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Poema de Lluvia

by EloquentDragon

My contribution for NaPoMo...anyway.
NOTE: This is a SPANISH poem!!! So please don't comment on the english part! That has simply been provided for ease of readin' for all youse gringos.

Si pudiera tocar la lluvia,
Al caer en forma de una canción
Podría aprender a ver
Las luces azules bailando

If I could touch the rain,
Falling as a song
I could learn to see
The dancing blue lights

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374 Reviews

Points: 1747
Reviews: 374

Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:41 pm
tgirly wrote a review...

I thought my two years of high school Spanish could get me through the Spanish part.
Yeah, it didn't. I knew about thirteen words, if you count and, the, and a. But the meaning of the poem is still quite beautiful; it's pretty short, but it still has beautiful imagery to it. REALLY beautiful imagery.
I don't quite understand how touching something could help you learn to see something, but maybe that's because I'm as deep as a pond sometimes. Besides that, there's really not much to critique, besides the length. I do love short poems, but I feel like this one needs a bit more; it doesn't feel fully complete. That might just be me in my pond-level deepness though.
Sorry if this review wasn't really helpful. Really beautiful poem though; keep writing.
From the Flaming Keys,
Happy Review Day,

Oh, heh. I re-read that just now and realize that well, this isn't actually all that great. I should expand it though, I really should... you should read my "Mi sol" poem instead, I felt that it was better.


User avatar
58 Reviews

Points: 4801
Reviews: 58

Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:54 am
reason wrote a review...

It's beautiful to the ear, but that's it. There's not much going on in the poem. There's little no action, it's a snippet: a beautiful snippet, but nothing more than that. Trust me, I love it when I see my mother tongue posted: however, there's not much going on here.

The poem could definitely use some more elaboration. I know there's a story in here, somewhere. I may even use it as inspiration to write something -it's just that gorgeous: however, I wish you wrote more.

Porque me tienes aqui pidiendo para mas, ah?

I look forwards to seeing more, sorry I couldn't say much. I'm already out of my comfort zone by commenting on poetry, but when I saw it was in Spanish and those few lines really did touch me. I knew I had to say something! It's a shame no one else has before me. Honest. I hope to see this again.

Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus