z

Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Homecoming - Act III

by Elinor


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

INT.
HALLWAY - DAY
The
end of the school day. Rosalie walks toward the exit, her eyes stoic,
past crowds of people. She lingers at classroom where the school
paper held meets.
She
notices Mark, and they exchange a second of eye contact. He walks
into the classroom without regarding her.
She
exits.
INT.
ROSALIE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Rosalie
sits at her desk, staring at a blank sheet of paper in her
typewriter. She starts to cry. As soon as she manages to hold back
tears, more come. She cannot focus.
ALISON
(o.S.)
Rosalie?
Rosalie
curses under her breath. Furiously, she begins to wipe her tears.
ROSALIE
Come
in. 
Alison
enters, with a look of concern on her face.
ALISON
What's
wrong?
ROSALIE
Nothing.
ALISON
You
were crying. 
ROSALIE
I
wasn't.
ALISON
Your
eyes are all red. And I heard you.
Alison
sits down on the bed, next to her daughter.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Honey,
you know you can tell me anything, right?
ROSALIE
I
said nothing's wrong. Can you please leave me alone? I'm trying to do
homework.
She
raises her eyebrows and leans inward.
ALISON
It's
alright, honey.
ROSALIE
I
have a lot of work to do.
ALISON
Tell
me.
Rosalie
sighs.
ROSALIE
I
don't want to talk about it. Besides, I don't know how you could help
me. It's not like you've ever been there for me in the past anyway.
ALISON
What
are you talking about?
Rosalie
squirms with impatience. She turns around to face her mother, her
body tense. Tears have crept into her eyes again.
ROSALIE
Mom,
I don't want to talk about it. 
ALISON
I'm
not leaving until you tell me what's wrong.
Rosalie
sighs.
ROSALIE
I'm
sad. 
ALISON
Why's
that?
ROSALIE
Nobody
likes me at school. Sean left us. People who I thought were my
friends turn out to be the same as everyone else. You're never there
for me. I was kicked out of the paper because my articles aren't good
enough. I can barely have a normal life because everyone's off going
to dances or the movies or... what's so wrong with me that everyone
runs away from?
ALISON
When
have I ever not been there for you?
ROSALIE
Try
every day of my life since Dad's been gone. You think... you think
you're the only one who can feel any pain.
Alison
smacks Rosalie.
ALISON
Don't
you ever speak to me that way again.
Rosalie
cannot hold her tears back any longer. She begins to leave.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Where
are you going?
ROSALIE
For
a walk.
ALISON
It's
freezing outside.
Rosalie
sighs, slips on her coat, and slams the door. 
INT.
DINER - NIGHT 
Rosalie
orders a HOT CHOCOLATE. Taking it, she sits down at a booth. She
takes a sip of the hot chocolate, and her eyes linger toward the
counter.
She
looks out the window. She notices a light SNOW beginning to fall. The
sky is pitch black. The streets are silent.
She
turns around, noticing a young couple enter the diner, arm in arm.
They kiss. Rosalie starts to turn away but does a double take,
noticing the girl is LAURA and that her COMPANION is not Sean.
Rosalie
and Laura lock eyes. Laura whispers something to her companion, and
walks toward Rosalie. 
LAURA
What
are you doing here?
ROSALIE
I
could ask you the same thing. 
LAURA
I
can explain.
ROSALIE
I'm
listening.
LAURA
Things
have been complicated recently. I'm sure you know.
Rosalie
takes a deep breath.
ROSALIE
How
long?
LAURA
What?
ROSALIE
How
long has this been going on? How long have you been lying to my
brother?
LAURA
Never
mind that. Rosalie, you have to understand that things haven't been
great. It's been hard. Your brother, he makes promises he can't keep.
He can be controlling. 
ROSALIE
My
brother. He loves you more than anyone.
LAURA
And
I still care for him, b-
ROSALIE
Then
why are you being unfaithful to him?
LAURA
Things
haven't been the way they used to be. 
ROSALIE
Then
why don't you divorce him?
LAURA
I
can't.
ROSALIE
Why
not?
LAURA
I
don't expect you to understand.
Laura's
face twists tightly. Rosalie stares back at her blankly.
ROSALIE
And
why wouldn't I?
Rosalie
sighs.
ROSALIE
(CONT'D)
It's
wrong.
LAURA
You
can't tell him. Please. 
ROSALIE
Why
shouldn't I? 
LAURA
Please.
Don't.
Rosalie
sighs.
LAURA
(CONT'D)
Rosalie,
look... 
ROSALIE
What?
LAURA
Nevermind.
Just please, don't say anything. 
ROSALIE
And
let you continue doing this? And lying to him?
LAURA
No.
I'm going to end it tonight. You're right... I'm going to fix things
with Sean. 
ROSALIE
Why
should I believe you?
LAURA
Just
trust me.
Rosalie
stares back at her.
ROSALIE
Okay.
INT.
ROSALIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The
next day, Rosalie sits at her desk, trying to write. She sighs,
gathering all of her courage to dial the phone.
ROSALIE
Hi,
Sean.
SEAN
(O.S.)
What's
going on?
ROSALIE
We
need to talk. Can you meet at the diner?
SEAN
(O.S.)
When?
ROSALIE
Twenty
minutes?
SEAN
(O.S.)
What's
going on?
ROSALIE
I
don't want to say over the phone.
SEAN
(O.S.)
What?!
Rosalie
bites her lip.
ALISON
(O.S.)
Dinner!
ROSALIE
Uh,
Sean, let's talk later. I have to go.
SEAN
(O.S.)
Um.
Do you want to come by the apartment in an hour? I just have some
paperwork to and Laura has painting class again.
ROSALIE
Uh.
Sure.
INT.
APARTMENT - NIGHT
Rosalie
sits down on the sofa, and Sean sits next her. She breathes heavily.
ROSALIE
Where
are all these paintings Laura's been working on at class?
SeAN
Oh,
the college keeps them. Uses them as examples for their other
classes, I guess.
ROSALIE
That's
strange.
SEAN
I
don't know. 
Sean
looks at his sister. 
ROSALIE
So,
what did you want to tell me?
Rosalie
sighs.
ROSALIE
(CONT'D)
It
can wait.
SEAN
Oh...okay.
ROSALIE
Sean.
I'm... sorry for the way I treated you at the lake.
SEAN
That
was... how many months ago? It's okay, Ro. I'm sorry too.
ROSALIE
Do
you have much going on tonight?
SEAN
Just
the paperwork, like I said.
ROSALIE
Why
don't we go to the movies?
SEAN
I
don't know... I have a lot to do.
ROSALIE
Please,
Sean.
SEAN
Alright.
I suppose I could.
ROSALIE
It
feels like it's been a lifetime since we've really spoke.
SEAN
Mhm.
It's alright with Mom?
ROSALIE
Yeah.
SEAN
You
want to leave now? 
ROSALIE
Sure.

