Young Writers Society

^^ I really like the imagery here and how you make the reader think. It's one of those poems that you have to read twice to get the whole picture. The imagery here is also used well! I can tell you picked these words carefully, and the extra time you spent picking each word was not a waste at all. I hope to review more of your poems. I especially like the unique idea you used here. No an often used subject.

-Shina

Hi Eimear, it's Jon.

Let me just say, WOW. This was very good! I do have some suggestions though.

and through this witching hour of half etherized sleep--

I see little orbs of black floating in the amber.

In a loved-to-death one, those times when I will put my foot on a step

and fall through the entire staircase. I may be a fool, I will be a fool.

I feel like I should warn them, of what [s]lies[/s] under the grass of white fields,

where poppies grow. To turn to some child, and take her by the hand,

And lead her to safety, minding her not to step on honey leaves, on happy things.

For they all desert you, dear. They all will hurt you.

From the example of many, through the voice of more,

An anthem for the doomed youth.

This is a deep and well-written poem. First of all, I'm going to just say my impression and the feelings I get from the poem because I don't know how I'll really be able to delve into it -- I have no idea if I got it or not. Then, you can do whatever you wish with my opinion! If you want to alter it to make it more clear to the point that you wanted to express, you can, but you probably shouldn't. ;D

I thought of it as mostly a poem describing the duality of life, based mostly on the attempts to cover things that are really quite dangerous. This is done even in comforting -- ignoring the problem and dismissing it with comfort. Another example that you give in your poem is the pitfall of trust {at least that's what I thought the point of the second to last stanza was} and how, as a human, you cannot even prevent yourself from falling into the trap.

The last line, especially, tells me you believe that comes from the idealism of youth and that it's only your nature -- you can't even help it. The tone, in my heart, was one of solemn acceptance and knowledge that perhaps as we grow we will become more aware of the world around us.

Hope my interpretation can help!

Anyways, here are my few comments;

Those disasters, choreographed by fate- those cups of whipped

cream, with knives lurking underneath. When I will put my trust

In a loved-to-death one, those times when I will put my foot on a step

and fall through the entire staircase. I may be a fool, I will be a fool.

To turn to some child, and take her by the hand,

And lead her to safety, minding her not to step on honey leaves, on happy things.

For they all desert you, dear. They all will hurt you.