I don’t know
How it started
Which smile or laugh
Or serious face.
It’s like falling
Down the stairs
You don’t know
Which step you tripped on
All you know
Is you’re face down
On the tile floor.
All you know
Is you’re trying not to cry
Because it will upset your mother
You’re hugging your pillow
So at least that's something
That’s not shaking
Like you are.
You trace the trail
The tears leave
Gently winding down your cheek
Like a dirt road in the country
All the memories swirling
Like the dust.
Where the dust came from
You don’t know
Why it’s there
You don’t know either
There’s no reason to cry
Except maybe for all the dreams
You save up like pennies
Hoping someday
They’ll be worth something.
You cry just to cry
And maybe that’s the point
There is no reason you’re crying
You’re crying because you exist,
Because you feel
And isn’t that enough of a reason?
You’ll quote your tears
To prove you feel
A sign for the universe
That it makes sense
That something is right.
Something is right
Because your breath
Feels like it’s going through the blender
Whirring and swirling
And become something else
As you try to slow it down.
But your weight isn’t enough
To stop this merry-go round
You stumble around
Drunk on the salt in your tears
Drunk on E chords
G chords
And perfume commercials
Hacking up all the little facts
That have taken up root
In your mind
Trying to fit them in a box
When they’re sprawling
Over your bed.
Trying to-
Trying to try
Toss and turn
And let out whatever it is
But the truth is
There’s no getting rid
Of the creature within
It’s part of you.
Now this is relatable. Thank you, Em16. Your poem has such an amazing flow; I am not much of a native speaker, and reading something like that makes me realize that this is what I hope to achieve. I left a comment on my wall recently on the creature within and all; I called it a monster in my case. 
I felt like singing it, you know, like rapping it even. And also it made me feel warmer, more secure, you know. For when something speaks for your soul, this is what you feel, I guess, warmth.
Gem climbing out of her Jewelrybox for a short review here!
I love this beautiful poem. You did a great job.
The middle pf the poem and the first bit are a little less connected then they could be. The whole time I felt like I missed some connecting point but the rest made sense together, it just feels like you accidentally skipped a sentence.
All and all I really loved your poem though. I love your dramatic tone in the poem your authors vocalization because it need to be dramatic it is dramatic it has feeling. It is this persons life. I love that, that is feeling we can relate too.
Though you could do with a slightly different stanza approach, this one doesn't give this poem the affect I think it deserves.
Have a great day and continue writing.
With that Gem climbs back into here Jewelrybox until next time.
Good evening, parachutes here. Hope all is well for you, and I’d like t start this review off by saying HOLY SMOKES great work! Your voice and tone in this piece ties in really well with the them, your schematics are on point, and you use great visual/audial aids to draw in the reader. I am impressed by this piece immensely! The only thing i wold suggest would be to separate the poem into 3 or 4 “parts” to add dramatics and clarity. It jumps around a lot rn, so i feel it’ll make it “”flow” better.
Have a great day, and i cant wait to read more.
First off, I want to say this was a beautiful poem. You honestly, really did a great job.
If I have to be critical, I kinda got lost in the middle, the topic was kind've hard to follow. I felt like there were chances for short burst of wordplay y'know(if that makes any sense)
Poems and any writing can be any length you want, its just I thought it was more condensed than it was.
In all honesty and not just saying it to say it. I thought the poem was really good.
If you get the chance can you check out some of the work I have and give your honest opinion. I just posted my first poem and i have the first few chapters of a novel I wrote.
👍
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