Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
This is a Creative piece that I did a year back for my Creative Writing class in college. It is a very personal piece that reflected a rather troubling and crazy time in my life. The rating is merely there due to one word and then a glazed over mature scene.
Prologue
A romantic getaway mixed with a bit of business seemed like the perfect idea for a young couple. A visit to a new and exotic place for his photography, while allowing them to spend some time together was perfect, it was as if the stars themselves had this planned. There were no hang-ups with the flight, no issues with leaving the kids behind or approving her joining him on the trip. It was as if all the signs had pointed to this trip happening.
It was meant to be…
Arrival
The sights and sounds that surrounded Sara, put a smile on her face and blush to her cheeks. There was just so much excitement and culture that it was hard to not get caught up in it all. Night had fallen, finding Michael and her exploring the area after leaving the safety of their hotel. There was some form of carnival, or celebration going on; at least that is what Sara guessed. Once again she had not taken the time to look up much about the area, leaving it to Michael who had dove deep into the history and the culture.He had planned the whole trip, filled it with fun and exciting places for them to visit together and even some activities for her to do when he had to work alone. Sara, on the other hand, had not taken the time to learn much about the place. Chalk it up to her being lazy, which was part of it; the greater picture however, was that she liked the idea of being surprised.
Just wandering about the place alone and seeing what there was to discover and experience. Being from what she would consider a “tough” place, there was little fear in the idea of wandering about on her own. The most she expects to happen is to be taken advantage of financially by some street vendor, given her less than perfect command of the language. Even that, however, is going to be a story that she will enjoy telling others. In the end, the trip truly had no downsides for her and her optimism was high.
Having lost sight of Michael, she paused in her wading through the crowd, her hazel eyes looking for the familiar form that was her husband. Finally landing on him, crouched outside a circle of people, camera poised in his hand, a look of complete amazement on his face as he stared into the circle. It was the look on his face that caught her attention, causing her own gaze to slide to the center of the circle and it was there they remained fixed.
Beautiful would not have done the being before her justice, as it was not just her beauty, which had riveted Sara in her place. There was almost a pulsating and breathing energy about the dancer, which commanded the attention of everyone. The fire in her eyes matched the fire red of her dress, which moved about her like a living being itself. All eyes were to be on her at all times and there seemed not to be a single complaint for the matter either. Sara had the misfortune of coming into the end of a dance, the crowd clapping and shouting words of appreciation and encouragement for another dance. Seemly on their own Sara’s own hands applauded as she silently urged on for another dance. Silence fell onto the crowd as the young woman stood stark still, the soft strumming of a guitar starting to fill the air; the dancer seeming to unfurl like a flower to the morning sun, to the notes of the guitar. Each movement, seemed to bring new life and light into her eyes, hinting to the crowd of the coming dance.
Sara watched captivated and awed as the young woman suddenly came alive, her feet moving with such a speed, it was as if the guitars were struggling to keep up with her. All the while the smile never left her face, as she moved, turned, dipped and spun to the beat of her own feet; commanding the song, commanding the world to watch her as she poured her heart out on the dance floor. As her feet moved faster and faster, Sara felt her heart racing as if it wanted to keep up and just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. The lone dancer standing in the center, her chest heaving, the smile on her face and a light in her eyes that had Sara smiling. The applause was deafening, the crowd surging forth for their chance to touch and speak to this divine creature.
“Let’s get back to the hotel!” Michael suddenly shouted beside her ear. Sara, startled, merely nodded and allowed herself to be lead back, though her eyes continued to cast glances over her shoulder, trying to catch fleeting glimpses of the dancer.
The following morning Sara rolled over in bed to find herself alone, though it was not surprising. Vaguely recalling Michael mentioning an early photo shoot with some models or something at some place, she will likely get an ear full for not paying attention to what he said last night. This brought a grin to her face as she stretched, the sheets falling away from her bare form as she stood, stretching some more before padding her way on the carpeted floor to the bathroom of their hotel room. The sound of running water heard as she splashes some water on her face, working on chasing the sleep from her eyes, she took a blurry eye look at herself in the mirror.
