The lighthouse that imprinted itself onto the Isle of Man was shining as usual for the ships to see. The sky had darkened significantly as the time slowly returned to the cold the cold hours of the night.
Karl, the self proclaimed “keeper of the light” watched the stormy seas below as he sat in his brightly lit cabin on an old and dusty chair with red cushions. It was just like the other days which had come and gone, yet, as he scanned the coast his eyes became affixed on an shadowed object which lay on the port. Reaching for his binoculars he knocked over his last glass of ale.
“Arr…” He mumbled before trailing off. As he tried to zoom in he was unable to see any details than previously. Then grabbing his keys, he lay his binoculars back down on his desk and walked down the lighthouse’s spiral staircase, avoiding the thirteenth stair.
As he left the lighthouse he became increasingly aware of the size and scale of the object on the wooden port, as it could have easily been fifteen feet high.
“Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…” he whispered to himself as approached the port’s deck, “…Tis I be here, in sunshine or in shadow.” His moustache became increasingly itchy as he approached, “…And I shall hear how softly you tread above me…” he continued as he noticed the object showing signs of breathing, “…I’ll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.”
There he stood, against the immensely large beached creature. He stared into it’s large navy blue eyes as he walked backwards as if recoiling like a child afraid of what he had just discovered. There in front of him was something which resembled a giant sperm whale with the exception that it’s head was almost eel-like and that it had fins. Huge wings that were illuminated purple by the lighthouse’s rotating beam.
“Aye,” said Karl, “let daddy help you.” And with that he charged the massive beast and shuffling around it’s torso before finally running up close with his fit hands outstretched.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this one was a pretty crazy little story that you have going on in here. Its got some pretty crazy things going on in what at first appears to be just a nice little landscape with this lonely light house keeper. I really love the little twist at the end too...it leaves us wondering as to what actually just went down in the story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
That's a neat little establishing shot to start things off with. Pretty neat opening there with the setting being immediately established pretty well. Nice opening there for sure with the weather being used pretty well.
Well that does sound like a pretty cool little title to have. Definitely something that I would have called myself if I ever got a job like that. And again some really nice descriptions to set the setting.
Really love the subtle way that you let us know that this guy is a bit superstitious.
Okay that is an interesting thing to see. I think I'm imagining that maybe he is singing all of this 'cause it doesn't sound too much like just something that you would say.
Well that's a really cool design for a monster that you have there. Definitely very interesting.
Well that was quite a twist there at the end. He did completely the opposite of what I expected him to. Really interesting place to end it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall you have done a really nice job with this story. The descriptions were on point and despite how short it is it did not feel like the pacing was being rushed at any point. Overall this is a really cool idea and a pretty well written story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Woah mega sorry.. must've gotten the wrong window open.
here:
That is an interesting piece. I laugh at the man who thinks he can move a huge whale with his hands. He's drunk right? Ah funny.
You say the word 'the' so many times it subtracts from the effectiveness of the story. And you say 'as' a lot too. Why not just put a full stop and approach the sentences differently? just a thought.
It's got potential so keep going.
And very sorry about before >_<