Published May 8, 2008
Is there a way argue with time,
And negotiate your mistake,
Of forcing it on its way?
Like to hold a growing child in your arms,
Wishing to never let him go.
This is one of those hazy days.
At once you know it will be
A memory, the image slowly dripping into
The past of a teenage mind.
Together on the grass at school,
In striped ties, music filling our voices.
Outrageous toasts and promises sail,
On the wind of warm summer breeze.
Where will we all be,
‘This time next year?’
On the other side of the looking glass,
Peering in from exam results and fallen dreams.
One might say, ‘I don’t want to grow up!’
But even as we lie and slowly burn,
Underneath the afternoon glaze of sunbeam,
We are drifting apart, arms no longer laced,
The uniform that bounds our childhoods,
Tearing at the seams.
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Canary word: Present
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
E, are you stressing about school?
Since you wrote "Exam Blues" as well! Oh well. Forget about that.
You have this certain writing style that makes it really hard for me to review your poems. I wonder why that is so? And I'm sorry I can't anything more interesting than: I liked this. Not loved, but liked. Oh, I don't want to grow up either! Waah.
Nice job. Keep up.
D, your friend
Wow. This is nice. And the first stanze made perfect sense to me.
I loved this. you earn a star
The first stanza made no sense to me, mainly due to your poor grammar. In fact, it's so senseless I'm not even sure how to edit it.
The rest, however, was great. My main critique is that you could improve the flow by not capitalizing at the beginning of every line. Also, don't put a comma at the end of a line unless it actually grammatically fits there.
One small thing: "bounds" should either be "bound" (if you want it in the past) or "binds" (in the present, which would fit with the rest of the stanza).
Other than that, great job! Keep writing!
I don't want to grow up!
It's fun being a child but the time does tick away too fast.
It was descriptive and every thing. Very informative.
I have no suggestions on this one. Sorry.