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Young Writers Society


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The Legend Keepers: PhoenixSight Chapter 2

by Eac101


Laura

If you thought the outside of the Academy was impressive, you should have seen what was inside.

The entrance hall was filled with other students - many of which had a mythical creature standing next to them. In just a few moments, I spotted at least four other dragons besides Skyra, two unicorns, and a countless number of pegasi. The rooms was filled with growls and neighs, shrill calls and the occasional howl. I felt numerous eyes, human and beast, scanning my friends and I as Gabriel led us across the room. Multicolored light filtered through the windows, adding to the mystical, uncertain atmosphere.

By the far wall, a brown-haired lady sat next to a table covered in papers. Behind her was a pair of huge, locked doors. I guessed that they must lead to some other part of the building. She looked up from what she was writing and flashed a friendly smile.

"I see three more students have arrived. What are their names?" She picked up a clipboard and began to scan over it. Gabriel nodded at us, waiting for us to speak.

"Uh..." I started, but then Kat spoke.

"Katherine Ashbrook. Pleased to meet you," she said, shaking the woman's hand. "These are my friends." She glanced at me and Zachary expectantly.

"I'm Laura Myles -"

"And I'm Zachary Stringer," he finished.

The lady grinned and flipped through the clipboard, checking off our names as she found them. Then she picked up another paper and wrote our names down on it.

"Alright, now for your dorms. Katherine, Lauren, you two will have the same room, since you know each other. Your room number is 235." I exchanged a smile with Kat, glad I wouldn't have to room with a total stranger. Having a friend nearby to help me navigate this weird new school was a blessing.

"Zachary, your room number is 467, and your roommate will be Warren Smith. He's your age and a very nice boy. I think you'll like him," she finished. Zachary smiled, but I could tell he was nervous from the way he shifted his feet. I felt sorry for him, having to stay with someone he didn't know. But if there was one thing I knew about Zach, it was that he could make friends with just about anyone.

The woman picked up three identical packetss and passed one to each of us. The outside was green and read the words Welcome to WestWood Academy! on the front.

"These have all the information you're going to need about the Academy in them, including maps, your room keys, policies, courses of study taught here, and teachers. However, they don't have your schedules. Those won't be made until you get your Legend."

I frowned in confusion. "What do you mean, 'get your Legend'? Are each of us given a mythical creature?"

She shook her head. "Not given. More like... summoned," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Here at WestWood, we accept students into our program who seem to be fit for learning the art of Legend Keeping. Each student has their own mythical creature, or Legend, as we call them here, that they train, take care of, and form a bond with," she said. I began feeling excited, wondering what sort of Legend I would summon.

"Now, that's enough of me talking. It's time for you three to get a tour of the school. Oh, but first," she said with a chuckle, "I haven't even introduced myself! I'm Mrs. Brady, the 9th grade English teacher."

Kat began to groan, but I silenced her with a glare. "English?" she asked. "I thought this was a school for learning about Legends, not grammar!"

Mrs. Brady laughed. "Well, it is, but you still need to learn the four core subjects! It'll do you no good to forget about math and reading!" She then spun around in her rolling chair and waved her hand towards a girl standing further down the hall. "Zoe! Come here!"

I watched as she ran over to the table. She was beautiful, with dark skin, warm eyes, and curly hair that fell over her shoulders. Next to her was a dun horse with a black horn growing out of its head - a unicorn.

"Hi! I'm Zoe Fischer, and this is Arryn, my Legend. I'm going to show you around the school and answer any questions you have." She shook each of our hands, beaming. Her unicorn let out a friendly neigh.

Gabriel cleared his throat. I had almost forgotten he was there. "Alright, well, me and Skyra have to go. But I'll definitely see you guys later! I'm glad I got to meet you. Have fun here!" He strode off across the hall. Skyra let out a grunt, which I guess meant goodbye, and followed him with a swish of her tail.

"Alright then, lets go. Bye Mrs. Brady!" Zoe said. She led Kat, Zachary and I away from the table. We slipped through the crowd, dodging people and Legends. I almost made the mistake of stepping on tails several times. Zoe stopped by a large picture on the wall - a map. She pointed to the front area.

"This is where we are, the entrance hall, also called the South Wing. The Academy is built in a rectangular shape, with four main hallways - North Wing, South Wing, East Wing, and West Wing. There are also four stories total," Zoe said, taking a pause.

"You probably noticed the pair of doors behind Mrs. Brady. Those go to the Dining Hall, which is closed right now in preparations for tonight. It's two stories tall, but can only be accessed on the first floor. Since we're closer to the West Wing, lets head that way. Come on!"

