you married that black scarf
that hooks around your neck
like a rosyboa
the brim hat you wear
on sundays has pot shots on the
top from the squirrel gun
the veil of blood cascades
like the river Plath
into the white marble
monstrosity of achitecture
your paper tigers
can't fool me anymore
than your forgivenlips
wet from worring your tongue
between your teeth
like lime after tequila
our town never seemed so small
as when you left and came back
- your face, a Picasso of mystery
me no longer knowing
the corner of your smile
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
There was some good imagery in this. I was a bit confused at some points though.
This was my favourite line, great metaphor!
I saw you didn't have any comments on this, so even though it was awhile ago...
the brim hat you wear
This line... I don't know why, but I didn't really like it. Not the whole stanza- just this line. I think it's the 'brim hat'...
- your face, a Picasso of mystery
me no longer knowing
the corner of your smile
I liked this part, but the transition of the lines seemed a bit abrupt. The 'me no longer...' line's wording was a little weird too, but I really liked the last two lines.
I really liked the imagery you had in here. Some of your combined words [intentional, I'm guessing] are a little confusing first time read, but a second reading clarifies it. Really nice poem- I like your writing style.