SEAN
Let
me just grab my coat, and leave a note for Laura.
Rosalie
nods. Sean disappears into the hallway. Rosalie's eyes are distant. 
EXT.
STREET - NIGHT
Sean
and Rosalie walks towards the theater, the MARQUEE glowing in the
night sky. 
SEAN
I'm
sorry that happened. Mark Copland was always a jerk.
ROSALIE
I
had feelings for him. I... still do.
SEAN
You're
going to find someone who loves for who you are, Rosalie. I know you
are.
Rosalie
nods. 
SeAN
(CONT'D)
But
anyway, I think you should find something you've always wanted to
write about, and write it. I'm sure it will be amazing.
ROSALIE
I've
been trying. But I need inspiration.
SEAN
You'll
find it. 
A
beat.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
So,
what did you want to tell me?
In
answer, Sean looks up and freezes in his tracks. Rosalie looks in
Sean's direction, and notices Laura from the same companion as the
diner. They kiss passionately on a PARK BENCH, not noticing Sean or
Rosalie.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
Hello.
They
both stare at him, frozen.
LAURA
Sean-
He
grabs Laura's companion by his shirt and begins to punch him in the
face several times. 
LAURA
(CONT'D)
Sean,
stop! 
Sean
continues beating up her companion. Several onlookers stare.
LAURA
(CONT'D)
STOP!
Rosalie
tries to speak, but is too shaken.
INT.
POLICE STATIOn - DAY
Rosalie
sits in the waiting room of the police station, staring down at her
feet. 
Alison
enters, her face filled with both fury and anger. She notices
Rosalie.
ALISOn
Where's
your brother?
ROSALIE
You
have to talk to the front desk. 
ALISON
What's
happening?
ROSALIE
I
don't know too much. 
Rosalie
nods.
Alison
goes up to the desk and begins to talk to the officer situated at the
desk. They speak indistinctly for a while before he leads Alison
back.
INT.
CAR - NIGHT 
They
all get into the car; Rosalie in back, Alison and Sean in front.
ALISON
The
boy's going to be alright.
Sean
begins a violent, loud fit of tears.
AlISON
(CONT'D)
And
they're not pressing charges. You are very lucky. Do you understand?
This
does nothing. He continues to cry. Rosalie sits rigidly in the
backseat, unsure of what to do or say.
AlISON
(CONT'D)
Sean,
stop crying. 
Still
nothing.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
For
god sake. Have some dignity. You're a grown man.
He
attempts to dry his tears but to little avail.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
No,
I want you to understand that Laura did a terrible, terrible thing to
you. But how you resolved it? Not the right away. Do you understand
how much money... money we don't have... I just had to pay?
SEAN
I'm
sorry.
ALISON
I
know that you're hurting.  But physical violence is not acceptable.
SEAN
I
had... I didn't know...
His
voice was choked, barely coherent.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
What
else was I supposed to? 
ALISON
What?!
SEAN
What
else was I supposed to do?
Alison
tightens her grip on the steering wheel, and then releases it.
ALISON
I
want you to apologize to your sister right now. I can't believe she
had to see that.
SEAN
Sorry...
Rosalie...
ROSALIE
It's
okay.
ALISON
Your
father would be ashamed of you.
They
arrive at their apartment and park. Rosalie has a pained look on her
face.
Sean
stares at his mother before exiting the car, slamming the door.
Alison sighs.
INT.
SEAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Snow
falls moderately outside. Sean still has a great deal of belongings
to unpack, but he's made his bedroom moderately comfortable. He lays
down, staring up at the ceiling. Sleep evades him.
There
is a knock at the door.
ROSALIE
(O.S.)
Sean?
SEAN
Hey,
Ro. Come in.
She
enters, carrying a folded piece of paper in her hands.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
Can't
sleep? 
Rosalie
shakes her head.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
Me
either.
ROSALIE
Can
you talk? 
SEAN
Of
course. 
He
sits up, gesturing for Rosalie to sit next to him. She does.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
What's
going on?
ROSALIE
I
wanted to see how you were doing.
SEAN
Oh.
Pretty terrible. 
ROSALIE
I'm
sorry.
SEAN
I
really thought she was the one, that she was it... we were going to
get a house, and have children of our own... now, I don't know who I
am, or what I'm supposed to be.
ROSALIE
You'll
figure it out.
SEAN
But
what if I don't?
ROSALIE
What
do you mean?
SEAN
I
don't want to end up like Mom.
ROSALIE
You
won't.
SEAN
How
can you be sure?
ROSALIE
Mom
never wanted to learn to live without Dad, and you want to, I think.
I mean, without Laura.
SEAN
I
don't know. How has Mom been, by the way? Still bad? 
ROSALIE
It
comes and goes. Some days she's fine, happy even, and other days she
can't stop crying. Or she'll go off on these long tangents about Dad,
tell me all these stories about him. They're nice, the stories. You
know, I had a dream about him the other night.
SEAN
Yeah?
ROSALIE
Yeah.
It was nice. I can't believe it's been eight years since I last saw
him. It feels like another life.
SEAN
Mom
was so happy then.
Rosalie
unfolds the piece of paper from her hand and gives it to Sean.
ROSALIE
I
started writing this. I'm not really sure where it's going, but...
SEAN
(reads)
Life
is hard. It has been for everyone throughout all of human history. If
it appears otherwise for anyone you meet, it is more than likely that
there is much about them that you do not know. Yet, when then, are we
such hopeful creatures? Why do we cling so strongly to this
existence? It is because life is full of wonder as well.
ROSALIE
That's
all I have so far.
SEAN
Wow.

