This poem's to my mother;
It's about how I love her so.
I love her to the moon and back!
No, scratch that.
I love her more.
She's the one that taught me
that I am a human being
and NOT a human bean.
She also taught me french.
Well.. Kind of. I can say bonjour.
And salut. Salut does not mean salute
and I know that for sure because
my mom taught me french
when I was very little
and my brain was partially developing
and I can't remember a thing
except how we used to sing nursery rhymes
on the bed and she'd say french words to me.
No, I'm not naturally french.
I'm English.
That's not the point.
I remember when me and Uncle Sammy
Used to run around in our underwear
with underwear on our heads..
and arms...
and feet.
You and gramma laughed and called us dorks.
We laughed too, of course.
You taught me to be a dork, but that's okay.
Being a dork is fun.
I love you mom.
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Heyo! The first thing I noticed in this poem was the format. I know it may not seem like it matters, but putting your poem into stanzas goes a long way. It creates organization and also makes the poem look a bit better.
"Scratch that" is a term used in casual dialogue or a conversation.
I noticed a lot of casual things in this poem that people would often say in real life. You have to watch out for that to keep your poem more professional rather than it sounding extremely childish. Rather than having a nice poem, this sounds a bit more like you casually telling someone about your mum.
But I did like the humor in the poem, even though there were a few issues as mentioned above. Just work on making the poem a little less casual, and use better describing words rather than "laugh" or "dork." That would create imagery which hooks your reader into the poem.
Happy Review Day!
✖︎
It was interesting. I enjoyed how you learned nothing about French. I also like how you learned about dourness, the poem was interesting. I like how that you care about your mom so much. I like how it offered us a glimpse into your life. This is a wonderful poem I hope your mom liked it.
Hello fellow earthbender! This poem is so sweet, your mum must be touched.
You could do without the so, it isn't really necessary. The two lines also rhyme better without it!
Good job for adding some humour! I like it.
High fives for using some repetition!
Being a dork is extremely fun.
Hya there! Katie here! It's review and I'm hoping you'll agree with my review!
Okay so I think since this is a tribute to your mom then you did right by writing what you feel!
I do feel like that you could have added a little more to it. I like how you seem to just accept that your a dork.
There was also a few parts where I was kinda like huh? But I believe I understand the gist of it.
But overall good job and keep writing!
Aww, this poem was really sweet! I like how it offered us an insight into your life, and your life with your mother. I hope you ended up showing it to her; I know if i was your mom, i would appreciate it. I didn't really see any outstanding errors with the piece, and i really like how your voice comes out in the poem. Its not too long, but it gets the point across. I do wish you had introduced your uncle a little sooner, it seemed as though he was just kind of thrown in there. Otherwise, it was perfect. 10/10, keep on writing!
Hey, yo, LittleSister! Strangelove here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a quick review for you! It's been a while since I reviewed so I may be a little rusty.
Oh, the poem about the mom. A great thank you note for the person who popped us out, the person who's half responsible for giving us life. See, I do appreciate poems like these. Problem is, all of them are way too similar. If one were to attempt to make something original, though original is impossible, it would still fall under that cliched category. Does this poem fall under it?
[i]yes.]/i] Is it all bad? No. There are parts that did make me smile. There was humor that was silly and I enjoyed it.
You establish the connection between you and your mom, and from the start (and the title) it is evident. You managed to carry that theme through the whole poem which is great. It helps the quality of the poem a lot. You don't do that stupid "every time I hit space capitalize a letter" thing until halfway through, but you attempted to keep consistent.
It feels cliched with that typical "I love you mom" thing. All the things that you and your mom does. It doesn't apply a twist to it. Every same old mother poem says it. It's like reading the same one.
It isn't a bad poem, just wasn't for me.
Good job,
keep writing,
stay groovy my friend.