Published August 15, 2009
My personality...
It lures you
My song...
It hypnotizes you
My life...
It amazes you
My could-be...
Is what you see
My Now...
Is what you ignore
My Life...
Is what you ruin
My relationship...
With you is over
My love...
Now is gone
Your Love...
Never existed
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,440 Literary Works • 674,432 Reviews
First Impression
Awe. That's cute!
Review
-I would like to point out (before the mod.s do) that you only have one review when the ratio is 2-3 reviews per post.
-You did remember the capitalization...*hugs* Most new members don't. *reads again*
-Oh...my...gosh...you forgot the punctuation! That is the balance in the words and their letters! No matter what you think, punctuation is as important as the capitalization. It is needed greatly. It looks like pretty much all you need are periods.
Suggestion
You might want to replace the dots...I forgot what they're called. Watch it come back after I submit this. Anyhoo, you might want to replace them with comma's. Just a suggestion, but I would advise you to consider it.
Compliments
Well, good job! Keep writing! Don't forget to review before you post!
♥ Elly
wow, that was really good, and it was really deep too, it seemed like you put a lot of thought and emotion into it