Rosalie
blushes. Sean hands the paper back to her.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
I
can't wait to read of this. 
ROSALIE
It's
funny. Ever since, you know, what happened, it's only made me more
determined to be a writer. Go back to New York. Maybe even go to
college.
SEAN
I'm
sure you'll be able to do all of that and more. 
He
sighs.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
I
wanted to say I'm sorry, again.
ROSALIE
For
what?
SEAN
For
the way I treated you all that time. For leaving you to deal with Mom
on your own, for making you think that I don't care about Dad. 
ROSALIE
No.
 It's okay. I understand, I think. 
SEAN
Do
you think Dad would really be ashamed of me?
Rosalie
shakes her head.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
I
have to go tomorrow to get the last of my stuff. In a weird way, it's
nice to be back. 
Rosalie
looks out the window, where it snows.
ROSALIE
Sean?
SEAN
Yep?
ROSALIE
You
loved Laura so much. If you could go back... would you still be with
her, even if you knew how it would end?
SEAN
That's
hard to say.
Rosalie
extends her arms towards Sean, and they hug. It's reassuring hug, an
affectionate one.
ROSALIE
It's
so pretty outside. The snow. It'll be Christmas again soon.
Sean
smiles weakly. Rosalie yawns.
ROSALIE
(CONT'D)
I'm
going to go to bed, actually. Good night.
SEAN
Night.
ROSALIE
I'm
glad we can talk about these things.
SEAN
Me
too.
Rosalie
approaches the door.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
Wait
a sec.
ROSALIE
Yeah?
SEAN
You
were going to tell me something the other day? What was it? 
ROSALIE
It
doesn't matter now.
SEAN
No,
tell me.
Rosalie
freezes.
ROSALIE
I'm
going to go to bed...
SEAN
Rosalie,
did you know Laura was cheating on me? And not say anything?
ROSALIE
I
was going to tell you, but- 
Sean
sighs.
SEAN
How
long did you know?
ROSALIE
I
saw the two of them together at the diner. She said she was going to
end the affair. But I didn't trust her, so I called you...
Sean
lays back down in bed. 
SEAN
I
wish you would have told me.
He
closes his eyes and then opens them.
SEAN
(CONT'D)
You
should have told me right away.
ROSALIE
I'm
sorry. 
SEAN
Good
night, Rosalie. 
She
leaves with hesitation.
INT.
DINING AREA - CONTINOUS 
Snow
whirls in the dark sky. Sean, Rosalie, and Alison all sit down to
dinner. 
ALISON
Alright.
I have to go run some errands. I won't be gone long. Rosalie, will
you do the dishes?
ROSALIE
Sure.
Alison
gets up and puts on her coat, waving goodbye.
SEAN
I'll
be in my room.
ROSALIE
Okay.

