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E - Everyone

Part of You

by Em16


I don’t know

How it started

Which smile or laugh

Or serious face.

It’s like falling

Down the stairs

You don’t know

Which step you tripped on

All you know

Is you’re face down

On the tile floor.

All you know

Is you’re trying not to cry

Because it will upset your mother

You’re hugging your pillow

So at least that's something

That’s not shaking

Like you are.

You trace the trail

The tears leave

Gently winding down your cheek

Like a dirt road in the country

All the memories swirling

Like the dust.

Where the dust came from

You don’t know

Why it’s there

You don’t know either

There’s no reason to cry

Except maybe for all the dreams

You save up like pennies

Hoping someday

They’ll be worth something.

You cry just to cry

And maybe that’s the point

There is no reason you’re crying

You’re crying because you exist,

Because you feel

And isn’t that enough of a reason?

You’ll quote your tears

To prove you feel

A sign for the universe

That it makes sense

That something is right.

Something is right

Because your breath

Feels like it’s going through the blender

Whirring and swirling

And become something else

As you try to slow it down.

But your weight isn’t enough

To stop this merry-go round

You stumble around

Drunk on the salt in your tears

Drunk on E chords

G chords

And perfume commercials

Hacking up all the little facts

That have taken up root

In your mind

Trying to fit them in a box

When they’re sprawling

Over your bed.

Trying to-

Trying to try

Toss and turn

And let out whatever it is

But the truth is

There’s no getting rid

Of the creature within

It’s part of you.


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29 Reviews


Points: 7
Reviews: 29

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Fri Nov 01, 2019 4:49 pm
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MiniGem26 wrote a review...



Gem climbing out of her Jewelrybox for a short review here!

I love this beautiful poem. You did a great job.

The middle pf the poem and the first bit are a little less connected then they could be. The whole time I felt like I missed some connecting point but the rest made sense together, it just feels like you accidentally skipped a sentence.
All and all I really loved your poem though. I love your dramatic tone in the poem your authors vocalization because it need to be dramatic it is dramatic it has feeling. It is this persons life. I love that, that is feeling we can relate too.

Though you could do with a slightly different stanza approach, this one doesn't give this poem the affect I think it deserves.

Have a great day and continue writing.

With that Gem climbs back into here Jewelrybox until next time.




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5 Reviews


Points: 293
Reviews: 5

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Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:25 pm
parachutes wrote a review...



Good evening, parachutes here. Hope all is well for you, and I’d like t start this review off by saying HOLY SMOKES great work! Your voice and tone in this piece ties in really well with the them, your schematics are on point, and you use great visual/audial aids to draw in the reader. I am impressed by this piece immensely! The only thing i wold suggest would be to separate the poem into 3 or 4 “parts” to add dramatics and clarity. It jumps around a lot rn, so i feel it’ll make it “”flow” better.

Have a great day, and i cant wait to read more.




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Points: 253
Reviews: 16

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Wed Oct 30, 2019 7:54 pm
Lionhero333 wrote a review...



First off, I want to say this was a beautiful poem. You honestly, really did a great job.

If I have to be critical, I kinda got lost in the middle, the topic was kind've hard to follow. I felt like there were chances for short burst of wordplay y'know(if that makes any sense)

Poems and any writing can be any length you want, its just I thought it was more condensed than it was.

In all honesty and not just saying it to say it. I thought the poem was really good.

If you get the chance can you check out some of the work I have and give your honest opinion. I just posted my first poem and i have the first few chapters of a novel I wrote.

👍





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