“Hmm…” is her only response to herself, noting the somewhat more vibrant look in her hazel eyes that stared back at her from the mirror, before she turns away to finish getting ready for her day.
Out on the streets she shields her eyes to the morning sun, the bright rays causing her eyes to squint until they grow accustomed to the outdoor light. Baseball cap on her head, backpack on her back (for she never carried a purse), Sara set out to explore the small village that was to be her home for the next week or so. Looking very much like a tourist, Sara did not seem to care; stopping to browse the wares of the various vendors, it was so far turning out to be a good day. That was until she got into a rather heated discussion over an item, the language barrier coming into effect and frustrating the hell out of her.
“No. Uh…Como…es…” she growled to herself for not paying closer attention to the Spanish lessons back in high school. She had inadvertently insulted his mother or something, at least that was the gist of what she was getting from her knowledge of Spanish.
“Estúpido de América!” the vendor shouted at her as he snatched money from her hand, the very act that set Sara off.
“Oh you have to be out of your Fucking mind!” she shouted as she reached across the counter to grab up the man.
However, before any true violence could happen, “¿Perdón?” Both Sara and the vendor turned, each of their gazes softening the moment they landed upon a familiar face, the dancer from last night. “¿Cuál es el problema aquí?”
The man rattled off in Spanish gesturing angrily at Sara, who was able to catch a few choices words here and there, which only suited in making her more pissed off. However, by the time it was all over the man was apologizing and handing her back her money along with the item she had been trying to purchase. Manners instilled in her from her mother, compelled words of thanks to the man before Sara turned to leave. The beaded rosary in her hand, the black beads glinting in the light, a tiny sparrow instead of a cross at the end was the perfect gift for Michael.
It took her a moment to realize someone had fallen into step beside her, glancing to the side her steps faltered as she noticed it was the beautiful dancer. “Oh, um...Hi? Oh, no wait! Hola!” Sara’s voice pitching too high, sounding like nails on a chalkboard to herself as she blushed.
The dancer giggles, the sound musical in nature and having the effect of putting Sara right at ease. “Hello would have been just fine. I am Aerilynne-Elise or just Elise for short” her hand extended to Sara.
Taking the offered hand, Sara smiled more. “Sara. Um, thank you for that,” gesturing over her shoulder back at the vendor.
Elise shrugs, even that simple movement having its own natural grace about it that Sara cannot help but notice. “Well you looked like you needed some help. Moreover, that guy can be somewhat of an ass. So vacationing I take it?”
“Yeah, what gave me away?” Sara asked relaxing into a casual walk with Elise.
Elise smirked as she shrugged again, “Well the hat, backpack and the way you were butchering the language did not help any,” she chuckled making Sara laugh at herself.
“Well I never try to pretend to be who I am not. So do you always rescue hapless tourists? Or am I just a special case?”
“Hmm…I did not really think I was rescuing you, more it was saving him. I got the feeling he was about to be in a world of hurt,” she chuckled again and Sara continued to smile.
“Yes well, while my command of the language is not perfect I knew what he was saying was not really all that nice,” Sara smiled stopping as Elise stopped, her eyes casting up to the sign above the doorway. “Bailar…studio…” eyes lowering again to meet Elise’s, “Is this where you practice?”
Elise smirked, leaning against the door frame, “No…this is where I teach.”
Lessons
The trip extended another three weeks, which was just fine for Sara as she was enjoying the dance lessons with Elise.
“Come on now step into me!” Elise voice was stern as she held Sara’s hand, her other hand about her waist, as she continued to teach her the tango.
“GRR!” Sara growled in frustration as she turned and stepped into Elise, her awkward feet tripping over themselves and she more fell into Elise instead of stepping into her. Much to her continued amazement, Elise did not budge, easily holding Sara’s weight with a smile of amusement, their eyes locked and staring into one another. “Sorry…” Sara said softly blushing despite herself.
