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139,197 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Ellie! Just Raven popping in for a review, hope you don't mind ^^
To start, wow! This was a lovely poem! I feel like it's calling up questions too many people face in their lives; the questions that come up when something terrible has happened, and whether you're the victim or the observer, you can't help but question the state of the world because of it. I also felt it called upon a sense of mortality with references to the cycle of life and death, and added a sense of dread in a way. Especially in how that cycle punishes the happy. Ah—and the personal touch with references to your inner-child in the later lines...it's very beautiful and really leaves you thinking.
As far as a technical review goes, well, I have nothing to recommend! I did notice a tiny typo where I think you meant to say "too weak" (missing an "o" in "too"), but that was just one tiny thing. This piece is amazing as-is <3
As for favorite lines and what stood out to me as I read, hm...I would have to start with:
This line really spoke to me and got me thinking. Because some would think perpetual childhood is a gift, others a curse, but objectively speaking, what would the ramifications be? For the "seed" itself and those around it? And indeed, how would the world treat it?
Loved the touch of nostalgia here. I think we've all felt this sort of way at least once in our adult lives...
The imagery invoked here, so powerful in such a gruesome way! And calling upon those existential questions in the beginning, it becomes that much more sobering to read, in a way I can't even explain (at least coherently).
Overall, I thought that was a poem that, while dark in some ways, was equally beautiful and reflective in its own right. Like a piece of Gothic art! Nicely done, friend! <3
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Hi Ellie! This poem caught my eye and I figured I would drop a quick review, Ellie!
This is a REALLY interesting poem with many layers. The more I look into it the more my head starts to spin, honestly. The speaker in the poem seems to be quite pessimistic, to the point that they believe “happy” people shouldn’t exist. The reasoning behind this seems to be that now that they have found their reason for being, they become a waste of space. It’s a really interesting bit of quick pseudo-philopsiphy that interests me!
This line here was partly what made me form my previous perspective on the poem. Those who are happy and fulfilled in life are selfishly selfish and unnaturally natural. To be human is to struggle, so to see someone who is not is highly unnatural. Almost to the point that they are walking to their own doom.
From this line on, everything seems to change perspective. I like this. We get the first half where the speaker explains their perspective, and a second half that explains why they view things the way they do.
It’s interesting how it seems to become more introspective, like they have lost a sense of identity. It leaves this feeling that there is something missing, something incomplete.
And hey! That’s beautiful in a weird way. Thanks for sharing this one with us!
This was helpful, thank you!
This is a brilliant piece, Ellie. Literally every single word resonated with me; it's like I'm exploring my own thoughts from someone else's perspective and realizing how surreal and terrifying it is to listen to.
And I agree. As scary or messed up as it sounds, I think the same philosophy can apply to morals too. I guess that's where existentialism presents itself as an alternative from a bleak perspective on reality, but if you ask me, it's just a coping philosophy. But I guess that's just another take on a warped perception of reality.
Thanks for giving me a chance to ramble. I feel like thought-provoking is such a lame buzzword to compliment someone's poetry. For me personally, there aren't very many poems I've read that were "thought-provoking" but this is definitely one of those. Keep up the good work
Thank you
This comment means a lot to me!