Young Writers Society

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek here for another review on some bombastically expressive poetry on some totally valid and important points that needed to be addressed! I'm also here to earn some quick points for Review Day and to make your writing better as a whole. Now that we have expressed my motives and what I'm going to do here as a whole, why don't we get into yours? I'm sure there's a lot to cover, so let's get right into it!

One thing that I noticed about this is how the first line is separated from the next line, which seems odd to me, and I'm not sure if it's an error or a choice. Either way, it's pretty interesting, and I wonder what all of it could mean... It definitely seems like you are in a relationship with someone who does not want to be in the relationship, and you are being urged by someone who cares about both of your to let them go for both of your sakes. This is made clear by the line within the poem, the title, and the description. The freedom you must give to your partner is the same freedom you will have after you let them go.

I am have no grammatical or nit-picky things to say about your poem. It was just a good poem in general, and I think it is very inspiring. Hope to see you again soon!

-ZeldaIsShiek

OMG I adore this little poem and yes! everything happens for a reason, sometimes for a good and sometimes for a bad one But what we think, that really matters, only sometimes it compaires that, with what we ''feel''...I mean when we listen to our thoughts, that can really make us confused. When our Hearts speak, we listen what we truly feel, but if we than listen to our head, well...that is sometimes bad. We must listen more to our Heart Sadness is also stupid, it makes you NOT happy and sometimes sadness takes over. If that happens you have really a bad day o_O that is NOT good, do not drive yourself into madness, but try to look at the little things in Life that makes you happy True friends are awesome, that makes us happy, really but sometimes true friendship can also hurts a lot especially in distance you know? and I loveeee the last line '' I can feel the degree the pain when with thee '' I can relate to that one Sometimes I don't understand where my pain comes from? and then I must cry If we don't understand things in Life, that is the hardest part...but believe me if you can Listen to your'e heart than it will be easier, day by day....

This was a review from Bree! I like your poem and I'm happy I have found this one

You are a good writer, keep on going...

Love: Bree

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! So, lets get started!

Reading through this poem, I like it, as I do most other poems. Poems, to me are always one of the best ways to convey emotion. This one though, will speak to many. Others will be able to relate. The title was a good choice as well. In the beginning sentence, after "Everything happens for a reason", try putting the word so. It would then flow better because I, when reading through your poem, noticed that the flow wasn't the best. After "Don't you feel that their happy", put a comma as well as after "just as easy". There are a few more places like this so finding those would be a good idea. So now I am going to give it a shot and see if I can't figure out what this poems meaning is, no?
I am thinking that this poem is talking about a person who's looking at someone they like, knowing they are happy but wanting to be with them. It hurts the person but they want the one they love to be happy. Then again, they know that something isn't right in the others relationship. They know that they don't feel free. That they aren't truly happy. They are asking someone to understand why the feel the way they do and why they know the pain they know.
Anyways, keep up the good work!

OK so I like the concept but I think it has a lot of errors. A few flow and grammar issues, also I think in some parts you add too many words and that's part of the reason the flow is off. Ok now here are my comments...


"Everything happens for a reason let them be" Add a , after reason.

"Don't you feel that their happy can't you see? But come on you gotta let yourself be free" ( I feel like because of how these two lines are worded it messes with the flow. Maybe reword them?) Also Put a , after happy and maybe take out "but"

"No matter what I think I just can't agree" Add a , after think also maybe take out "just"

Maybe take out "I'm not crazy" I think the flow would be better if you did.

"She's not comfortable with him just trust me" Add a , after him. Also take out "Just"

"If you are truly her friend ask her what she feels" Add a , after friend

"You'll know what I can see " Maybe take out "I can" or change it too " You'll see what I see".... "You'll know what I can see , Why I feel uneasy , I can feel the degree the pain when with thee" I think the flow and wording is kind of odd in this section and should be reworded tbh.


You still did a good job don't get me wrong everyone has to start somewhere. Also I really wish this was longer. I want to know more about the situation. It sounds like a friend that can see another friends pain and they are trying to explain that but no one else can see it yet. Maybe she picked the wrong guy and is in a situation she can't leave? I don't know. But I definitely want to know more. Who is she talking to? Does the friend know that she's not comfortable or is she trying to make them see that? Anyways good luck I hope to see more from you bye for now.

Welcome to Young Writers Society!

Overall a pretty good poem, but there are a few issues that I'm going to talk about...

First of all - grammar and punctuation

'Why I feel uneasy' The word 'why' doesn't need a capital letter, but I'm guessing you added that in after a minor spelling error

'their happy' This should be they're (as in they are)

Being as you have gone down the rhyming route on this one, the word 'feels' doesn't rhyme with anything in the second stanza.

Get rid of the 'come on' in the first stanza, this is very casual wording and doesn't really work and probably used it as a filler for the flow.

Also get rid of 'just as' in the first stanza, this then works with my previous correction.

You also have a tendency to not use commas, which you need to change straight away!
Commas are very important in poetry as they change the overall flow of the poem, as well as altering how fast you say the verses.

And that should do it...

Other than those issues I hope you continue to write on here and keep getting better with the feedback given.

If you have any questions/queries about my review or anything else in general, please don't hesitate to contact me

GMills
PenmanshipPriorities

I really liked your poem, really deep.

Hey there, ElykAris (cool name), it's Leafpool coming at you with a review.
I'm gonna tackle some grammar and punctuation first.
"Everything happens for a reason let them be" There should probably be a comma in between "reason" and "let". "Don't" shouldn't be capitalized considering it's not the beginning of another sentence. "their" should be "they're" (I always get messed up with those two words, don't feel bad, English is just a messed up language). I liked the rythym of the first line (this poem is making my bad day just a little bit better). In the second paragraph I don't see anymore mistakes and it goes along with the first paragraph perfectly.
That's all, Leafpool is out.

Hello ElykAris! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

This review courtesy of