Sean
gets up and pushes in his chair. Alone, she walks over to the radio
and turns it on. An old, relaxing CHRISTMAS SONG plays.
Letting
a smile escape her lips, she walks back into the kitchen and begins
to do the dishes, humming along to the song as she does.
She
is jolted by the sound of SHATTERING CHINA. She realizes she has
broken a plate, and curses under her breath. Sean appears in the
hallway.
SEAN
Is
everything okay?
ROSALIE
I
just broke a plate.
SEAN
Oh.
ROSALIE
Sean?
SEAN
Hm?
ROSALIE
You've
been avoiding me for the past few days. It's not still because of-
SEAN
Rosalie...
Rosalie
raises her eyebrows, but Sean returns to his bedroom. Rosalie begins
to sweep up the PIECES of the broken plate and places them in the
trash.
INT.
LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A
short while later, Alison returns. Rosalie lies on the couch, paging
through a magazine. 
ALISON
It's
cold out there!
ROSALIE
Yeah?
ALISON
Hi,
honey. Where's Sean?
ROSALIE
In
his room.
ALISON
Did
you do the dishes?
ROSALIE
Yeah,
one broke though.
ALISON
What
did you break?
ROSALIE
I
don't know. A dish.
ALISON
Where
is it?
ROSALIE
I
put the pieces in the trash.
Alison
walks straight to the trash. She looks inside, and her mouth falls
open.
ALISON
Rosalie...
ROSALIE
What?
ALISON
Oh,
Rosalie. Of all the plates you could have broken.
ROSALIE
I'm
sorry. It was an accident.
ALISON
This
was the plate I got a dish night. With your father all those years
ago...
ROSALIE
Oh.
I'm really sorry. I didn't realize it was significant.
ALISON
I
beg your pardon?
ROSALIE
I
said I'm sorry. I didn't know the plate was significant.
ALISON
So
it's okay to be careless when you do the dishes?
ROSALIE
No,
mom. I never said that. 
Alison,
noticing the radio, scowls and turns it off. 
ALISON
Apologize
this instant.
ROSALIE
That's
what I've been trying to do.
ALISON
You
don't even sound like you care.
ROSALIE
I
do. 
ALISON
Do
you understand how important that plate was to me?
ROSALIE
I
do now.
Alison's
eyes widen. She fumes.
ALISON
Do
the things that are important to me mean anything to you at all?
ROSALIE
Yes.
ALISON
Do
they? I don't think they do.
Rosalie
lets out a breath.
ROSALIE
That
is incredibly unfair.
ALISON
You
don't care about a bit of it. You think you're so much better than me
because you're going to be a writer and nothing your father or I ever
did for you makes any difference.
Rosalie
tugs at her necklace.
ROSALIE
I
don't care about Dad? Do you think I would wear this necklace every
day if I didn't?
Rosalie
instantly places her hand over her mouth.
ALISON
What?
ROSALIE
I,
um...
ALISON
When
did he give it you?
ROSALIE
The
night before he left. I'm sorry. But he told me not to tell you... I
didn't want to upset you.
ALISON
Why
would your father have asked you to keep a secret from me?
ROSALIE
He
probably didn't want you to overreact.
She
slaps Rosalie across the face.
ALISON
How
dare you. Maybe you'll understand if you if find someone you love one
day. But until then,
all
you'll be is a spoiled, selfish
brat.
Who was it that fed you, gave
you
a home, and worked a full time job just so you could have everything
you wanted?
Rosalie
begins to sob uncontrollably.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Oh,
toughen up.
ROSALIE
Mom,
I'm being selfish? You've never thought about anyone but yourself. I
miss Dad a lot too, but shutting down doesn't do anyone any good. 
Alison
raises her first, causing Rosalie to quiver, but then she lowers it.
ALISON
Get
out of my sight.
Rosalie,
tears streaming down her face, puts on her coat and bolts out the
front door. She does not look back.
EXT.
STREETS - NIGHT 
Rosalie
runs through the quiet night streets. Snowflakes fall in her hair.
Tears stream down her face. She shivers.
She
finds a bench. Collapsing onto it, she gazes up the starry night sky.