My friends and I strolled after her and came to the end of the entrance hall. We took a right and headed off, our footsteps - and, uh, hoofsteps - echoing against the walls. This Wing was much emptier than the entrance hall, with only a few other students getting tours and the occasional teacher. Zoe broke the silence.

"I know you're all still shocked by what you've just discovered - that Legends are real, you're gonna train them, et cetera. I get how you feel; when I came here three years ago, it was all so confusing... But you'll learn to love it, I'm sure," she said.

"I know I will! Mythical creatures - that's amazing! This is the best thing that's ever happened!" Zachary said.

"It's good to see you're enthusiastic," Zoe replied. Kat just rolled her eyes.

"But why?" she asked. "Why do we need to learn how to train these... 'legends'? Aren't a lot of them dangerous?"

Zoe nodded. "There are a small few that like causing harm to humans and aren't allowed here at the school, but most of them aren't like that. And as to the reason we train them, it's a long story that goes back thousands of years. The Legends have been around just as long as other animals, if not longer. Most people viewed them as bloodthirsty monsters, but a seldom few began to secretly take care of them. They became known as Legend Keepers." She took a deep breath.

"However, over the years, people began hunting the Legends and they almost went extinct. It wasn't until a couple hundred years ago that this school was founded, dedicated to protecting them. Here at WestWood, we try to preserve the art of Legend Keeping and protect the creatures - and humans - from being hurt." Zoe finished and turned to Kat.

"Sorry that was so long, but I hope it answered your question. You'll learn more in your classes. Now lets get on with the tour." Zoe pointed to her left.

"Over there are the faculty dorms, where all the teachers and staff sleep. To your right are some offices - most notably the one for the Academy President, Dr. Gallagher."

We continued walking down the hall until we got to a stairwell. A delectable scent wafted through the air, reminding me of just how hungry I was. "What's that?" I asked.

"The kitchen," said Zoe, motioning to the right. "They're preparing dinner." She then began climbing the stairs. I followed, with Kat and Zachary in the back. We stopped by the second floor but didn't go down the hall.

"The second floor is mostly classrooms, with school dorms on the East Wing," said Zoe I'm not going to waste any time showing you the classrooms, and you'll see the dorms soon enough. Let's continue on to the stables." With that, we went to the third floor and headed down the West Wing a little bit. Zoe led us through a pair of doors and into a very spacious, long room. Stalls lined the walls. Each one seemed to be filled with some sort of Legend. Whinnies, shrieks, and snarls filled the air.

"These are the stables. Since most students can't keep a Legend in their dorm due to their size, they sleep here instead. This section is mostly used for housing medium-sized Legends, like pegasi or gryffins. The bigger ones stay on the fourth floor, or, if there isn't enough room, they stay in the forest outside," said Zoe.

I walked through some of the stables, trying to identify as many creatures as I could. Zoe was right - most of them were gryffins or pegasi - but there were also some rarer ones, such as a manticore that was sleeping on the pile of hay.

Kat strode up to a hippogriff that had stuck its head out to watch us. She tentatively laid a hand on its feathery neck and stroked it. It cawed in pleasure. Kat smiled.

"Alright, lets keep going. We don't have much time left, and dinner starts early today. You'll have plenty of time to gawk at the Legends later," said Zoe. Zachary and Kat followed her out of the room. Casting one last glance at the stables, I scurried after them and we all headed down the North Wing.

I heard loud talking coming from the other end of the corridor. As we rounded the corner and entered the East Wing, we were once again greeted by lots of students.

"This is the entrance to the dorm rooms," said Zoe, pointing to several doors along the left wall. "The entire East Wing, all four floors, is dedicated to housing students. I'll show you to your dorms in a bit, but first you should see the library."

She led us to a pair of giant doors on our right and pushed them open to reveal what was, to me, the best part of the school yet.

The library was breathtaking and open, with countless books lining the blue walls. It was two stories, with a grand staircase leading to the second floor on the far wall. But the prettiest part was the giant domed glass roof in the center that cast bright light over the whole room. I couldn't help but gasp. Zoe saw me and laughed.

"I see you must really like books." I nodded.

"Well then, you'll be glad to know you can check them out for free, and we have a really good collection! Now, lets go to your dorm rooms," said Zoe.

Every part of me wanted to explore the rest of the library, but I turned away from the temptation and followed Zoe and Arryn out into the hall. She led me and my friends through a door and into a small, short hallway, which then met up with a bigger one. It reminded me of a hotel, with doors lining the walls - except filled with rambunctious teenage boys darting up and down the carpeted floors.

