Freedom Cry

This is just a quick comment. I think this is a great piece, lots of emotion in it and all. You juts need to add capitals for each line!

Dear ElizabethHuntley,

I find this poem to be hard to have an opinion on in my mind; the mere thought is very confounding to me. On one hand I do think it is a very nice display of ones passion of their freedom and the men and women who fight for that said right. However on the other hand I have a few nagging problems with this poem, the main one being the message. This message that you deliver is both to obvious and over played, I cannot state how many times people have made the same poem that states how unbelievably awesome freedom and America are, and at this point many readers such as myself are tired of it. Pulse in entirely different debate we are now starting to see that this American dystopian, hypocrisy government does not support freedom of anything due to the attempted passing of such egregious bills such as SOPA and PIPA, but this is another debate entirely. Now this comment is more of my personal opinion not much of a legitimate critique, your work is too obvious in its message and I believe to be a truly great poem the message must be a mystery for the reader to figure out with his or her own mind. Over all this work is alright, but nothing spectacular.

Sincerely,
The A

Pix here! I'm going to review your poem today.
BOLD is my editing.

More than bloodied scars,
More than the wounds and mars.

Better than a joyful song,
Better than the happy throng.

Is the freedom cry.<Add period here

Louder than the plea for help,
Louder then the cry itself.

Passion fiercer than the shots,
Passion greater than the thoughts.

Is the freedom cry.

Something that my heart inflates,
Something that my soul translates.

Something that my mind holds dear
Something more important than the years

This is the freedom cry.

Buried deep within my soul,
Long forgotten,
Even though they're told,
Now I taste the stories,
They're re-awoke,
And my song comes forth,
I know not of its first birth,
But from dry lips so young,
Springs the joyous song,

The freedom cry unites.

As the flag is raised,
It begins to wave,
Liberty and peace rein,
Forever it's proclaimed,

GOD BLESS the American brave.
-----
Alright so I saw you didn't capitalize the start of each stanza or line and I think that's suppost to be there. Also, there is suppost to be Comma's at the end of each line, unless you are stopping for a break or to make a point, then you would insert a period. I added the comma's up there, didn't put them in bold because I could just explain it down here.

At the end where you put- "GOD BLESS the American brave" I was just wondering why you capitalized American but NOT brave. I think you should've put- "GOD BLESS the American Brave" To get the point across if you know what I mean.

I like how you were freely writing this, it resembles liberty and freedom of speech, how the USA is important. Very good. That's a quality of a good writer.

It's very detailed and out-spoken, I like that. You made it unique and I like it how inbetween stanzas you put one line telling people about freedom. Awesome.

Alright so I think that's all. Overall, this was very good. Keep writing!

~Katie

I liked the words that you use they have a poetic theme and a philosophic meaning. I m not sure what you want to emphasise with the freedom cry. So I suppose you mean something joyful and do you refer to the war? Because that's what I precieve especially if those lines are combined:
"more than bloodied scars
more than the wounds and mars"
"this the freedom cry"
"GOD BLESS the American brave"
Also I understand the way you wanted to emphasise in the last line but I don't think it is needed to put it in caps.
I think you just had to make it more significant some parts of it didn't make sence.
For example
"something more important than the years"
I didn't get that really
Nonetheless it was a beautiful poem I m not really skilled in poetry so I admire people who can write poems. Nicely put it has a deeper national and religious meaning that can appear to be a good thing for people who share the same beliefs or have experienced something similar.
I really liked it keep writing!