INT.
HALLWAY - NIGHT
Late.
Rosalie enters with her head held high. She is met with darkness. She
proceeds slowly. Upon reaching the hallway, she notices her mother's
light is on. Approaching the door, she brings her hand forward to
KNOCK.
For
a long time there is no response. Rosalie starts to shake.
ALISON
(O.S.)
Yes?
ROSALIE
It's
me.
ALISON
Go
to sleep. We'll talk more in hte morining.
Startled,
Rosalie sighs and resigns herself to her bedroom.
INT.
ROSALIE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Rosalie
awakens in a haze. Fresh snow lies on the ground, and SUN shines
through the windows. It is almost too calm, too peaceful.
She
gets out of bed and goes over to the window, outstretching her arms.
She
becomes aware of the sound of HUMMING and takes in the and takes in a
wonderful scent. She sighs deeply and rubs her eyes. She dresses, and
rolling her shoulders back, she walks toward the kitchen.
INT.
DINING AREA - DAY
As
Alison lays out breakfast, she looks up and notices Rosalie, beaming.
ALISON
Hi,
honey! Are you hungry? I made breakfast.
Rosalie
does not know how to react.
ROSALIE
Uh,
where's Sean?
ALISON
He
must still be in bed. Sit, honey.
Alison
pulls out a chair from the dining table, and Rosalie uneasily takes a
seat.
Sean
emerges from the hallway.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Good
morning. 
SEAN
Good
morning.
ALISON
I
made breakfast. Sit. 
He
sits down at the table, confused. 
Alison
brings the last of the breakfast items from the kitchen and places
them on the dining room table. Rosalie begins to serve herself, but
Alison stops her.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
I'll
do it.
SEAN
Is
everything alright?
ALISON
Of
course.

