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Young Writers Society



A Fools Tall Tales

by Elia92


“Dark shadows swept the lands as the last ray of light disappeared behind the mountains. No longer were the beasts of the night held back by the sun’s warm barrier. Their territory now expanded beyond the caves and shadows of the mountains in which they hid. Every night grew longer as the years went on. Raids and murders became more frequent, and strength was returned to the ones held prisoners by light.

As time went on days became night, but never again did the sun shine as it once did. Its bright rays that lit the tops of trees a beautiful red-orange as it rose, now only left a dim light, as if looking through a blanket of fog.

A routine was created by the villagers. Doors locked, stores closed, and streets empty before the sun’s remaining light disappeared, only to be taken over by a thick eerie darkness.

These times went on for centuries, until memories of light became fairy tales. And this is how we lived, and still live.” The soft pitter-patter of rain could be heard hitting against the stone wall, as two pairs of wide eyes stared in disbelief at the old man’s story.

“Is it true grandfather? Did the sun really shine bright enough to scare all those monsters?” It was the older of the two small boys sitting at their grandfather’s feet who spoke.

“Oh yes. The warm rays were like a prison to them, keeping them in their caves and up in the mountains,” he responded pointing a crooked finger towards the North, where the mountains called Malorock stood only a few miles from the villages that surrounded their kingdom.

“But they can’t get in right?” now it was the youngest who spoke. His amber eyes reflecting fear and worry as his small hands held tight to his brother’s arm.

“There is nothing for the two of you to worry about. Any beast with a capable mind knows that all of there kind who enters here will not get far. Your father is one of the greatest worriors and kings of our time. And the two of you, along with your mother, are his life.”

It was this that crossed his mind as Lurick stared down at the very same village.

“Foolish old man, if he was such a great worrior then why was he so easily struck down?” he whispered to himself, but the only response he received was a gust of wind form the East.

With a swift flick of his wrist, he threw back the hood of his cloak. His spiked black hair was short and remained untouched by the winds that seemed to grow stronger.

Lurick was young and handsome. Much like his father, he was tall and slender with broad shoulders, his figure hidden beneath layers of black. These features were the only reminder of his mortal half, but his elvish blood ran deep. Although his build resembled that of a young soldier, his face held all the qualities of a Navilian elf. The pointed ears, square jaw, and amber eyes were the only physical resemblance to his immortal mother.

Lurick stood on one of the highest ledges of Malorock, his sight resting upon familiar details. Perhaps the information he came in search of wasn’t worth facing this part of his past, but he had already traveled too far to turn back empty handed.

After all, how many villagers would be able to recognize him? Although his face remained much the same, he himself had changed. He was no longer the foolish, naïve boy he once was many years ago. His face still held the faint glow of his elvish blood, but a distinct trace of a brutal childhood made his features hard and cold.

He was dead to them, as they were to him.


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Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:56 am
pudin.junidf wrote a review...



I liked it. I really like this fantasy stories they have that mistery and suspense around the whole fantay world. Second. is this all? because it is really good.just some few mistakes in the spelling but not much.

As time went on days became night

I think a comma this sentence needs a comma between on and days

that all of there kind

it should be their.

besides that, i don't see any more mistakes, well just the "warrior" thing, but that has been pointed out already. You have an incredible imagination, I really love the world you created, but i would like to know more about the village, the surroundings, because the story is very interesting.
Hope you keep writing.




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Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:58 pm
roon wrote a review...



Hello, this is really good, the story line is compelling for us, and sustainable for you! I really enjoyed this, and hope to see more soon! *Crosses fingers*

A few nitpicks:

and strength was returned to the ones held prisoners by light.

Prisoner, not prisoners

if he was such a great worrior

Your father is one of the greatest worriors
Warrior(s)

hidden beneath layers of black.

Black what? Describe this more, is there a reason he is in black, details are what make a character more real, we don’t know whether the black is significant!

A routine was created by the villagers.

I would have said something along the lines of A routine evolved for the villagers, just my personal opinion, I don’t mind if you hate this!

that all of there kind

Wrong there/their/they’re should be their.

That’s all, except maybe a little more description? Transport us there! We know that you can see your world, but we can’t see what you see, unless you make us!

Overall, apart from the typos, this is excellent, you have clearly thought about plot and the characters, you clearly have an excellent imagination, but make us see what your mind has so carefully constructed! I really think this could pan out to be an excellent story, so well done, and keep writing, if you post any more, pm me, unless you did and I missed it, which is a possibility! Anyways, if there's more at any point, let me know, I will be happy to review it!

Thank you for the pleasure of reading this!

~ Roon




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Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:29 pm
Elia92 says...



It is the beginning of a story, thanks for the comment and I fixed the mistakes. :D




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Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:58 pm
ZannaShepherd wrote a review...



Hi Elia92, :smt039
I really liked this piece of writing. (It's just a start to a story, correct?) The plot was compelling, and makes the reader (me) want to read more! I liked the description of Lurick, it made it really easy for me to picture him, and the description throughout the story was great.:smt040

I just thought I'd point out that 'warrior' was spelled wrong twice.

. . . greatest worriers and kings of our time.

. . . if he was such a great worrier then why. . .

Sorry it wasn't much of a review (I'm new at this kind of thing). :smt105
~Zanna :elephant:





We do have funerals for the living. They're called birthday parties.
— Jill Biden (fictitiously), Hope Never Dies