Hey Elinor! I'll be dropping by today for a review!
Although they scarcely had enough to get by, she was an only child, and was loved fiercely by her family.
This makes it sound like she's an only child because her family is poor, which is understandable as children as obviously expensive, but it sounds funny to read to me? I think it would sound better without stating she was an only child in this part, and putting it somewhere else, because I'm taking it to mean 'even though they're poor, they still love her fiercely' or something similar. The only child just feels like an addition, or a fact (I suppose you could put it between dashes?)
As the pauper became a girl, her dark hair was often unkempt, but her smile was always wide. The lady's blonde curls were always immaculately coiffed, but her lips were always tight.
This would sound better if, instead of a girl, you described her as getting older. Otherwise it sounds like she wasn't a girl before, which I don't think was the intent, because girl isn't age specific the way 'woman' would be (as an example).
Also, I think there could be more separation between these two sentences? It's not necessary, it might just sound nicer, since it's a sort of 'meanwhile' kind of thing (if that makes any sense).
She noticed Grace’s turquoise dress. “Your dress is very beautiful.”
This sentence feels kind of stiff and sudden. It's telling too. Perhaps something more along the lines of Audrey inspecting Grace's dress, and describing the dress in a little more detail, and then Audrey commenting on it?
Grace reflected on her own loneliness. She was cast often in plays, and that kept her busy. Yet the public didn’t consider her a serious actress the way they did with Audrey.
Personal preference maybe, but I feel like this could have been rearranged a little? As in, 'She was cast often in plays'... comes first, and then talk about how the public didn't consider her as serious an actress as Audrey, and how she was often lonely? This is completely up to your own stylistic choices though
He wasn’t the most handsome. But there was something about him.
The period makes this a little clunky, rather than letting it flow together. Otherwise, I would change 'but' to 'though'. (Although I think it still would sound nicer replacing the period with a comma).
soon they had a family of her own.
their*
-Critics aside, this was such a beautiful memoir. You said this was about Grace Kelly, right? And Audrey is Audrey Hepburn? Unless I'm wrong, haha. But regardless, this was very lovely. I actually had to read it twice to review because I got sucked in the first time <3
-I love the contrast you have between the two, and how it starts to blend in the middle. My only suggestion would be to have a little more towards Audrey's 'perspective' (so to speak), since you seem to focus on Grace a little more, even though sounds like it's meant to be for both.
I hope this review was helpful to you I really enjoyed this! It's not something I would normally read, or like, but it was written well and you have a nice style.
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Points: 14090
Reviews: 351
Donate