She
serves them, and then herself, and they begin to eat. For a while
they do not speak, although Alison continues to gaze at her children
lovingly. 
They
are both uncomfortable. Rosalie thinks of saying something, but does
not know what to say.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
It
must not be good if it's made you two so quiet. 
She
pours herself a refill of juice, but some of it accidentally spills.
Before Rosalie can react, Alison darts to the kitchen to get a rag,
and returns to wipe up the spill.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Careful!
With
a smile, she takes the rag back to the kitchen. Sean and Rosalie
glance at each other. Alison sits back down.
SEAN
It's
delicious.
ALISON
I'm
glad. Anything for you two. 
Rosalie
sets her fork down and takes a deep breath.
Alison
looks out the window, admiring the freshly fallen snow.
ALISON
(CONT'D)
I
can't believe it's almost Christmas. We'll have to do something
special. Maybe I'll make cinnamon rolls like I used to.
ROSALIE
It's
beautiful outside. It... I don't know. Reminds me so much of Dad.
ALISON
Winter
was always your father's favorite time of year. Especially Christmas.
Alison's
voice is light, airy. She smiles widely. 
ALISON
(CONT'D)
Do
you kids remember the last Christmas we spent together before he went
away? 
ROSALIE
Of
course.
ALISON
You
two made him so happy. I wish you could have seen the look on his
face when you were both born. I wish he could see the both of you
now.
ROSALIE
We
wish we could see him too.
As
they finish up eating, Alison begins to clean up and take dishes into
the kitchen. As she cleans them, she begins to hum the same song
again.
Rosalie
and Sean stare at each other blankly. Returning to the dining room,
she hugs both Rosalie and Sean at once.
ALISON
I
love you both.
ROSALIE
We
love you, mom.
ALISON
I
wish I didn't have to go to work today, but I'll see both of you
later.
She
takes her car keys and walks out the door, very slowly. 
SEAN
Does
Mom usually drive to work?
ROSALIE
No.
Maybe the, um, trains aren't running today?
They
both nod.
INT.
LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A
harsh, threatening snowfall rages in the pitch black sky. The wind
HOWLS. Rosalie stands by the telephone, antsy. Sean sits on the
couch, looking out the window.
SEAN
Five
minutes.
ROSALIE
Sean,
I'm worried.
SEAN
It's
only been an hour. Maybe she's working overtime.
ROSALIE
She
would have at least called us, wouldn't she? And it's six pm. Who is
still going to be at the school?
SEAN
Okay.
Call if you want. 
Her
hands shaking, Rosalie dials the phone. As she waits for someone to
pick up, she taps her foot.
Rosalie's
eyes widen and her heart skips a beat.
ROSALIE
Hello.
I'm Rosalie... uh, Alison's daughter? Hastings? My brother and I were
wondering if my mother was still there.
Rosalie
bites her lip, and Sean raises his eyebrows.
ROSALIE
(CONT'D)
What
do you mean? She told us she had work. Why would she have lied?!

