Disclaimer: This work has been edited and changed because the previous work was a joke. Please enjoy this instead.
of the deep violent end
to wreck all of earth
Hey, yo, CaptainSaltWater! Strange here on this wonderful review day and I have a review for you!I was halfway through this review the day it was posted until I scrapped it and started anew. I saw you wrote this after a failed joke work, which I'm not very fond of that (I'll go into it later). This is basically a self loathing poem, which I do know quite a bit about, and I felt you didn't do the genre justice."me; noun" is a title that just goes with the recent theme of poetry on here. If you look at JKHatt's haiku "Thoughts; pronoun", you can tell he's taking a dig at this. But, wouldn't "me" be something different such as a pronoun? Maybe you could put "Adam" or one of those names you go buy to have a catchier title.The first line got on my nerves because it is too much self loathing. You call yourself a monstrosity, which is too much. Tip for the future: if you want to have a self loathing heme, don't call yourself crap. Do it subtly. I'm sorry for citing my own poem, but such as "Dead girls." or "Roll over; die." The narrator is hinting at them being crap, but doesn't say "HEY I SUCK HUEHUE". It doesn't roll that way.This doesn't follow traditional haiku ways, too. Usually you put two ideas next to each other, but this one you just flowed through. Is it really a haiku? Plus, the wording of the first two lines could be much better. It seems that you are saying that the human race is the violent end to wreck all of earth.Keep writing, and stay groovy!
Hi there Captain! Niteowl here to leave a quick review on this lovely haiku! First off, I'm pretty sure "me" is a pronoun, and I don't really understand this dictionary-inspired naming trend. But I think leaving it as "noun" kind of works, since the whole poem makes "me" seem like something big and significant, like a true noun. Now on to the poem: I really like it overall. It evokes how the narrator feels about himself, how he thinks (however rightly or wrongly) he is destined to ruin the earth. Very emotional for seventeen syllables. My main quibble is with the second line. I like "deep violent end". It makes me think of some big sloshing pool of rage and destruction and there's this big old monster climbing out of it. However, I think "of the" is a little weak and doesn't flow well. The simplest replacement would be "from the deep violent end", but that raises the question: "from the end of what?". What pops into my head is something like "from Hell's deep violent end". It makes it feel like this thing came from somewhere, like it has a mission. It doesn't have to be Hell--you could play with the wording, but I like the idea of this creature coming from somewhere. Final grammar note--it looks like you chose not to capitalize as a stylistic choice, which is fine. However, since "earth" and "Earth" have different meanings, I would capitalize it. Overall, this is a solid haiku, though it could be fine-tuned. Keep writing!
The last line made me laugh . Also, I've seen that many people are doing haikus like this. They're really interesting. Huh.
The word "me" is not a verb. >.> Why does your haiku have a similar title as mine?
Haiku's are everywhere <3. (I'm kind of obsessed with them, just ask about anyone from my Freshman year). I'll review this as much as one can review a haiku.I first checked syllables. Do you pronounce violent as two syllables or three? Because, around my parts we pronounce it as two but I know that varies in different locations and what not. Either than that, the syllables are within the guidelines! As well as spelling, which is good. c;Okay, second part of the review. The only thing I think dampens the flow (and only a little bit, and maybe because repetition and I are enemies at times) is that there are two 'a' words. Definitely doesn't have to be changed (because I don't know if 'the monstrosity' would make sense instead of 'a monstrosity'), but I thought I'd mention that.But alas, my short review is over! I hope maybe I helped? Keep writing poetry! Sincerely,SecreteJournalistAKABrie
what is tihs
Awful. This isn't what this site is about. If you just want Likes, go on Facebook, though I assume from your behaviour you don't have any friends there.
If you don't like it, then don't say anything at all.
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