Neat little words, ambitiously candid
they fill my room in books of branded
titles and pages, Dickens and Welles,
my library preceeds me:
it positvely swells.
Plays and musicals, rested on piano cases
notes and chords like flowers in vases,
I have so many words, letters and nouns,
rigid creatures that evoke emotions and sounds,
I’ve written a saga, an epic, gothic tragedies
Lovers that clash like titans, awash in stormy seas.
And yet, through my chatter, the lines in between,
all that I write and that I claim to have seen
I know,
that I have nothing, will have nothing
and yet even less to say
only that words curtain all the awkward silences
of my life,
neatly away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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I have to say that I liked this poem overall: the idea of it, the atmosphere you've given it, as well as the rhythm of it.
There are, however, some little points that bother me: the transition from the first line to the second is too abrupt; it could use some smoothing, something to help the words flow a little better.
There are also several instances where you use of punctuation bothers me:
Here for example, after "Dickens and Welles" ,a period would be more suited than a comma: the connection between the two sentences is not explicit enough to warrant the use of the comma.
Other case,
I'd remove the comma after "I know": it's unnecessary, and only halts the flow of the sentence.
Hope that helps.
Wow! The poem is so deep. Plus, you titled it perfectly-something I absolutely can't do to save my soul. It's not about death or anything creepy, but it gave me that sort of feeling while I read it, and that made it really cool. It's a pretty epic poem! Keep writing!