture, you'll last longer." he then laughs, a sound I never thought would erupt so easily from a deadly, bloodthirsty creature. He apparently could read thoughts as he then said flatly,
"Oh come off it I'm vegetarian. I only eat animals that aren't human. I'm Alastair. My Owner knew your family well, so she put this mansion in her will. Amongst other-how should I say this-supernatural, items as well. Look at the bookshelf on the far left, and fetch the title:
The book of magic, volume one. That should help right now, I think." Staring at Alastair, I realize that he is a friend;
If not sarcastic. I relax slowly, and walk over to the books, aware that he is still staring.
" I could let you know I hate staring, but the fact that I'm talking to an animal that should have killed me by now, that doesn't make me any less nervous. I found the book so what now?" Alastair leapt from the bed and landed in front of me, and I yelped, leaping back Into the wall.
"now, you read it, practice it, and check back with me in a week. I must be off. See you later." Alastair walks over to the doorway, and knocks the door open. He then runs out, and I Stand, my mouth agape.
"wow, that's weird." I say as I sit down on my bed cross legged. I pick up an Emerald pen and a legal pad of paper and start noting down things I see here and there in the book Alastair made me get: Spells, enchantments, all sorts of bad stuff. I didn't feel right when I read them, so I knew what to do.
I kneeled on the floor facing my bed, and close my hands in prayer: "Dear Lord, please forgive me for reading of the occult. I do not desire to seek answers other than Your own. Please guide me to a biblical verse and tell me your Word. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
"aspen. Thank you for praying to Me. This really helps us." Alastair was silently perched as a black cat, and he was smiling. I wondered why he would give me a book of Occultism. Then it dawned on me: Alastair was a host for God. He had tested me and I had passed.
"What do I call you, then? If you're God, wouldn't I call you as such?" Alastair looked into my eyes, the gentle slits searching omnipotently within me.
" Call me Alastair, I will know what you mean. Aspen, I have a reward for you. For staying faithful to Me, I grant you one ability: fire, earth, water, or wind. You may take as long as you like to choose. I await your answer on Friday the next. Good day. I love you."
"Thank you, Alastair. I love you too. Sleep well." Alastair walked in a circle, and sat down on Aspen's bed, and fell asleep. I sat beside him, and started ripping the notes of the book up. I then ran them through a shredder in Mom's office and went back outside. I had things to do.
I have to say, I do have to agree with david on the wierd part. At the least, kinda boring. The begining was all eh for me. There was no hook to the sotry at all.
"I swear it's why ninety percent of every kids book I see is on the best seller shelf, and one hundred percent why I hate reading."
That needs some re-editing. I didn't make any sense to me at all. I had to re read it three times to even get what it was actually trying to say. So make it flow more.
Also, is this a short story? Because the chapters are way short if its not. If so, then make them longer. Try to introduce the character even more if you can to the readers.
Also again with the agreement of david, the story did go downhill when it started to get religious. Infact, I really lost total intrest in the story. Now I'm not here to make you feel bad, just here to help. Hey, sometimes bad reviews can help, because it did for me.
~Polkadotph
Uuum, i must say in honesty that was weird and really weird. Personally the panther WAS the best part, till he turned out to be "God". the story actually kept me reading until all of the religious stuff came in and really i think that that was where the story went downhill. Honestly i don't like the use of God in a fantasy like story as to an extent it almost makes him sound like a myth or fantasy. But if you changed it, i mean i don't see a reason why the panther can't be magical creature or something and the story was pretty good.