Published April 28, 2009
I’ve lost all my poetry.
Not even a little bit is left,
from when I rise to the dawn birds fall drowsy,
nothing untoward happens to me.
Not a note, not a letter do I bake,
no sweet creative reward,
no glorious smelling cake.
I have searched,
In all the smouldering poetic places
In worn out bars, in dearly loved faces,
Where the books are dusty
And the streets are misty.
But my friend is long gone from
when we spent a summer warm,
Under a promise
And a kite tail of hope.
We fought, and we fell,
And I got lost in myself.
Now, it’s hard
to accept anyone’s help.
I was young
The young long to be free.
I deserted poetry,
poetry deserted me.
The days fly in,
The days fly out,
The spinning wheel spins
and the heart goes on about
It’s business. But In the back of the room,
under my bed, a little pulse ticks
When will the vein burst?
For a life without beauty
Is a life wasted on me.
Life isn’t life.
Not without poetry.
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Hey Eimear.
This poem is weakly-executed -- ironically echoing the poetry's message -- I can see how you feel you may have lost your poetry.
Here's how you're going to regain it.
Firstly, read this to see how this idea has been done well.
Avoid unoriginality like the swine flu. That means writing "fly in, fly out" and "wheel spins" and "books are dusty" and "summer warm" and "vein burst" and all these little phrases that everyone has heard before. They don't cut it in poetry. In a poem, I don't want to read what I've read before. Poetry is about presenting an idea in a new way.
Avoid having a first line on its own that tells us everything you want to be saying in the poem. It's like Shakespeare starting a sonnet with "Love." It voids the meaning that we're meant to extract.
Avoid repeating words in quick succession. See "young" and "spinning/spins" and "life."
Avoid avoiding the use of rhythm and good enjambment.
Good luck!
I love your poem. Here are some of the mistakes:
shouldn't it be 'till, and not to?
Here:
and here:
as well as some other places, the poem rhymes, whereas the rest of the poem doesn't. Either you should try to make all of it rhyme, or none of it. That way it'll flow smoother. =)
That's all I could find! Hope this helps!
~Cat