When I Grow Up
I want to be a thinker when I group up, thinking up ideas and cures to help man kind.
I want to be a gymnast, flipping and cartwheeling like gravity has no pull on me.
I want to be a genius, where math does not kill me anymore!
I want to be an astronaut, where i can reach as high as i can because i will fall among the stars.
I want to be...
whatever i want....
....when I grow up.
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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Great concept, just one tiny error: every "i" needs to be capitalized when it is referring to yourself, aka the word I
Yo. Grogan here.
I like the concept of this poem a lot. Very simplistic. The other reviewers already mentioned the inconsistency of the capitalization of "I". Mankind is one word, instead of two. And not to be nitpicky, but your usage of elipses at the end of the poem is also inconsistent. Like you have three dots in the first set, and four in the other two. I'm an incredible grammar freak, so don't hate me for pointing that out. Lol. Great work here!
groganbabygirl
Hi, Ruby here for a review
I like the concept for this. I've written a few poems trying to place myself in a child-like mindset again because it can capture such a naive mood unlike the point of view achieved from anything else. Everyone had a dream job when they were little so it's cool that this could cause someone to think about that dream again after reading this (just like I did). To be more inclusive and help more people relate when they read this poem, however, it would be interesting if you added more lines that talk about some of the most common jobs that little kids want to have when they are older.
I see that you go back and forth capitalizing 'I'. Usually, it's my preference to always capitalize it so it looks more uniform and correct, but if you don't want to then you should probably make it one way throughout.
Welcome to YWS, great first poem!
Thank you so much!!! I really want to start writing and expressing myself through poetry. I am so glad you picked up on the concept I was trying to write. That makes me feel awesome as a writer.
Hi ElephantGirl1, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
Firstly welcome to YWS, I hope you like it here. Now on with the review.
Firstly I love the concept and how you laid it you for us the read. The poem flows pretty well even thought the lines are really long and is quite interesting to. I think that you should change the title or jazz it up a bit so that it sticks out from the crowd. Don't ask me how I am not very good at titles.
I do have a few nit-picks though. Some of the times you capitalize (i) but sometimes you don't. I think you should capitalize all the single i's. I hope I made sense. Another little problem is that you write thinker twice in one sentence, you should change that other whys it gets boring and takes away from the poem. One last thing, in the line where the wrote about math, I find that slightly funny. I really don't like math.
So well done on a great poem and I look forward to more of your work. I hope you have a great day\night.
This is a really sweet poem.. c:
i like how you put it
thata how i feel, most kids feel,
when were kids we say if your a girl"i want to be a queen"
but teens there diffrent
me i want to be a writier or acter
Hi jessiebear hear. I love your poem good job keep up the good work.