Published February 28, 2010
My only comment about this piece is that I can't recall another time in which my writing has been more inspired by true stories. I'm really proud of this one, even if it's bittersweet. I needed to get these feelings out.
Game Over
Like at war, in love everything’s fair.
Then again, they say, love is also a game.
Sadistic playground
in which rules to be followed, are not bound.
But I play by the rules
because I don’t like to cheat or be cheated.
Yet all I find is deceiving.
For me game is always over,
I never get to first place.
Only second best,
or the second in the menu, that fits too, I guess.
Yet the merry-go-round keeps going on and on
with me inside,
unable to stop.
It keeps me spinning, it keeps me dazed.
Off reality, in a craze.
And here I lay,
trapped in this bubble which I myself made and cannot longer break.
So here I am
waiting for someone to come,
to pull me out.
Watching how my game
is yet over again.
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Hey! I quite like this but I have a few nitpicks so I'll take it line by line:
Like at war, in love everything’s fair.
Then again, they say, love is also a game. <<< The "then again" here sounds a bit conversational
Sadistic playground
in which rules to be followed, are not bound. <<< I'd get rid of the comma here
But I play by the rules
because I don’t like to cheat or be cheated.
Yet all I find is deceiving.
For me game is always over,
I never get to first place.
Only second best,
or the second in the menu, that fits too, I guess. <<< This also sounds quite conversational, it just makes the poem sound a little less poetic and brings down the tone.
Yet the merry-go-round keeps going on and on
with me inside,
unable to stop.
It keeps me spinning, it keeps me dazed.
Off reality, in a craze.
And here I lay, <<< Lay is past tense so it should be lie.
trapped in this bubble which I myself made and cannot longer break. <<< "can no longer" might sound better here. This line is also a little long and disrupts the flow a little.
So here I am
waiting for someone to come,
to pull me out.
Watching how my game
is yet over again.
So yeah, just a few little things there. pretty good apart from that though.