Zoe dodged out of the way of a dark haired boy and turned to face us. "These are the dorm rooms. I can assure you, they're not always this crazy!" I struggled to hear her over the shouting.

"The 1st and 2nd floors are for the girls, and the 3rd and 4th are for boys. Zachary, what was your room number again?" she asked.

He scrunched up his forehead, thinking. "Uh... I don't remember. But it's in my packet!" He opened up the folder and fumbled around until he pulled out a golden key. "Room 467!" he said, reading the number that had been engraved into the metal. Zoe nodded and steered us to a stairwell.

"Alright. We'll be leaving you here, Zachary. Your room will be on the 4th floor. When you get there, take a left and follow the numbers until you find yours. It was great getting to meet you, and good luck with your Summoning tonight if I don't see you again!" Zoe said cheerfully. Zach flashed a nervous glance at Kat and I and then bounded up the stairs. The rest of us headed down to the second floor.

When we got to our room, 235, Zoe said her goodbyes to us.

"I hope you like it here. If you have any questions, just ask me or any of the other kids in the Student Government Association," she said. "See you at dinner!" Then she ran down the hallway, Arryn at her side. I turned to Kat.

"Well, she seemed very nice," I said. I reached into my packet and pulled out my key. Inserting it into the handle, I unlocked the door and let out a sigh.

"Here's to our new life."


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524 Reviews


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Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:01 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

I spotted at least four other dragons besides Skyra, two unicorns, and a countless number of pegasi.
Okay so I know what all these creatures look like, but I really think you could include more description. What colours were the dragons? Did their scales gleaming the sunlight. Where there breathes of flame coming from their nostrils. Did lightning zig zag up and down the unicorns horns? Where they shaking their snow white manes? Where the pegasis ruffling their feathered wings? You know. Just a bit more description of the different colours and maybe a few actions here and there. :D

Grammar and Punctuation

and I as Gabriel led us across the room.
The “I’ should be replaced with “me”.
The woman picked up three identical packetss
You should delete the second “s” in “packetss”.
"Alright, well, me and Skyra have to go.
the “me” should be replaced with an “I”
"Alright then, lets go.
“lets” should be “let’s”.
Since we're closer to the West Wing, lets head that way.
same here.
Now lets get on with the tour."
same here.
"Alright, lets keep going.
The same over here too.
Now, lets go to your dorm rooms
and here.
Zach flashed a nervous glance at Kat and I and then bounded up the stairs
The “I” should be “me”.

Overall thoughts

Chapter plot: Okay so on the whole this chapter was rather boring and wasn’t really that interesting. You did introduce me to who the main characters were and where they where, but you didn’t really tell me all that much about their personalities. More on that in the character section. I think that maybe you should put in some sort of conflict in this chapter just to keep me as the reader interested. Maybe have a small fire break out with one of the dragons sneezing and let me as the reader have moment of suspense as they put out the fire. Then Zoe could turn around and say that that happens all the time. By putting something like this in you’ll make a hook for the reader and make it interesting for them.

Characters: Another good reason for conflicts like I described above is that it can build character. How would each of the individual character have reacted to a sudden fire. Their reactions will make me as the reader connect with them and will make them more that a name on the screen. Another thing you can put in to describe their personalities is thoughts. How did they feel about the crowded hallways. Where they missing home at any point in time. Things like this will make them feel real. :D

Description: As for description, I think you did fairly well except for the part I pointed out at the beginning of this review. I do think that you could make the descriptions more rich though. Use strong interesting words to describes stuff and use interesting colours like scarlet instead of red or almond instead of brown. :D

Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image




Eac101 says...


Thank you for the review!



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Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:34 pm
yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review.

Let me just start by saying that I really enjoyed reading this chapter. The descriptions you give and the amount of thought you put into the world building is in my opinion, excellent. It did not feel like there was a massive dump of information. On the contrary, I felt the world building was smooth and natural.

I like the premise of your story. It reminded me of Harry Potter, but instead of studying pure magic, they study how to summon these Legends. Very interesting. I want to know more about this world.

There was only want tiny spelling error that I came across while reading the chapter.

("Here are WestWood, we accept students into our program who seem to be fit for learning the art of Legend Keeping.)

It should be "Here at Westwood,...", not "Here are Westwood...".

Other than that mistake above, I did not come across anything glaring.

Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep writing!




Eac101 says...


Thanks for reviewing this chapter! I really appreciate you pointing out the spelling error. That always helps!

I'm also glad that you thought the world building was good. I often get worried that I'm dumping too much info onto my audience but you assured me that I wasn't.

Again, thanks for this review! The third chapter should be out soon!




That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo - and it's worth fighting for.
— Samwise Gamgee