Joann never thought she would love a deaf man, in fact, she never thought she would find love at all. Being blind came with its limitations. Who would love someone like me, she often thought. The shift from her teenage life into adulthood was not an easy one. Moving out of her overprotective mothers home, into the real world, well, that was a lot. Getting used to society without the constant nagging of parental supervision felt lonely and terrifying. But Joann was ready to live. And she was ready to love.
She had been born blind, back in ‘72, right around the time her father's food teleportation business got really popular. The ability to rapidly teleport edible and nutritionally sustaining food to planet settlements was one of the biggest technological breakthroughs of the decade. She was an only child, who always had a close bond with her parents. Their small family enjoyed their time in the spotlight, for a short time, before one too many failed inventions cast them into the shadows. They were no longer the front page of news projections. Joann tried not to blame herself for her father's downfall of fame, but she still felt guilty. OpticLens™ was supposed to be a cure for it all. All of the darkness, all of the limitations, and all of the pain that Joann endured because of her condition. It was supposed to give her sight.
When Joann was 7, she became the testing subject for her fathers greatest invention. The OpticLens was inserted into her brain. The chip was roughly the size of the tip of Joann’s thumb. Daddy, I didnt feel anything at all! The insertion was painless and quick. Her father, Dieter, excitedly activated the chip, through some control settings on his projection screen. Of course, there was no way to actually make her eyes work, but OpticLens would connect to Joann's brain and allow her to mentally see through the lens of a camera, which was secured to her head like a headlight.
It never worked. No matter what Dieter did, it would not work. He reviewed his calculations and codes hundreds of times. “What the Hell am I doing wrong!” he screamed, at a frightened Joann, one night. She felt tears run down her soft skin. That was the beginning of the end of her fathers career. The man who couldn't save his own daughter's sight. He could teleport food across the galaxy, but he could not make a blind child see. Defeated, Dieter retired early and the family lived the rest of Joann’s childhood as a regular family, away from the media.
“Maybe ignorance is bliss, honey. The world is scary.”
Joann grew up, blind to the world. But her heart could see more than eyes ever could.
Oh my god. I just joined this writing platform and I just want to say: What an amazing novel to start on!
I love how the protagonist is disabled and in love with the idea that she wants to LIVE. Could that be a metaphor? It seems like one, and what a good one it is!
Also, love the title. Super ominous and horror-y. Definitely my kinda read.
I'll be following this book for sure!
Forever grateful,
BitterEntertainment
Hello! I haven't done a review in a while, so I hope this gets rid of my writer's block.
Firstly, I can say that this was a wonderful read, jumping right into the life of Joann. The opening line was interesting as well, capturing the reader's(my) attention right off the bat. Why did she think she'd never love a deaf man? Why did she think she'd never be loved at all? Those were questioned I asked myself as I read the first two lines.
Secondly, I love how Joann's father tried his best to get her daughter to see. Him yelling at his daughter shows that no one is perfect, and even though Joann was blind, it did not mean that no one else was not flawed. After all, the father was only trying to help.
Thirdly, I love the emotional sentences of this story, like 'Who would love someone like me' and 'But her heart could see more than eyes ever could. ' To me, I feel like these sentences really stuck out to me.
However, I'm not sure if this was intentional, but the part where Joann says Daddy, I didn't feel anything at all, should have had quotation marks.
Overall, I'd say it was a lovely read
Heyo this is SkyJayde! I'm here to leave a review!
First off, I love the title of this segment it's very interesting and immediately hooks the reader into a world of curiosity. So good job on that!
Secondly, I found it quite interesting how much work Joann's father would put into helping her see the world. It gave vibes of a father who would do anything for his child or family. I'm quite sure that Joann must've loved her father very much and at least appreciated the work that he put into helping her see despite it failing attempt after attempt.
Thirdly, when it mentions that Joann was in pain it made me wonder; what kind of pain? Was it emotional? Physical? It really makes the reader think of those who are blind and how they feel since they can't see the world before them.
I do enjoy the very last line ("But her heart could see more than eyes ever could"), however, because it gives the reader a sense of hope that maybe Joann isn't as limited by her blindness as she thinks she is. I think that there is hope for Joann as she is now out alone in the big world but I'm sure that she'll find her way.
Overall, this segment of your story is quite interesting. It gives enough context for the reader to understand and the writing flows easily together. There's no mistakes in grammar or anything. Good job! I can't wait to read more! Keep up the great work!
☁SkyJayde☁
The story is emotionally rich and effectively portrays Joann’s personal growth and resilience. The combination of futuristic technology with a heartfelt narrative is engaging, and Joann’s transition from a sheltered life to one filled with love and independence is compelling.
The pacing could be smoother, and the explanation of the OpticLens could be clearer. More depth on secondary characters would be a plus.
Keep writing....
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