“What do I keep telling you?” the amused tone matching the amusement in her eyes.
“Stop apologizing,” Sara smiled and blushed again.
“That’s right. Now…let’s start from the top,” Elise continued to hold the smile as she moved with Sara across the floor.
The pair began to move once again, Elise leading and Sara following, moving together with a natural rhythm that had both of them smiling. When the dance ended, they were holding one another close staring into each other’s eyes. Who made the first move is still up for debate, but all that truly matters to both is the fact that what happened was what they both wanted.
Their eyes closing, as they moved in closer to one another until their lips finally met; tentative at first, shy and uncertain as if both were not truly sure of what was happening, though the racing of their hearts was mutual. When they parted, looking into one another’s eyes once again, there was a fire, a spark, a desire burning between them now that was finally realized and no longer held in check.
The exchange of several heated kisses later, culminating with a passionate climax found the two new lovers cuddling one another as they laid atop a blanket on the dance floor. Elise lay partially atop Sara, resting with her ear against her chest so that she might listen to her heart. While Sara allowed her fingertips to continue to glide up and down along Elise’s back, her fingers parting the dark curly tresses of Elise’s hair that had fallen down her back during their moment of passion.
“It’s not beating as fast now,” Elise remarked softly with a smile Sara could not see though she could hear it in her voice.
Smiling Sara continued the light gestures of affection along Elise’s back, “Well you are not making it race anymore,” she chuckled lightly prompting Elise to raise her head to look into her eyes. A slight frown marred her lovely features, which tore at Sara’s heart, “What’s wrong?”
Elise opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it again, her eyes leaving Sara’s for a moment to cast down to the floor as she sought the proper words. “Wh...What about Michael?” the pain in her voice evident as well as a bit of shame.
Sighing Sara sat up, “Look…this that happened I do not regret. What we have…what has developed between us is not anything I would ever change. I loved you that night when I saw you dancing, I just did not know it yet. Now though…” her hand reached up cupping the side of Elise’s face, a smile coming to her lips when Elise rested her hand atop her own and leaned into her palm. “My heart, my soul, my entire being feels whole and alive because of you. As if I have been breathing with a weight on my chest, a weight that is now gone because you are in my life. I love you, with every fiber of my being, I love you,” the smile that came to Elise’s face made Sara smile in turn, though it only stayed for a moment before she too frowned. “But I…I love him too…”
Elise’s face dropped for a moment pulling away from Sara’s hand, driving a sharp cold ache into the pit of Sara’s stomach. “So, what then? Am I just to be your mistress? Your booty call? There when you don’t want his cock!”
The venom in her words stung Sara, stung her deep, “No. Never love. You are not some booty call. Not some other woman that I am creeping around to see. You are not that nor will you ever be that. You are the woman that I love and wish to share my life with, not a passing fling. You are the missing piece of my soul that I only just now realize has been absent. To lose you now, after just finding you…” her voice trailed off as she looked Elise in the eye, then took her hand and rested it over her heart. “This beats for you, as it has always beat for you, I just never knew it was until I met you.”
Elise looked away though she did not pull her hand free. “Then what are we to do? Because now that I have met you, I know that I cannot live without you,” her eyes looked back to Sara’s, her lip pouting slightly tugging at the strings of Sara’s heart.
“Trust in our love. I know this will work out, but you have to trust in our love. Just believe in it and I know that it will work out. Ok?” she said with urgency in her voice.
“I will…try,” Elise said.
Sara sighed, it was not exactly that she wanted to hear, but it was better than nothing, “I can live with that.” Leaning forward Sara touched her lips to Elise, the other woman slow to react but soon the kiss was returned with equal passion and love. “I love you,” Sara whispered when the kiss broke for a moment.
“I love you too,” Elise replied before they fell into another kiss, that was quickly falling into another physical display of their love for one another.