Rosalie
listens.
ROSALIE
(CONT'D)
No.
I'm sorry. That was out of line. Thanks for your help. Will do.
Rosalie
hangs up the phone, nearly dropping it. Sean rises from his seat. 
SEAN
What?
ROSALIE
Mom
never showed up to work today. But that's not all. She told her boss
that she was going to take today off and spend it with us. 
SEAN
What?
ROSALIE
Where
could she be?
SEAN
I
wish I knew.
ROSALIE
What
do we do?
SEAN
We
wait. She has to come home some time. She has to. And if she doesn't
come back tonight, I guess we go to the police.
Rosalie
nods.
ROSALIE
I'm
going to make tea. Do you want any?
SEAN
No
thank you.
Rosalie
leaves to make the tea, and later she returns. They wait in the
living room, unable to move, or speak. After a long time, Sean starts
to fidget, opening his mouth and then closing it.
ROSALIE
What?
SEAN
Nothing.
ROSALIE
You
look like yo want to say something.
SEAN
I'm
sorry about how I've treated you these past few days.
ROSALIE
What
do you mean?
SEAN
I'm
sorry. About being so nasty. 
ROSALIE
No,
it's okay. I understand.
SEAN
Maybe
I could defended you.
ROSALIE
Don't
worry about that.
The
conversation ends abruptly. The minutes inch by like years.
INT.
LIVING ROom - DAy
The
next morning, as dawn breaks, Sean and Rosalie have both drifted off.
There is a knock at the door, and Sean groggily rises to answer it.
It is a POLICE OFFICER. Rosalie walks over to the door to see what
the commotion is about. 
The
officer enters, and sits them down. The world fades away.
EXT.
GRAVEYARD - DAY
Rosalie
and Sean stand at their mother's grave. Their eyes are filled with
tears. Rosalie lays her head on her brother's shoulder. Sean stares
ahead.
SEAN
She's
with Dad now.
They
embrace, and walk towards their car.
INT.
CAR - DAY 
As
they drive away, Rosalie stares out the window, towards the sky.
They
drive a few moments in silence before sharing a reassuring look.
FADE
OUT


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878 Reviews


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Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:24 am
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Demeter wrote a review...



Hey!

The slap certainly came out of the blue! And neither Alison nor Rosalie seem to properly react to it, which is a bit maddening.

Laura kissing a stranger - oooh, drama! I feel like this is what the story needs more of. I'm certainly immediately wanting to know more, which is unfortunately the first time I've really felt that during the script. However, it does make me wonder - why did Sean and Laura get married in the first place? I haven't really thought of this before, but nothing - not their age, financial situation, time they've been dating - seemed to suggest that it was a good idea to get married. I'm starting to feel like the only reason for their marriage is a more concrete reason for Rosalie to feel like Sean has left her/their family? So, the motivation for the marriage is in how Rosalie feels about it, not Sean's relationship, which seems a bit wrong.

I don't really like Sean's reaction when he learns Rosalie knew about the cheating. It has no passion at all, nothing but "You should've told me, good night". How does he feel about it? I guess he'd be angry?

Ooh, another slap. Not quite as random as the first one, but still the reactions seem a bit off?

Rosalie
leaves to make the tea, and later she returns. They wait in the
living room, unable to move, or speak. After a long time, Sean starts
to fidget, opening his mouth and then closing it.

Since this is a film script, I'm interested in how you were planning to execute this scene. It says Rosalie leaves and "later" returns - what are you planning to show in between? Is the camera going to be on Sean waiting or Rosalie making tea? When she comes back, are they really just going to sit there for a long time until Sean starts to open and close his mouth? It seems like a surprisingly vague set of stage directions. It would work in a novel, but I don't see how this would be made in a film or a play.

