Published January 17, 2010
Don’t tell me to
Get off my laptop yet
I’m learning poker on next doors
Internet connection
Because you couldn’t be assed
Enough to get your own freaking license
In sweats and your tee shirt
Four of a kind
Was always second best
Kinda like you
So don’t tell me to
So don’t tell me to
Ice cream and tea
Glad you understand
The procedure that follows
Let me trash your guitar
I hated when you played it, anyway.
And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us
Throw out your Reliant
You hated that colour anyway
You suck at lying
Stick your cigarette out
On the dashboard
Like you always wanted
But never did
Have your own opinion, kid.
I don’t drink Jack Daniels
Like I said I did
And those voices
In your head
Aren’t there for everybody
And you never understood them, anyway.
And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us
I changed my face book status
That’s the language you use?
I pretended for you
But don’t you change for me
I’ll have a piss up with my bottle of WKD
Because you wouldn’t
Know what that is, anyway.
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,647 Literary Works • 672,642 Reviews
Hi
Really bad one too.
X
TU for the reviews..etc.
Just to clear a few things up:
Courier New is a gaming site incl. poker
Ice cream and Tea is what I eat after breakups
WKD is vodka. Google it.
Well done, Izzy. Robin Reliant is a car
And overall, he's pretending. And that kinda sucks.
Hey ella, nice song you've got here. I'm sure you've worked out some chords to this, I'd love to here it on the guitar sometime.
I did like this, especially the chorus and although the veruses where a little too indirect for my taste I liked the general theme of them. To me they seemed a little randomn, like all the things she's tired off, or the little memories of him and them together. I don't know, it was too vague for me to get a whole picture.
Okay, two lines that don't seem to relate to eachother at all. No idea what courier new means....Just try to get some relation to eachother, or explain how they're related later on in the verse, in a sublte way of course.
I get this, in a way. The last too lines are sort of saying she has a limit right? like...a limit to what she can take. You've got a lot of explaining about this to do when I get back to school.
I liked this, even tho again I don't fully understand it. It seemed to me like an argument almost. "The procedure that follows", her trashing his guitar cause she's mad.
Love it, so so much. Your whole song comes together in the chorus. Its like she's saying she's not good enough for him, so she's creating all these arguments to try to break them up, even tho she doesn't want to leave him. That's what I got anyway :]
This seemed like she was telling him to live a bit? I liked it. Took me a while to remember that Reliant was a car though..
I think I get the facebook thing. She's tried telling him its over but the only means of communication he seems to understand is througha computer. Love the rest of it, especially the WKD, I laughed a bit when someone asked what that was.
[/quote]
I liked the way this ended. It didn't disapiont me then again I'll have to hear you sing this to properly judge it
Overall:
A lot of the verses I didn't fully understand but I don't think this is the kind of song you need to fully understand. The choruses are key in bringing this together, otherwise you would lose the listener pretty quickly. I would make some things a little clearer, the first few lines are something to change as they really didn't make any sense. Anyway, I'll tell you more when I actually hear it.
Love you ella,
Izzy
Hi, Ella!
Keep writing!
There were many details in this song that I liked. The overall impression left me a bit unfulfilled, though – I felt like there were several things that weren't explained or were just otherwise random. In songs that might work better, though, but I still like having that certain feeling of consistency when I'm listening to music.
This was still original and I liked it that you had your own way of looking at the older-than-time subject. You could've, however, either cut down on the details a little or then just make them connect more, so the song won't seem like a bunch of loose threads.
I would also be interested in what genre this song would belong to.
Demeter
x
The second line confused me. What does that have to do with anything?
I would just spell out the 'bad word' and then just rate the song accordingly.
There's a limit to what?
These two things don't really go together for me. Your talking about ice cream and tea and then you want to trash someones guitar.
Glad you understand?
What procedure that follows?
I like the chorus.
I liked thins line.
Just to clarify, she changed her face book status to single and it's like 'understand what I meant by that', like she broke up with him?
Again, just spell out the word and rate the entire song accordingly.
What's a Bottle of WKD?
Rhyme/Rhythm:
I'm not super big on getting all rhymey-rhymey and following a set rhyme scheme, because songs don't have to rhyme. So, yeah. You didn't to rhymey-rhymey for me.
I thought the rhythm was pretty good. There were some times it kind of lost it for me, but all in all it wasn't too bad. I couldn't hear the song in my head, but if you can and it sounds awesome, then that's what matters.
Topic/Overall:
I liked the topic and that it was presented in kind of a new way. There were some parts I wasn't so clear on and I think I mentioned most of those.
Overall, I think it's a good start.
-Carly