Epilogue
The young couple informed Michael of their love for one another and it was not pretty. All shared pain, tears and for a moment there, it all looked like it was going to crumble. Then Michael admitted his own feelings for Elise, having spent more time, than any knew, capturing her beauty with his camera. Always there at her events, among the crowd taking pictures, silently ignoring the growing love that he felt for her. Pining away for he did not think what he felt was right or proper. Yet there was his wife, the only woman whom he thought he loved, loving the same woman as himself.
There was hope in the hearts of these three that together, together they could find the everlasting happiness and love that they had been searching for. It may not be typical or conventional, but if it worked for them. Who cared what others thought? As the saying went, “Love conquers all".
Therefore, with that in mind, should not the love of three be more powerful then the love of two? Time will tell for this trio as they set out on their lives together.
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Well, you've told me what is happening in the story, but I'm not drawn into it yet, and it's all ready several paragraphs in. What kind of excitement? What kind of carnival? What were the people doing? Elegant descriptions of this thing are what cause a reader to want to read, rather than just read.
Okay, I'm sorry for copying and pasting all of that right there, but I just wanted to make sure that it illustrates the point I'm bringing up at this moment. There's no dialogue. Like, anywhere. This is the fourth paragraph like this, and it is a massive one! And there are several others throughout. Not only are they sore on the eyes, but also on the brain.
Dialogue is the lifeblood of writing. It's what keeps the story flowing, keeps it realistic and helps the readers to relate. Establishes characters. Of course you can say "Bob is X." But the reader won't care, until there is talk about it. Until it becomes controversial. When writing, it's important to try to craft your words around the dialogue, rather than throwing some in when it becomes convenient. Otherwise it comes out more like an essay, or a historical textbook.
At this point, I'm finding it hard to review this piece with an open mind. Please don't take that to mean it's not good, but because I have such a short attention span, I've become short because it's so long.
On that note, I think I'll end the review before I say something too harsh. This is not to say, once again, that it's bad, but it's just not my cup of tea.
Thank you Eferhilda!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
If you thought it too long why bother attempting to review? As I tend to skip ones myself that I feel are too long. As noted this was written for a class that was more focused on our Creative writing as a whole and less in dialogue. The characters only meet up at the end, so to have dialogue prior would be the one talking to herself. However, thank you anyway for the review and perhaps you will find some of my other works to your liking.
I love this story. It's so detailed and the visionary of it is so captivating that I want to read it again and again. Though it was in third person, I felt as thought I was the one who was Sara and who was experiencing all of these wonderful sights and sounds. It was a beautifully crafted story that brought together the ideas of different cultures and how people lived their lives outside of our own lifestyles.
Where to start?
I can feel the initial pull, this attraction to the woman who Sara spotted in the crowd as though it were my own. I feel as though all gravity has ceased and the only thing holding me to the earth's surface is her. I feel the instant connection, confusing in its sudden appearance, but just as apparent and full of need.
The second appearance, it was like a serendipitous meeting, fortuitous that it would be she who steps in and translates for Sara. It was like fate that she appear when Sara needed her most.
But the part I felt most? When they shared a dance. Dancing in and of itself is a very intimate experience. You and your partner connect on a deeper level; there's an aspect of trust that most don't experience in their lifetime because your life can be (and sometimes is literally) in their hands. While they were dancing and attention on the dance was slipping, but the awareness of each other was growing stronger...I felt it. I felt as though I were Elise and I was feeling this chemistry growing and growing until I could no longer handle it.
When it came to a head and she was confronted with the idea of losing Sara to Michael, I felt it as though it were my own.
A compelling piece of your life in written form. It leaves me wanting to know more, wanting to know what happened after the epilogue, where things went.
You've thoroughly hooked me.
Well-written and wonderful job. I look forward to reading more.
An amazing story, had me hooked from beginning to end. I almost felt like I was in Sara's shoes during the part with the vendor.
You know how to leave a reader wanting more, too.
Overall, great job, and I will definitely be keeping an eye out for more works from you!