And that's the end! I have to say that the ending didn't leave me particularly satisfied. It seemed unexpected and almost rushed, so it leaves me as a reader feeling just like "well, what now?"

All in all, I'm not sure what story you have just told me. I don't feel like Rosalie has changed at all or learnt to know herself, so really everything that seems to change is that the mother kills herself. It's of course very sad, but that doesn't make much of a story. Sure, there are everyday struggles like money problems, school paper problems… but those should be filler things, not the meat of the story. I wish I didn't have to say this, but I don't really… feel anything. I feel just a bit blank, like, "Okay, that was it."

With that said, I'm not sure if I'd be interested in watching a film where not much happens. I feel like it would need much more drama and action, not just drama concerning the characters' thoughts. I'm sure this is a fine practice piece, but it isn't as good as a story as for example the fairly recent one of yours with the actresses, the "Hello, Mona" one.

Perhaps I'm just not the target audience for this, and I hope that you're not upset by what I have said. I have basically just written stream of consciousness, so I apologise if I've come across as rude occasionally. :( it has not been my intention.

Anyway, I do think it's admirable to write a full-length script and it's certainly something I could never do! Was this for uni or just for yourself?

xxx




Elinor says...


No dear, it's good for me to have constructive feedback.

The story I'm trying to tell is that of a girl who has been silenced by the tragic events of her life; her father's death (whom she idolized) at a young age, her mentally ill mother and the absentness of her brother. It should be about her finding her voice and realizing that she does have something to offer- finding her "home" if you will. And in a way, it works out for her in the end, but at a great cost. Because whatever's going to happen to Sean and Rosalie now, they'll be there for each other, and they won't shut each other out and bottle up their problems but face them together. I hope this makes sense. I agree the script needs some structure since it's changed a lot from the very first draft that you read, and I hope that a rewrite would make you more interested. I do feel very passionately about this story and hope to make it into a movie one day, so it's just a matter of me figuring out how to tell the story in best possible way.

Feel free to chat me if you have any more questions. Thanks again for taking the time to review. <3



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Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:24 pm
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Yo Ellie,

I've read the other two parts of this script but have as yet not completed reviews for them. You get my commentary backward then!

This script has left me with a lot of questions. I have an issue with Alison slapping Rosalie and not feeling any kind of upset over it? I feel this way about it the first time it happens. Rosalie doesn't seem prepared for it, but also does not appear to be shocked by it? So I don't know if this is something that happens kind of often or never. It feels like it should be never, but that's just how I feel about parents hitting their children.

No one quite responds to anything the way I might suspect? Alison is very much high strung and just explodes without any build up which feels off in the passage of the script - which may actually turn out to be a commentary on the pacing of the thing but feels more of a characterisation issue. Is she depressed at this point? Stella (who I noticed reviewing the other parts) will probably get here and tell us if that seems like regular depressive behaviour across several months.

Laura doesn't try particularly hard to convince Rosalie to be on her side at all. She doesn't even sit by her, she kind of hovers over her talking at her about the affair. Even then, Rosalie isn't outraged or very sad or anything, she'd placid as she has been throughout most of the script, which makes me want to say that Rosalie is just a placid kind of chick. But I'm pretty sure you don't mean for her to be placid, she's just coming across that way.

Consider also some of the transitions or the connectors between your more major scenes, you might want to include some every day mundane actions to centre the scene before you launch into dialogue or whatever. At the moment I feel like in some places we're jerked a little from scene to not. Most particularly in the end scene, which feels slightly rushed.

I'd suggest at this point that you write out the major and minor plot movements of your script and indicate the emotions each character should have at each point. Once you've done that, explore whether your dialogue actually reflects the indicated emotion - I think you'll find that it mostly doesn't. Ladies in the past were no less tempestuous or outrageous or moody, and they still expressed themselves. We need Rosalie to have a bit more colour through the script.

One final question: Why did they have to hide the presents from Alison. Is there a reason for that?

Thanks for the read!
Pen.





You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling