The Zombie Story Part 1
YEAR 2, MONTH 4, DAY 3
AN INTORUDCTION TO MODERN HELL
Stay inside. Live inside. Inside is where you can get all the safety you need. To be in, you live. To be in, you survive. Inside is the home you can never find these days. Outside... is certain death
My family and I have been living in here since that contagion had break out. This house had been our world. A small world it may be, but face the big world out there and you know... you die.
All of us had grown bored of the four corners of our home, but we cannot escape. We may escape, but our intentions to leave keep us chained. We are prisoners waiting for eventual death. If we don’t die getting eaten outside, we eventually die of starvation in the far future inside. It’s hell in both worlds. What can I do about it?
YEAR 2, MONTH 5, DAY 5
TEACH ME THE MEANING OF HOPE
Aunt’s becoming hopeful these days. The more we knew that people were dying outside, the more did aunt became more hopeful; irony indeed. She said that some army was going to rescues us. She said that one day, some army would be knocking in our doors. Then we would rejoice. We’ll jump in joy as if the zombies are all gone. But all of us knew better than to muse of such thoughts. Everyone except few survivors is dead. There is no out there, no army to save us, there is no hope... Well that’s what I personally think.
Despite of objections from almost all family members, aunt remained hopeful. She stormed out from the family conversation and head to the roof. Slowly, she painted the roof with huge white letters. She was still shouting out what she thinks was true. She never gave up. None pitied her and came to the roof, some just even chuckled in the silence, but I could not resist myself. I a man easily pitied, especially by old relatives. I head to the roof and helped her. Then I knew what she was really painting: SOS. I crouched down, took a thick paint brush, and stroke the white paint into the roof. I stared at aunt, she smiled, and I did the same.
What was to lose anyway? If there was really someone out there, this sign would be a big help.
YEAR 2, MONTH 6, DAY 2
DEATH IN THIS VERY HOUSE
Yesterday, Grandpa died. Not because of starvation –we have enough food- but because of a fatal ailment we failed to aid. Lamentations filled every living soul in that house. Everyone sat beside his dead corpse. After the sorrowful funeral, we concealed his body in a room we never used. I took a final look at my grandpa and I stared at the big empty room he was in. And I thought that soon, corpses would take over this house.
YEAR 3, MONTH 3, DAY 20
FOOD SUPPLY
We once had a surplus of food supply. But with days passing by, what used to be a surplus is now a scarcity. Half of my family have departed from the problems. Half still lives to suffer. Sometimes, I fancy over suicide. A single death would take all the tears from these wretched problems. It will take you to death, the perfect paradise. I ask myself why I chose agony and survival rather than eternal peace. Am I insane? Then perhaps I am.
YEAR 3, MONTH 3, DAY 24
A LIMIT OF PATIENCE
My brother finally had it. If he stays here, he would die of starvation along with us- he thought. He was going to leave this house. He’s going to a place where there would be food and few zombies. I knew that was suicide, that plan would completely not work. But three of my relatives did not feel the same. They thought that it was a brilliant plan!
They fixed our own private shuttle in the garage. They enhanced it with barricades and stored the shuttle with our family’s guns and ammunitions and some food supplies.
Mother stood with me as we stared them revamping the shuttle. She did not feel good about my brother’s final verdict. She said they were going to die, the same exact reason I have in my mind. So mother tried to convince my brother (for the fifth time), but my brother was very stubborn. Some part of him had hope that there was some place which is safe. Some part of him was just aggressive and adventurous. Will they survive? Only time can really tell.
YEAR 3, MONTH 3, DAY 30
MY BROTHER’S DEPARTURE
The vehicle was finally ready. The shuttle looked pretty awesome. It was designed with amazing graffiti by my niece and was armoured with barb wires on the sides. There was a shooting point on top of it and the shuttle had monster tires which lengths into the half of my body. There was a large bumper in the front and rear and finally, the shuttle’s interior was renovated for storage and somehow quality living. They turned the shuttle into a long but narrow RV; pretty amazing.
Before they leave, we all said our goodbyes. Most goodbyes were that dramatic but I stayed casual over those moments. When that was over, it was time for them to finally leave. They opened the garage door and rushed outside while they shot some ugly zombies in the gates of our manor. The garage door immediately closed then.
I head to the roof to look at them. They were far away by now, almost about a kilometre away. I stared the shuttle as it gone farther. I can see my brother on top of the shuttle, shooting some weak and unaware zombies. What a waste of ammunition! Soon, they went to the forest, and I could no longer see them. I stared at the rising sun, wondering if they will ever be coming home again. And I stared down from the roof, and I saw those zombies. They freaked me out, and I immediately went in.
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Hey! Forever here with a review!!
First of all, I loved the story! It was such a concrete and well-built story. Anyway, let's get into the review!!
As it seemed to me, this story was written in the form of diary entries throughout the whole time the characters were forced to live encaged in the house. In the current situation, this story feels kind of reltable but yes of course, corona wasn't even known when the story was written.
Characters
The main character seemed to be a very realistic character and a character who can actually call themselves "practical". Like the hopelessness they portrayed... It can indeed be called realistic taking whatever the situation was at that time. But yes, they were indeed a bit pessimistic. Can't deny that.
Jumping to the aunt, she was a very optimistic character in the story. She provided us with all the hope that we needed and with all the hope that a person could have in such difficult times. I liked the bit of realistic behaviour that she portrayed when she was drawing SOS. Of course that will be of somw use if some rescuer comes.
And now the brother. I am not sure if we can call the brother over-optimistic. Like we don't really know the number of zombies that have invaded the town and all. If the zombies can be controlled, then of course it's worth trying but if there's simply no way to control them, I don't think they did a very good thing.
Plot and World building
Both of these were very interesting. I haven't read many zombie stories(I wonder if I have read a single one), so it was different and something new to me. You could actually go a bit further and describe the zombies and the condition of the streets. I think that is going to help out a bit with the world building.
Talking about the escape, I do wonder how successful it is going to be. I ardently hope it's going to be successful and they will be able to escape. If I am not very wrong, if they escape this is going to be the first ever escape. It will create history then.
I am a bit confused about the food. Like they literally had surplus food for one whole year! That is not at all natural. I do wonder how much they used to eat. I don't think the people were warned before the zombies invaded their twon to store food. So, there's no chance food can last for so many days. It's totally out of the place. Overall, it was a great read.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hey there,
)
You've certainly got a good story going on here. Especially the diary-feeling that you've laid out here is a way of taking a classic horror genre you don't see that often.
However, there are way too many grammatical errors in it. So many, in fact, that it takes away the feeling of the story. I would start looking at the tenses you are writing in. The one time you write in past tense and the other you're writing in present tense. My advice would be to stick with one tense (in this case I would go for the past tense since it is some sort of diary and all the events that are written have happened before they were written down).
If you are choosing to make this story more than a short story I would add more entries in the diary between the ones you have now already. This way you can make the departure of the brother more compelling for example. You can then also tell the reader more about the situation, where it begun, who are in the house exactly, etc.
All in all I'd say that you've got something going on here, but it still needs a lot of work. Don't stop!
(I'll check out part two as well