Published September 17, 2010
You're almost there, Peyton I told myself as my legs burned from running. Dead pines and willows raced by me, and branches tore at my limbs as I ran. I could hear the snarling of the creatures behind me, their warm breath creeping up my back as they gained on me. The light was getting closer...closer.... My leg stung as a particularly nasty barbed branch tore the flesh of my calf. Wincing, I felt the blood drip down my leg.
This would only make them more frantic to kill me.
My body felt as if it were on fire, flames licking my lungs and legs. I squinted my eyes near closed, just to keep my focus on the flame that would save both myself and the rest of my species. As I neared the bright ball of heat. A new energy came over me, and I felt as if I could run all of this over again.
However, at the relief, I slowed down. As I was about to leap into it, I felt the teeth grab my injured leg.
Oh, crap.
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140,961 Literary Works • 673,783 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh dear...we're in the middle of some proper action here in this little prologue. We've got someone running away from some mysterious "they". Judging from them being described as "creatures" I'm going to assume its probably a pack of some sort of monster. You do a pretty good job here of showcasing here fear and need to get away. The surrounding forest is also described pretty well for a paragraph this short. The way you've described them makes it sounds as if the forest itself is somehow alive and actively trying to hinder the progress of the person trying to get away and that's another level of excitement to this chase here.
Oooh, well isn't that a rather fun ending...its bad that I'm laughing but the timing of those last two words is just too good here to not do that. You've pulled this through rather nicely. You describe the pain quite well and it lets you really feel how long this chase may have gone on for and how much it has affected this person, then when you end off with the slight sense of hope followed by the feeling that its all lost, it comes to a really neat ending there. This seems like a pretty effective prologue, I certainly find myself wanting to read more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
As TheTruthLiesWithin pointed out, this should be a Prologue, not a Prolougue. And:
The 'of' should be 'off'.But I like the basic idea, though the prologue doesn't reveal much. You should post the next chapter soon.
Hey EchoSong!
First, I want to say this little bit, no matter how tiny it was, picked at my curiosity. The plot doesn't describe anything really... maybe less is more? I'd say it is, but when you want to catch the reader's attention to make them read the chapters, you might want to add a wee bit more. Just a thought
Now, with the grammar, I didn't notice anything overly wrong but Prolougue is not a word... it should be Prologue.
I would probably change that for , branches tearing at my limbs as I ran.
I think you accidentally put a period instead of a coma?
That's it!
Continue writing this, it has potential!
You can PM me if you want me to review the rest
-Truth-
Ok can anybody say SUSPENSE!!!! My thing is, however, that this doesn't make much sense as a proluge. Usually proluges sets up something that will happen later in the story. This just sounds like the first part of a chapter. If this is a proluge I would change to a different charecter for the first chapter. It's very good, though.